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Przepraszam
VIP Member
Posts: 14439
Location: Poland. New York.
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 Posted: Sun, 17th Nov 2024 06:23 Post subject: My dad passed away... |
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He had Lung cancer back in 2017 stage 0 and part of his lung was removed which seemed was fine with yearly check ups...but it somehow moved to his brain not sure when...When we found out his tumor was 4cm and his lung cancer was back as well,,,
Brain tumor operation was successful but he developed 2 blood clots in his main artery and his heart...They were able to remove main artery clot but when they restarted him on blood thinners, part of it broke off and he had pretty extensive stroke on right side. He was unable to speak or eat afterwards. He passed away few days after that....
To be honest. I blame myself for forcing him to the operation for Brain Tumor but it affected his speech and memory and he became very violent/aggressive towards me and my mom in last few months...maybe he knew?? IDK I wanted best for him...His tumor was affecting his memory/speech portion of brain...
It was his birthday too while he was in the hospital for almost a month...
I noticed his condition in May. He didnt go to doctor until end of June. I flew to Poland in August to convince of an operation but he refused...then my mom flew and they came back to US to have it here....and like I explained above ..after surgery they couldn't restart him on blood thinners right away because he was still bleeding after the operation...but he developed heart blood clot which went to his brain and caused extensive damage...He was pretty much a vegetable for few days before he passed away....
I asked him in between if he blamed me for forcing him to do the operation but he turned his head left and right like no no he isnt blaming me for it...but between stroke and brain surgery ...maybe he understood my question maybe he didnt...but I think that's what he meant and he already knew his time is coming..?
I saw him on Thursday for few minutes in the morning because I had some tests done at the same hospital and then got call at 1:53AM that his heart gave up...Me and my Mom took an Uber to see him last time...and yeah...
IDK, I cant get this feeling away that it was all my fault but everyone keeps telling me I tried to best...I really thought the operation was in his best interest, spent few months trying to convince him....its unfortunate for the complications...at least he passed away in peace hopefully...
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vurt
Posts: 13586
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Sun, 17th Nov 2024 06:53 Post subject: |
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Very sorry to hear.
I think it's easy to try to blame one self in situations where you feel very helpless + in these situations mood is down the toilet and this leads to bad thoughts, such as blaming one self. advanced surgery is a risk, everyone knows this, sometimes it's a win, sometimes not. No way of knowing.
Last edited by vurt on Sun, 17th Nov 2024 10:54; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Sun, 17th Nov 2024 08:29 Post subject: |
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First off, my condolences. May he rest in peace. He is in a better place.
Secondly I highly doubt it was your or anyone's fault. Don't know you or your dad but when someone tries all they can to save a loved one, especially a parent, that shows me that you loved him and he loved you as well. I presume he was a good father. If so the fact you tried all you could is something passed on by both of them and he knew that. He was happy to see you try regardless of his mental state due to the tumour.
May you live and remember him with joy. God bless you and your family.
Rig: i7-5820k, MSI X99 Plus, Corsair 16GB DDR4:3000, Inno3d GTX 1080, Samsung 850 Pro 512GB, Corsair 850i PSU, AOC G2460PG.
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tonizito
Posts: 51251
Location: Portugal, the shithole of Europe.
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| Posted: Sun, 17th Nov 2024 08:48 Post subject: |
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Stay strong.
And no it isn't your fault, you did the best you could but sometimes shit just happens.
Take care of your mother and family and treasure the good memories you have of/with him, kurwa
| boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote: | | i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then |
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| Posted: Sun, 17th Nov 2024 09:31 Post subject: |
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My condolences Przepraszam.
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Nodrim
Posts: 9408
Location: Romania
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| Posted: Sun, 17th Nov 2024 11:27 Post subject: |
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My condolences for your loss.
My mom died from lung cancer, was a heavy smoker all her life we argued about it all the time.
Then it metastasized to her brain, also brain surgery, her speech got blurry.
"Brain metastases occur when cancer cells spread from their original site to the brain. Any cancer can spread to the brain, but the types most likely to cause brain metastases are lung, breast, colon, kidney and melanoma. Brain metastases may form one tumor or many tumors in the brain."
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Ankh
Posts: 23251
Location: Trelleborg
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M4trix
Posts: 9137
Location: Croatia, Adriatic coast (I can see ixi from here)
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ixigia
[Moderator] Consigliere
Posts: 65006
Location: Italy
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| Posted: Sun, 17th Nov 2024 15:49 Post subject: |
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I'm sorry, my condolences 
As others have said, you shouldn't feel responsible for anything outside your control, that was the best and most logical course of action but sadly, when the moment arrives and bad luck piles up in such a vile way we're all powerless. Stay strong bud <3
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zenux
Posts: 1831
Location: lɘɒɿƨI
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| Posted: Sun, 17th Nov 2024 17:32 Post subject: |
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jackbomb
Posts: 2512
Location: Tortilla de patatas
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| Posted: Sun, 17th Nov 2024 17:43 Post subject: |
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My condolences Przepraszam. Not the same, but grandma decided to end (in the sweetest way possible and with the doctors blessing) the suffering of my grandfather after one year of extreme lung cancer pain. She was grateful, we were grateful since he was placed in my room as I was sleeping in my lil bro one and we lived at home (and hospital to and fro) through all of it. In the end you did what you felt was best, be sure of it. You'll make peace, I'm sure of it.
B650 Tomahawk / 7950x CU -20 5.5GHz / PS120SE / 2x16GB DDR5 6000 CL30 / 3080 OC
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| Posted: Mon, 18th Nov 2024 01:12 Post subject: |
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Sorry to hear about this P
No, it's not your fault. You only had your father's best intentions.
Take care and don't treat yourself harshly.
1 and 2 are still amazing.
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couleur
[Moderator] Janitor
Posts: 14202
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| Posted: Tue, 19th Nov 2024 05:11 Post subject: |
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Bless you for helping your father, my condolences, i would be happy if people pushed me to do everything in their power to make me live longer, sadly medicine is not perfect and issues are complex, hugs man.
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| Posted: Tue, 19th Nov 2024 08:06 Post subject: |
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Why on earth would you blame yourself for this? Man had cancer in 2 places. I know where you're trying to go with it, but pointless self flagellating like this is just stupid. Everyone here knows what would have happened if he didn't have the surgery. Your father also, he told you as much with his body language. So no, not your fault. It's no ones fault. You gave him a fighting chance, but sadly life is just ass at times. My condolences on your loss
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Przepraszam
VIP Member
Posts: 14439
Location: Poland. New York.
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| Posted: Tue, 19th Nov 2024 21:38 Post subject: |
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Thank friends...Means a lot
Funeral was today. Almost 200 people showed up....
Seems like it was a good day,,,
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JackQ
Non-expret in Derps lagunge
Posts: 14141
Location: Kibbutznik, Israel
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| Posted: Wed, 20th Nov 2024 17:46 Post subject: |
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Sorry to hear it.
But don't drag yourself down the rabbit hole of what if, it will eat you alive.
Sort of had the same situation with my father. He passed away, by rationing meds, skipping days, or not taking the right amount to stretch it out as he couldn't afford to buy it all. After his death a lot of "I should have/shouldn't have" and self blamed.
It's way too easy to look back using the knowledge you have from now, to extrapolate a 1000 "What if I did/didn't do this" how would things be different? The issue is...you don't know if they would. But you make up endings anyway.
If you didn't make him get it, he could have gone sooner, or some other complication from not, causing something else. That is the problem with the butterfly effect of choices, when bad things happen we as people wonder which other path was the better one, and if we picked the only bad one, convince ourselves we probably did, and blame ourselves for making decisions we didn't have knowledge of hindsight on then, to question outcomes that even with that hindsight we can't confirm. (Which makes it worse, as we 'what if' everything).
You tried to help him the best you could with the best decision at the time. You can't ask for more than that. Even when making all the right decisions, wrong outcomes can happen. Don't blame your right choices when uncontrollable bad outcomes come regardless. Sometimes your best efforts won't stop something. it just slightly changes how it comes at most.
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| Posted: Sun, 1st Dec 2024 20:35 Post subject: |
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@Przepraszam My condolences, may he rest in peace.
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