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Mutantius
VIP Member
Posts: 18594
Location: In Elektro looking for beans
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 Posted: Tue, 19th Jul 2005 19:19 Post subject: |
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Sorry to hear that dude, but dont give up!
Dont you ahve any friends to support you in this?
"Why don't you zip it, Zipfero?" - fraich3
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Under
Posts: 667
Location: Scotland
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| Posted: Tue, 19th Jul 2005 19:23 Post subject: |
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I've been in almost the identical situation this what you can do about it :
First : Relax. Try not think about (i know it's fucking hard) - play some games watch some movie try to focus on something else.
Second : Drinking or starting smoking is a worst idea that you can do right now. Already tried it and I know that it only helps for a while.
Third : Talk about it with some of your friend (the one you trust) you can even cry at his shoulder if you want to.
Fourth : You telephones to her won't changed her mind. You can only make her more pissed at you. I know that you will call to her anyway (just like i did) but trust me it won't make situation any better.
Fifth : Puting all the stuff that reminds her to you in one box a hide it in a closed it not a sucha a bad idea. It help you to not think about her 24/7...
Sixth: don't even thinks about DRUGS !
Best PICKUP LINE :
"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
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drakgon
Posts: 1167
Location: England
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Bigperm
Posts: 1908
Location: Alberta,Canada
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| Posted: Tue, 19th Jul 2005 23:06 Post subject: |
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Maybe you could talk with your Doctor as well, thats what i did when i was really depressed over my EX. He/She can be a great sounding board. My family doctor got me through alot.
As the pervious post said "Avoid Drink and drugs" it will only make it worse, best to try and keep a clear head.
Take Care
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Tue, 19th Jul 2005 23:29 Post subject: |
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Hey UserF
I've been there man, recently too...sorry to hear about your mom, thats sad.
But the GF thing, my wife of 5 years left me for NO REASON at all...to this day she still hasn't given me a reason...I know its hard right now and u prolly feel like everything is going to shit and u have no one left...but Im telling you man, it does get easier as the time goes by. I know that sounds like bullshit, cuz thats what i thought when my friend's told me that (the ones who had been in the same spot) but I can assure u man, 200% that things will get better. Like FOR SURE THEY WILL GET BETTER.
And really man, there will be another woman for u. And most likely, she will be better, more in tune and more loving than ur ex. U ain't gunna find her right away and thats the hard part...its been almost 4 months since my wife left me and it still hurts, but I can get through the days easier now and soon enough, ur gunna be looking for the thrill of finding a next girl to get to know and love.
I know it's hard to fathom that right now, but Im telling you man, it'll workout for u - just give it time. I suggest chillin with ur boys, going out and partying on the weekends, get back into the swing of things ya know? I don't know ur situation with ur gf, like if she lived with u or what. If she did live with u, I know the nite is when u feel the worst and feel like saying fuck it, and just giving up. DONT DO IT. Have a friend stay with u for a lil if thats what it takes...my one bud, his name is Ryan, stayed with me for 1 1/2 months.
Like I said, it will take time man, but really, u gotta work it out in ur mind.
If ur gf left u when u needed her the most (like my wife did) then u know what? FUCK HER. Straight up, she isnt worth shit - if she really loved u, she'd stick by u through thick and thin. I promise u man, u'll find a better woman, one who will support and be there for u no matter what. But it will take time.
If u ever need to rant man, PM me 
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MAD_MAX333
Moderator
Posts: 7020
Location: Toronto, Canada...eh
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| Posted: Wed, 20th Jul 2005 00:24 Post subject: |
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do NOT call her dude, i know it must be super hard and i feel for ya... but dont call... let her have some space, let her cool down and let yourself gather your thoughts and ideas.. then sit down with her and see how it goes... i hope all the best works out for ya man, horrible situation you are in.
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_SiN_
Megatron
Posts: 12108
Location: Cybertron
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Wed, 20th Jul 2005 12:28 Post subject: |
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I love to help people with problems, mainly because my life has been a constant fuck up since i was born, but im still here so i may aswell use my knowlege to help.
Allthough i cant really help you in the relationship with your girlfriend (cos quite frankly is suck with girls) anyway. But what i have been through is the depression, and the not eating or sleeping. What basically happenned is my grandfather died in front of me and i had serious shock and all of that shit. Basically i know how you feel, its worst in the mornings, you wake up feeling anxious and agitated, then the gloomy feeling of the depression and the thoughts of whats happenned hit you like a train and you cant do anything about it. You dont feel hungry and you dont feel like doing anything.
First off, the food is the thing you should concentrate on, even if your not hungry you have to force yourself to eat something mate, i know its hard but it does help. I recommend light things such as porridge or cerials, and things like breakfast bars which are full of energy and vitamins but dont take much to eat are good. Next is dealing with the problems, the best way i found help is to talk about it. If you dont have anyone in real life (im sorry to hear about your mother too, harsh shit) then feel free to talk to anyone, even on this forum, it WILL help you. Let all your thoughts and feelings poor out, dont try to fight them. When you accept whats happenned it will feel better. I know that sounds harsh as fuck but believe me it will work. One thing i will say is what helped me the most, watching *feel good* movies, sounds sad indeed but who cares, you wanna feel better they will help too. Sleep is hard, specially when you have things on your mind.
I strongly recommend you DONT get meds to help because they just add to the problems, and arent worth it in the end. Allthough anti depressant meds are good, they often leave you with mood swings, you know like one minute you feel on top of the world, then the next you feel like shit.
Try to look on the bright side no matter how hard it is mate, you still have your health, you are still here, chances are your not going to die tomorrow, and there is allways a chance things will work out with your girl, and time is a great healer, as days go by youl feel a little better each day, trust me ive been there and done that.
I wish you well and hope this helps, feel free to ask me anything you want id be glad to help
troll detected by SiN
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Thu, 21st Jul 2005 00:23 Post subject: |
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Dont worry mate. If i was you id take a few days off work. Use this time to visit your sister, the doctor will probably either give you some meds and a pat on the back, or do what i got and get the old *il book you in with the councillor* and youl get the usual 4 month++ waiting time. You CAN help yourself no matter how hard it seems, i cant stress this enough, i even got to the point of not eating a single thing for about a week, then i realised that if i carried on i would do serious harm.
But at the moment, its good you have your sister. Tell her all your thoughts, and make sure you dont keep ANYTHING inside, even if you think shes not giving you both ears just get it off your chest. for eating, i recommend the following:
Theyre called Complan sachets. they are basically ultra vitimin inriched milkshakes that are quite cheap and taste great, they have everything the body needs so you can drink one at each meal time to keep your body healthy and take your mind off the worry of not eating whilst you can sort your head out of your other problems.
http://www.auravita.com/products/AURA/HENZ10590.asp?RefId=300
check them out, can get them from most supermarkets i think.
For the sleep: again dont worry to much about the sleep, its cos your mind is racing about things. The reason you feel down is because your missing something from your life and your body is withdrawn from it, and your worry about it just adds. The body heals great and so does the mind, just try to relax and your body will get over the withdrawn feeling just like it gets over a cold. Your sleep will get better and eventually your appetite will come back.
The best advice i can give you mate is just let it hit you hard and let yourself get used to it, then youl start feeling better. Life is a bitch, when she gets hard, fuck her Also, try to get into a steady routine of when you eat, sleep, chill, etc you know, and do things you enjoy rather than just sit dwelling in the doom and gloom and worry. And remember this : YOUR NOT ALONE! millions of people are going through what you are now, and millions have been through it. Just take it on the chest, good luck!
troll detected by SiN
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| Posted: Thu, 21st Jul 2005 02:59 Post subject: |
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wellcome to reality. from here on its downhill all the way.
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| Posted: Thu, 21st Jul 2005 03:16 Post subject: |
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If you go to the doctor dont go looking for meds, anti-depression drugs are just as bad as shooting up heroin or snorting cocaine, dont belittle their negative effects because they will destroy you.
Deal with your issues head on, dont let medicine rule your life. Watergem has the best advice for you, confide in your sister, you really need to just sit down and talk to someone, and not a useless psych who doesnt give a rats ass about your problem or just wants to hop you up on meds.
You never get over it...but you learn to accept it and move on.
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Thu, 21st Jul 2005 05:21 Post subject: |
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| D4rkKnight wrote: | If you go to the doctor dont go looking for meds, anti-depression drugs are just as bad as shooting up heroin or snorting cocaine, dont belittle their negative effects because they will destroy you.
Deal with your issues head on, dont let medicine rule your life. Watergem has the best advice for you, confide in your sister, you really need to just sit down and talk to someone, and not a useless psych who doesnt give a rats ass about your problem or just wants to hop you up on meds.
You never get over it...but you learn to accept it and move on. |
anti-depressents are as bad as shooting tar or hittin rails? get the fuck outta here bwoy...anti-depressents for some, are very beneficial. The whole holistic medicine thing is good and I do believe in it very deeply, but at the sametime, if used correctly and perscribed correctly, they do work and I know from first hand experience...myself and family members.
Events affect ppl in different ways for sure. U can't say that one method of healing won't work because it may not have for u - if u ever been at a really really fuckin low point in ur life
Anyway, the girl thing man, im telling you, no matter what, DO NOT CALL HER. Let her come back to you BUT when she does, don't fall all over her and think things are gunna be the same. If anything, expect a booty call, nothing more. I know, when it comes to women, that u might feels as if u'll never find another person to get as close to or love in that way u loved her, but seriously, u will. I know those words are kinda empty, especially since Im not a close friend. But when my wife and I broke up, I'd say that was one of the hardest things that I have had happen to me, cuz she stuck by me through things u'd think no one would - drug addiction, legal problems, work problems, health problems...u name it, she was there for me. Anyway, I beat myself up over it for a month straight...the drugs that I didnt do because of her, I did like 3 times as much, I didnt eat or sleep and only talked to like 2 ppl. like i said, my buddy stayed with me and talked me through it...and basically, he told me the same stuff I've said in this post and in previous ones. At the time, I figured he didnt understand my situation and that I was in love etc etc....all the while, he had his wife cheat on him with a family member when he was married a few years back and he went through the same shit and I talked him through it.
But when i reflect over the past few months everything I was told by those who had been in the position is true.
It takes time
Its takes alot of soul searching, even tho u may feel like it makes it worse, u really need to find out why u miss her...saying u love is could be a cop out...cuz for real, after that bad bad month I stopped everything, cept ganja (which may contradict me but when i say addicted I mean like sniffing a ball and a half a day of coke, and im not that big of a guy). I chilled by myself for a few days, just relaxed, worked on sleeping and eating, and clearing my head...and yes, sleeping pills from the DR did help...to an extent.
Thats what i think u need to do man...after all, u may not really even miss her although it seems like it, u miss the companionship. And, if she really really did love you, would she leave you in a time of need? These are things u gotta chill on man and think about...once u can answer those, then decide what ur going to do - IE calling her, not talking to her again, letting her call u, finding a next woman etc
But it will take TIME - don't force it cuz u may make a mistake and cause urself more pain when u really don't need to
Anyway, things will get better and just think, others have gone through similar situations and worse, and they pulled through. Im sure u can do the same bud
Go hit a dance club, mingle with some next girls and u'll feel a lil better, temp solution, but it will make ya feel better 
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MAD_MAX333
Moderator
Posts: 7020
Location: Toronto, Canada...eh
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| Posted: Thu, 21st Jul 2005 06:36 Post subject: |
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once you meet with her and she says yes.. then great.. IF not , then get rid of all her pics, everything that reminds you of it and just do anything to get rid of reminders of her...
mean while take some time off work right now... get a week off and get back into shape for a little while... they'll understand and its better for everyone...
you don't need a doctor,you need closure on either the relationship or if your going to get back with her.
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| Posted: Thu, 21st Jul 2005 10:03 Post subject: |
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i don`t know you but i have had experience of this and it fucked me up, firstly I am not a doctor for me i never took anti depressents thats not to say you shouldn`t I believe they can help as a short term stop gap through a traumatic time. My wife left me after 7 yrs of marriage we had 3 kids and she left me for another man. At first I reacted in the normal way I hit the guy chased her made myself look a right dickhead i lost four stone in weight went down to 12 stone in fact i never looked so good (i wouldn`t suggest suicidal depression as a diet though). In the end i realised I was powerless over her and had to let her get on with it I stopped contacting her it was to painful, access to my children was done through her parents. In that time I had long hard look at myself and I came to realise I had become a selfish self satisfying slob, ( I am no saying this is this is the case with you I am only talking from my own experience). The funny thing is the more I ignored her the more she wanted me, and eventually we got back together and the first couple of yrs were hard but 7 yrs later i never think about it untill I hear about someone elses pain. My main advice is to keep busy do small acheivable things clean put your old cupboards, wash the skirting boards I found these small little jobs kept my mind of what was going for little amounts of time. Try and get a routine going and TRY NOT TO CONTACT HER WOMEN DO NOT LIKE DESPERATE MEN. I really do feel for you mate most people have been through a similar time as what you are going through at the moment I know you feel all alone at the moment there is nothing worse than waking from a short and unsettled sleep to have that all empowering feeling of dread as your first thought of the day. Just keep talking to who ever will listen you`ll be suprised who will be able to give you good advice at this time of need. I hope all goes well for you and my thoughts are with you.
geoff
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| Posted: Thu, 21st Jul 2005 18:58 Post subject: |
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dohhhh she left you because ur so depressed!
try to chill down... and mybe she will come back...
true good and true bad times YEAH WRIGHT ( I would not merry that bitch )
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| Posted: Fri, 22nd Jul 2005 00:20 Post subject: |
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Fri, 22nd Jul 2005 01:32 Post subject: |
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| UserFriendly7 wrote: | thanks for the honest support people,
As a fool I am - I contacted her ~ and yes the worst thing happened. Maybe a good or bad thing it's made me feel that I dont want to see her because at the moment I can see how little I might mean to her 
She said she will come around Sunday to pick up her stuff but to be honest this week has knackered my emotions and I'm now off work until further notice.
It got to the point where I drove my car into the woods my mother's ash's were scattered and was emotionally upset.
Thank God for sisters who dragged my two nieces and bf out to get me.
In the back of my mind I still 100000% want her back, but this aint going to happen for me.
Maybe in a few weeks she might realise what she has lost - but maybe I will move on or go back.
Thanks for the support people - altho there is a lot of advice floating around, i feel it's what your natural actions do that is important. For now im going to let her do the running, and I plan to get drunk with the lads tomorow.
Im feeling a little bit more up but today has taught me a lot and I need sleep.
Thanks !  |
Listen man, I know what im gunna say is prolly not even gunna phase u, but seriously, Just Let It Go...I don't mean not think about her, but think about her in a way that u know whatever u loved about her, there is someone else out there who has the same qualities and prolly better, judging by what u say.
I know shit seems gloomy, but u got the right attitude i think, just chill, find urself again, the guy u were before u relied on her, when u relied on urself, betcha he' still there man |
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| Posted: Fri, 22nd Jul 2005 17:35 Post subject: |
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wow. you could be in one of those little promo blurbs sonyTV shows down here in mexico with the premise "is sucks to be" and it does a little minute long documentary on george costanzy ray romano, etc's finest moments.
Girls can really suck tho, so I feel ya on that one, myself having a stepped on many-a-feminine mine.
things will pick up. they always do. hang in there. plus, it makes for great nforce conversation
piracy isn't a hobby, it's a way of life
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Bigperm
Posts: 1908
Location: Alberta,Canada
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| Posted: Fri, 22nd Jul 2005 17:38 Post subject: |
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Hey man. You seem like a really genuine, and carring person. I dont know her or you for that matter. But from what i have read i think, if she doesnt come around. Its her loss..
This experience will make you stronger, and you will get through it. If you ever need to talk, we are all here for you. PM me if you want. Even if you just need to vent.
I wish you the very best, stay strong and take care of yourself.
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