|
|
| Page 1 of 1 |
|
|
 Posted: Sun, 20th Jan 2013 20:04 Post subject: Is this normal? |
|
 |
Got a call this morning notifying us that a family friend was found passed away on the side of the road in his truck (he was a commercial truck driver). I've basically known this guy since I was a little kid, and had spoken to him just last month near Christmas (hadn't seen him for about a year prior to that).
This guy was a jovial soul that never had a harsh word to say about anyone, but he kept to himself more or less aside from us (wasn't married, had two dogs, all of his natural family live back in Poland). Just generally an all around great bloke. And he died on the side of the road, on the other side of the state, alone at night (most likely natural causes, as he was overweight). Shitty fucking way to go. 
I've never had anyone close to me pass away before, and I'm not sure exactly what the grieving process involves, but it seems strange to feel so very little. I wouldn't say it's indifference, just kind of an emptiness. I feel like I should be feeling something stronger, some sadness or grief, but it's just kinda....empty. It worries me a little - feels like I'm just emotionally closed off from everything. Is this kind of reaction to be expected?
I can never be free, because the shackles I wear can't be touched or be seen.
i9-9900k, MSI MPG-Z390 Gaming Pro Carbon, 32GB DDR4 @ 3000, eVGA GTX 1080 DT, Samsung 970 EVO Plus nVME 1TB
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Sun, 20th Jan 2013 20:09 Post subject: |
|
|
I would say that is normal. And people grieve in different ways, there is no right or wrong way.
Ryzen 5 5600, ASUS ROG STRIX B550-F GAMING WIFI II, Corsair Vengeance RGB RT 32GB 3600MHz C16, MSI RTX 5070 Ti Ventus 3X OC , Corsair RMx Series RM750x. AOC AGON AG324UX - 4K 144Hz 1ms
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
deelix
PDIP Member
Posts: 32062
Location: Norway
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
zmed
Posts: 9234
Location: Orbanistan
|
| Posted: Sun, 20th Jan 2013 20:41 Post subject: |
|
|
The fact alone that you think that what you feel isn't enough should be a sign that you are normal.
If you fear that you might have psychopathic tendencies, the fact that you care is a good thing.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Sun, 20th Jan 2013 20:51 Post subject: |
|
|
| zmed wrote: | | The fact alone that you think that what you feel isn't enough should be a sign that you are normal. |
Yea, I guess I forgot about the whole "it takes a sane man to question his own sanity" argument. I suppose that's applicable here as well. Thanks fellas.
I can never be free, because the shackles I wear can't be touched or be seen.
i9-9900k, MSI MPG-Z390 Gaming Pro Carbon, 32GB DDR4 @ 3000, eVGA GTX 1080 DT, Samsung 970 EVO Plus nVME 1TB
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Pitzzu
Posts: 247
Location: Israel
|
| Posted: Sun, 20th Jan 2013 20:59 Post subject: |
|
|
First thing first I am sorry for your loss.
Don't worry about your grief process everybody copes with death differently.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Sun, 20th Jan 2013 21:21 Post subject: |
|
|
Recently i had a thread on something similar, TL;DR, grandpa died, went there, i was really deattatched, until i saw my aunt crying. Knowing her story, THAT hit me cause i shared what she was feeling. Gives me goosebumps to remember what she said to the open casket before sealing the tomb.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Sun, 20th Jan 2013 21:25 Post subject: |
|
|
| Lopin18 wrote: | | Gives me goosebumps to remember what she said to the open casket before sealing the tomb. |
What did she say?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Sun, 20th Jan 2013 22:40 Post subject: |
|
|
Depends on if you were close or not, when someone you really care about dies you'll feel much worse, I mean someone you see almost every day when you are detached like this then it's normal.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Doh!
Posts: 1361
Location: Wellhigh DK
|
| Posted: Mon, 21st Jan 2013 03:54 Post subject: Re: Is this normal? |
|
|
| Immunity wrote: | Got a call this morning notifying us that a family friend was found passed away on the side of the road in his truck (he was a commercial truck driver). I've basically known this guy since I was a little kid, and had spoken to him just last month near Christmas (hadn't seen him for about a year prior to that).
This guy was a jovial soul that never had a harsh word to say about anyone, but he kept to himself more or less aside from us (wasn't married, had two dogs, all of his natural family live back in Poland). Just generally an all around great bloke. And he died on the side of the road, on the other side of the state, alone at night (most likely natural causes, as he was overweight). Shitty fucking way to go.
I've never had anyone close to me pass away before, and I'm not sure exactly what the grieving process involves, but it seems strange to feel so very little. I wouldn't say it's indifference, just kind of an emptiness. I feel like I should be feeling something stronger, some sadness or grief, but it's just kinda....empty. It worries me a little - feels like I'm just emotionally closed off from everything. Is this kind of reaction to be expected? |
Sounds normal to me. And from what I can read he was not part of your daily life, so your day is not affected like with close family. But ofcourse its sad to lose a friend how ever close and for him to die like that RIP.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Mon, 21st Jan 2013 04:02 Post subject: |
|
|
Roughly 100 persons die each minute in our planet, so I would say it's perfectly normal...
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Stige
Posts: 3544
Location: Finland
|
| Posted: Mon, 21st Jan 2013 04:11 Post subject: |
|
|
Even if he was family, if you didn't know him that well or very rarely even talked to him, it really isn't that hard to get over it.
But when your best friend hangs himself that is a whole different story :/
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Mon, 21st Jan 2013 05:22 Post subject: |
|
|
| human_steel wrote: | | Lopin18 wrote: | | Gives me goosebumps to remember what she said to the open casket before sealing the tomb. |
What did she say? |
You have to understand her history, she wasnt related to him, he took her into his house as a child and raised her, she was my father's "sister", she became an odontologist, he gave her a place to work, he gave her a room when she got married, etc. had children etc...
In the end she was devastated and in the moment they opened the casket to show her one last time, she stopped crying, breathed in and said "Thank you, for everything you did for us", the tone and sincerity in that small phrase cracked me. Ive never heard anything that had that strength and appreciation, and every time i remember that moment, i get teary.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
fisk
Posts: 9145
Location: Von Oben
|
| Posted: Mon, 21st Jan 2013 07:12 Post subject: |
|
|
"Apathy" is a natural phase, it basically means that you haven't "gotten it" yet, most likely. It can, and probably will come to you, when? I don't know. Some people get that emotional rush months or years after it happened.
Yes, yes I'm back.
Somewhat.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Mon, 21st Jan 2013 10:23 Post subject: |
|
|
Yeah, that's very normal. Grieving isn't an exclusively emotional experience - and you can definitely grieve without actually feeling pain. The fact that the event has set in motion these thoughts and this analysis is a healthy sign of a natural grief - if you ask me.
Generally, you feel pain because of an emotional connection that's severed - and you really have no control over your emotional connections. So, feeling "bad" because you're not feeling pain is a waste of time. Also, the emotional reaction can often be delayed - and you might start to feel something later on.
Anyway, sad to hear about your friend.
What will happen to his two dogs?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Mon, 21st Jan 2013 10:30 Post subject: |
|
|
| Guy_Incognito wrote: | The grief might get you a bit later, sometimes you can't percept the loss of a person you have been related to right away.
Grandma died several years ago, grandad last year, in both cases I was really sad only after several months when I realised "fuck, they're actually gone " |
Kinda same here, first my grandma died and later my granddad. Of course I was sad, but not that sad really, I saw everyone crying and I didn't. But a month or so later it really got to me and I felt terrible, just realizing that I will never see them again I do think pretty often of them still, as I really cared about both of them. Still, weird how human behavior is from time to time.
PC: Yes. Console: No.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Mon, 21st Jan 2013 10:33 Post subject: Re: Is this normal? |
|
|
| Immunity wrote: | Got a call this morning notifying us that a family friend was found passed away on the side of the road in his truck (he was a commercial truck driver). I've basically known this guy since I was a little kid, and had spoken to him just last month near Christmas (hadn't seen him for about a year prior to that).
This guy was a jovial soul that never had a harsh word to say about anyone, but he kept to himself more or less aside from us (wasn't married, had two dogs, all of his natural family live back in Poland). Just generally an all around great bloke. And he died on the side of the road, on the other side of the state, alone at night (most likely natural causes, as he was overweight). Shitty fucking way to go.
I've never had anyone close to me pass away before, and I'm not sure exactly what the grieving process involves, but it seems strange to feel so very little. I wouldn't say it's indifference, just kind of an emptiness. I feel like I should be feeling something stronger, some sadness or grief, but it's just kinda....empty. It worries me a little - feels like I'm just emotionally closed off from everything. Is this kind of reaction to be expected? |
I'd say it's quite normal. Sure you knew him a long time and he was a great guy, but you didn't have a deeper emotional connection with him like you do family members or people you hang out with and see regularly. That being said, people grieve differently.
Or you may be emotionally detached but that's another issue...
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Page 1 of 1 |
All times are GMT + 1 Hour |
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
Powered by phpBB 2.0.8 © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group
|
|
 |
|
