Also, I doubt this is the case with you and this girl, but "I'm afraid of commitment" often means: I like jumping on many dicks and spice it up, I'm free spirited and empowered that way!
Well, that's the strange thing. I am no retard, people who do fuck around often tend to have other risk behaviour and expose themselves to thrills. So I did ask on the first date, very politely, whether she ever cheated, ever did drugs, ever smoked etc. She said no to all of them, even after I said she should not feel ashamed as everybody has some funky history. And she only had 3 long term relationships, and that was it. And she did add me on facebook after date 1, and the profile looks like a regular girl, 'tea with the girls', 'yoga exercise stuff', 'shopping with the girls'. Very few party pictures etc, no 'look at me with a bottle of Jagermeister puking in the toilet and a dick on my head'. So I really doubt 'she had more ass than a toilet seat'.
So I had already figured it out I have to stop the chatter via the phone. I already replied on many messages over the past days, regarding anything personal 'I'll gladly tell you that in real person', 'too complicated to explain via messages'. I even blocked her on my facebook chat, I don't want to communicate via short messages.
So I just invited her for drinks + chatter. Let's see what she answers. It's only fair to assume that if she do wants to get to know me, she'd make some room in her schedule after cancelling yesterday, right?
ban the insta messages for sure, good move and tell her straight up, a relationship is built not via messages but real life actions, oh are her parents on her facebook, if so she might have another one u dont know about and or a instagram tumblr. google her alliases she might be on fuckbook for all u know. and i dont mean that in a disrepsecting way. I respect a woman who likes to fuck and no strings attached, but the mindgames, fuck that.
Also, I doubt this is the case with you and this girl, but "I'm afraid of commitment" often means: I like jumping on many dicks and spice it up, I'm free spirited and empowered that way!
Well, that's the strange thing. I am no retard, people who do fuck around often tend to have other risk behaviour and expose themselves to thrills. So I did ask on the first date, very politely, whether she ever cheated, ever did drugs, ever smoked etc. She said no to all of them, even after I said she should not feel ashamed as everybody has some funky history. And she only had 3 long term relationships, and that was it. And she did add me on facebook after date 1, and the profile looks like a regular girl, 'tea with the girls', 'yoga exercise stuff', 'shopping with the girls'. Very few party pictures etc, no 'look at me with a bottle of Jagermeister puking in the toilet and a dick on my head'. So I really doubt 'she had more ass than a toilet seat'.
So I had already figured it out I have to stop the chatter via the phone. I already replied on many messages over the past days, regarding anything personal 'I'll gladly tell you that in real person', 'too complicated to explain via messages'. I even blocked her on my facebook chat, I don't want to communicate via short messages.
So I just invited her for drinks + chatter. Let's see what she answers. It's only fair to assume that if she do wants to get to know me, she'd make some room in her schedule after cancelling yesterday, right?
The post you replied to was just made with trolling in mind, pay it no attention.
The post regarding the messages however was legit.
Phrases like "too complicated to explain via messages" is not good, imho. There's no confidence in that.
Make it clear: you want to get to know her. You're happy, she wants to get to know you, too. You understand, she's afraid of commitment, but that's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Obviously, it won't work well, if she doesn't even make the first step.
Tell her for this to continue, you want to meet. I needn't be at your place, that's not what it's about. Messages are not people. Face to face is people. And that is what you want.
If she smells desperation on you (and women instantly pick up even the slightest hint of it), she will know she can play you.
It's time you started setting the agenda, take leadership of this situation.
She needs a leap of faith, when it comes to you, so you can push this issue.
So I kept getting messages in the morning and the evening all the time on friday, saturday, today. I even got one on saturday morning @ 7AM 'hi, i am awake, what are you doing?' [if you dont like somebody, do you send them messages at 7AM?] So I send a couple of reply messages and this afternoon I sent 'let's meet in real life instead of sending messages all the time. I like you, you like me, let's go for diner+drinks next week'
I got a message back 'i am gone, u better off without me' and some more 'i am not a nice person', 'trust me, avoid me', 'you should date other people' etc etc.
Send a message 'dont get it, what do you want, then why do you send me messages all the time?'
'i dunno'
'you deserve better than me'
reply with 'blabla'
'you angry?
'told you from the start'
'you knew it'
reply 'too bad of the fysical stuff on the couch, good night'
'only sex? No, too easy'
'but i thought about it, but no'
'don't leave, say something'
Told her I liked her, and that I had a a wonderful time the moments she was around. And that we should enjoy the moment, whatever she wanted to call it.
'I am control freak'
'i am not fun to be around'
'i exhaust people'
reply 'ill judge whether i like you are not, don't make your own call on whether i like u or not'
'give me some time to think about it'
reply 'well, take your time and be in touch if you made up your mind'
'you no quitting, huh, why u so sweet to me, let me think, i quit if i feel pressured'
But basically, this one is dead in the water, actually kinda feel relieved, no more funky emotional stuff rollercoaster. I mean, i asked her out 2 times in the past 10 days or so. She said yes to the second invitation and that's it. Is that pressuring?
I am starting to doubt myself, but if i like sending messages at 7AM to somebody, i'd be glad if they ask me for a diner+movie invitation. Crazy woman. She even asked whether i was seeing other people, why would you do that if you dont give a fuck. Well, just read back the other posts, i feel stupid. I lost rationality and let the emotions take the upper hand,
Anyway, going to bed, cya. Going to rub my one eyed snake a little bit...
I got a message back 'i am gone, u better off without me' and some more 'i am not a nice person', 'trust me, avoid me', 'you should date other people' etc etc.
Yep, this right here is pure GTFO, no matter how hot she is and how steamy teh sex0r was.
Dodged the bullet my friend, no not look back. I'd even go so far as to say to cut all contact with her, permanently.
boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote:
i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then
I told you from the start buddy, avoid this chick. All the alarm bells rang off with her. The way she talks/acts, dead giveaway on how she actually is. And don't worry, everyone has at least once had their emotions take over and done something stupid, it's normal, it's human.
Why would she say that she is a bad person? Is she fucking some people on the side and can't live with the guilt?
Well actually, she didn't say she was a bad person, but 'a bad relationship person'. So i don't think it's a guilt thing.
I guess I am old fashioned. If you see each other on dates, and come over, and have sex and send messages in the morning back and forth and reply instantaneously and make plans for next weeks. Well, apparently it means nothing
I mean, I've had sex with people I did not want a relationship with, but after the sex, I just ignored them. I did not start sending them messages all the time and asking them whether they were seeing other people etc. And I've been on dates with people I did not like that much after date 1 or 2, but then I don't engage in any contact, or just ignore if they seek contact. And yeah, once in a while, you end up in the 'I dunno what I want' zone, but even then I did not behave like that.
I have to be honest, I did not want to think about it, but I was stuck in traffic this morning, so I did think about it. What was her plan? She does not want a relationship, she does not want to go on dates because that's too scary, she does want the D when she came over, but she doesn't want a sex relationship either. But she is interested in how I am feeling, explaining how her renovation stuff is going, asking me what I want in my future life, how my long term plans are etc.
I dunno. Doesn't make a lot of sense. She either is fucking no one anymore, or she is fucking another guy every day and playing with them like an i don't know what. Second option would really surprise me, but hey, what do I know?
Maybe I just got played like I dunno what and I am getting screwed over like a champion and she's fucking another dude every day. Boy ooh boy.
She said she was feeling 16 again when we were having fun in the car and everywhere else. Yeah, I feel 16 again also, getting screwed over by females with no clue what they want
Btw, I just Googled some 'commitment issues' stuff websites. Almost textbook play, even the stuff she said and the stuff she sent. Is there any 25+ single female without heavy psych issues? Guess not...
Dude like all others have said already, forget about this girl. She sounds like the one who slices your dick of in your sleep because she thought you were cheating on her.
She has some serious problems and a relationship won't help her fix it. She has first to come in terms with herself before she can commit to anyone else.
People with commitment issues don't have commitment issues. They have self-issues.
Like this girl. She fears the feelings she has for you, imho. With gen-y most things come down to two things: feeling good, and avoiding responsibility. There are many exceptions, but culturally this is how we brought this generation up. Everyone has to be a special snowflake, and they need heaps of attention and FB likes to cope. But they are unwilling to grow up, and accept, that life is all about commitments, mainly to yourself.
To put it bluntly, this lass is immature as fuck.
But, she won't break contact with you, I am willing to bet on that. She will be texting you again in no time.
If you want anything from her, then you have to be firm all the way through. You want her, she wants you, stop the games, or stop the whole thing altogether.
OMG PRESSURE! Omg, so my life is not all about enjoying whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want with no consequences. OMG!
Pressure!
Life is all about pressure, and you have to fight for something you want.
I'm pretty sure I figured it out: she has failure anxiety. That's a condition, when the motivation to avoid failure is greater than the motivation to succeed. This is a common problem of special snowflakes, once they grow up, and realize they have to fight for something to achieve it, and many times they will fail. Gen-y is a generation, that is not taught to fail, and that is why they sabotage themselves, don't even try, just so they wouldn't fail.
Of course, this means they will never succeed. Once again, there are many exceptions though.
With this girl however, it's clear this is happening.
At this point, I'd risk simply calling her out on her behaviour. Simply accuse her of sabotaging her own happiness, just because she is afraid of hypotheticals. I'd tell her she'll never be happy, if she doesn't grant herself a chance.
And I do know alarm bells went off from the start. I've never bitch whined here before, but this time I, somehow, managed to put my brains before my dick and ask for a second opinion dear fellow humpers. In the end I had fun dates, got some very passionate sexy time, and lost approx 2 weeks chasing crazy lady.
Yet you didn't cut ties with her and (sub?)consciously hope for her to get her shit together
No, I hope to enjoy some uber passionate sexy time again . But I did call her out on her behaviour yesterday and I think she knows what the deal is now, so if she initiates contact with 'hi, I am coming over', or 'I want to go on a date this evening', my answer will be 'ok'. But I am not emotionally investing any more time in it when she sends 'hi, how was your day' or 'hi, i am awake, what are you doing today?' But I didn't initiatie any contact in like 36+ hours or so.
I am still doubting whether I should call the girl again I cancelled the date with to have a date with crazy. She did send me a message she was very disappointed I was not giving her the chance to get to know her etc etc. But using her as a fallback option would be a) very asshole-ish and b) uber embarrassing if she says 'FUCK OFF A-HOLE, i am no second option' (which is a realistic outcome).
Btw, change the topic to 'Spankies dating diary', might be more appropriate.
And I am not going to post a picture. You guys are all saying she's doing fuckathlons, chances are existing she had one of you guys That would be embarassing. oh well
Spoiler:
Last edited by spankie on Mon, 20th Apr 2015 17:16; edited 1 time in total
Ok... don't cut ties then.
Just wait until you find someone you like, start dating her and move on to serious stuff. Then one day your ol' crazy fuckbuddy appears in front of your place out of the blue to do/say who knows.
That will be fun
boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote:
i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then
I love how definition of "super sexy" differs between people
Well, let's not discuss taste, shall we?
I told you she looks 'girl next door', but has some sexyness in her behaviour. Why do you think I am having a hard time figuring stuff out? She's just an average quite good looking female. If she looked like a Victoria's Secret model or some clubbing skank, I'd have an easier time understanding it all
Would you say 'iiiiiiiieeeeeeew' if you woke up next to her? Don't think so.
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she might be on fuckbook for all u know. and i dont mean that in a disrepsecting way. I respect a woman who likes to fuck and no strings attached, but the mindgames, fuck that.
. But I did call her out on her behaviour yesterday and I think she knows what the deal is now, so if she initiates contact with 'hi, I am coming over', or 'I want to go on a date this evening', my answer will be 'ok'. But I am not emotionally investing any more time in it when she sends 'hi, how was your day' or 'hi, i am awake, what are you doing today?' But I didn't initiatie any contact in like 36+ hours or so.
