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 Posted: Sun, 23rd Dec 2012 06:05 Post subject: So today i was gonna visit my grandfather, and he dies. |
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Hmmm, i heard my grandfather had a heart issue last weekend, he was in his 98, my family visited him today which was quite far and i had somethings to do so i planned going next weekend, so i stayed, they went at 6AM arrived by 10am, my father arrived later and after he arrived my grandfather died in his home at 1PM.
Feeling kind of bad that i failed to be there to talk one last time and a lil surprised how he died just after my father arrived. I wonder if people actually fight to stay and hold on a while just enough to see that person who is going to see them before they go... i wonder so much....
Also noticed that im quite detached to showing feelings and the usual ways of people. I feel bad for not going, i didnt feel super bad of his passing because his time was due, i know he knew it, i know he enjoyed his life and he can be proud of his lineage, im supposed to go tomorrow to the funeral but even at that im detached, i have no interest in going it seems pointless to me and yet i find meaning in being there and yet i do care for him and liked him and i think all positive things about him and i respect him.
Oh mixed feelings.... if people could read my mind they would know i have all my all into his passing and yet my acts could show like i care nothing about it... oh well...
Wondering what thoughts other people have on this.
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Sun, 23rd Dec 2012 06:16 Post subject: |
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went through pretty much same thing sort of while back.
then a few months later i exploded emotionally. 
it's suck not knowing how to deal with something asap. and that feeling of detachment is there. and then boom. broken sink. a new door. new dishes. etc. etc.
it sucks. i hope you don't explode it kinda made me go all  
go to the funeral. at least out of respect.  98 is good though and glad to hear he had a good life.
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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| Posted: Sun, 23rd Dec 2012 06:26 Post subject: |
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Hmm alone i dont break down but as soon as i see someone sufering and crying it hits me. I feel a lot for others, so when someone suffers i suffer his feelings.
Also i dont actually feel bad, not even holding it, i wont explode later cause i accept that his time was due, same as my other grandmother she is months away from death, and ive told everyone to get ready, to prepare themselves, to go now, my mother etc. I knew my Grandfather was gonna die, but not today, i was going next week, so i failed him. In that, but i know that i cherish him, so i dont feel bad, i didnt intend to fail him. Or i failed to know how serious it was. Oh well... too complicated.
I feel bad for not going, indeed. Im just amazed at how much ive been damaged over time, i show very little and i care very little for customs. Shows up at home, at my latests relationships etc. Ive become like a stone, and yet im very easy to anger. Hmmm, i will go, that way i can visit everyone there and my grandmother who isnt far from passing. Also my father, whom i have over 2 years without contact. Another example of how detatched ive become.
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tonizito
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Location: Portugal, the shithole of Europe.
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| Posted: Sun, 23rd Dec 2012 07:12 Post subject: |
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| WaldoJ wrote: | went through pretty much same thing sort of while back.
then a few months later i exploded emotionally.
it's suck not knowing how to deal with something asap. and that feeling of detachment is there. and then boom. broken sink. a new door. new dishes. etc. etc.
it sucks. i hope you don't explode it kinda made me go all
go to the funeral. at least out of respect. 98 is good though and glad to hear he had a good life. |
Damn son! 
I also went through something like that with my grandfather with a slight difference... I saw him getting weaker and weaker throughout a whole year
Fucked up way to go, I hope I'm able to avoid going out like that if I can.
| boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote: | | i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then |
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deelix
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Location: Norway
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Werelds
Special Little Man
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| Posted: Sun, 23rd Dec 2012 13:01 Post subject: |
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| Lopin18 wrote: | | Also i dont actually feel bad, not even holding it, i wont explode later cause i accept that his time was due |
Trust me when I say that that tells you nothing. I've been in a similar situation, I knew it was coming and I knew it was due; and in fact, when I heard (was away at the time, so I got a phone call) I just went "ok" and felt glad on some level in fact (cancer was involved).
Month later, after the funeral, it hit me like a freight train.
Good luck anyway mate, just don't skip out on the funeral even if just to pay your respects |
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ixigia
[Moderator] Consigliere
Posts: 65073
Location: Italy
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| Posted: Sun, 23rd Dec 2012 19:28 Post subject: |
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My condolences Lopin..What you're feeling is completely normal mate, being "detached" during these moments is like an automatic and temporary defence mechanism.
I've been through something similar too some years ago..and trust me, do as Werelds said, absolutely don't skip the funeral. If anything, it's a way to get back in touch with your family.
There's nothing more important than the love of your close ones, and I'm sure that it will help you brighten you life again, even in such a sad circumstance.
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MAD_MAX333
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Posts: 7020
Location: Toronto, Canada...eh
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| Posted: Sun, 23rd Dec 2012 19:56 Post subject: |
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I see death too much to really care anymore... Unfortunately even family death doesn't affect me much anymore. I rather be happy and celebrate the good times of the person who passed rather than cry and whine. Man I would hate if people in my funeral were all sad and quite and stuff.
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| Posted: Sun, 23rd Dec 2012 21:45 Post subject: |
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Well just got back, well it was all good, until i saw my aunt, who got taken in by my granddad but she wasnt his child. She grew up in their house and all and was living with him with her husband. When i saw her and came close to her she was really sad and it really hit me then. Said hi to my father in the ceremony, no tears no nothing, just like i remember him, also kind of cold to me.
Then in the cementery heard my aunt say something to the open casket that really hit me, ive never seen anyone express so much gratitude for someone in 5 words and i know it was really there, i cant imagine how much she apreciates everyhing he did. My father still that cold way, oh well. Then i got to talk to him, he feels mad about my abandonment, i have my own reasons, maybe now he wants to fix it but well, thats how it is, maybe ill contact him again now and then but im not really a very social person to my family or people far from me.
oh well, some day this was.
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Dec 2012 02:27 Post subject: |
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Sorry to hear that your grandad died bloke.
All I know for me was trying to guess what others are thinking, meant, 9 times outta 10 I'dl get it wrong. especially during strong emotions like grief.
Best thing you can do with your dad is wait until both of you have 'processed' this death a bit, then talk to your him about stuff.Was your grandad the father of your father? If he was it wouldn't be smart to take on board anything your father says or does at the moment.
I loathed my father on so many levels the only time I saw him for the last 20 years he lived was a coupla days before he died. Nevertheless when he did die, I was hit with some strong feelings I never knew I had.
For me the only thing that really cured the dread of mortality peeps feel when someone close karks it, is children. Having your own kids brings that circle of life into perspective .
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Dec 2012 04:34 Post subject: |
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They were closing the casket for the last time, and my aunt said "Wait!" after a long while of crying and just gathered a strenght and peace to say this. "Father, Thank you for everything you've done for us"
I will never forget that moment, ive never in my life felt and heard such a powerful honest declaration towards someone. It was at that moment that put all the details in the table of just how much he did for her, that moment i saw just how much this man had done here. RIP.
I would have regretted not going and seeing what happened there.
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tonizito
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Location: Portugal, the shithole of Europe.
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Dec 2012 04:42 Post subject: |
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The only thing that I really don't like is the local/traditional custom of doing everything in a church.
I mean, I get the idea since it also allows to let anyone who wishes it to say goodbye.
The following ceremony and the whole walk to the cemetery... not so much 
| boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote: | | i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then |
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Dec 2012 04:48 Post subject: |
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I would like that when i die, i do so in a hospital, cremated and just have a letter ill have ready then to express my last words that may remain in my family. Then again, im not religious but my family is so i can expect that ill be talked all that nonsense.... wish i could pop up just one more time and say "Shift+Delete with no ways to recover"
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WaldoJ
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Posts: 32678
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Dec 2012 05:01 Post subject: |
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cremation is the best way to go. that's what i want. organs harvested except for liver and lungs  and turn to ash. and scattered somewhere impossible. which means i'd have to raise my kids super proper and full of respect.  so then when i die... they'd have to go to like... space!
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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