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Saner
Posts: 6877
Location: Uk
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 Posted: Wed, 11th May 2005 23:51 Post subject: Public opinion |
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this is something I have managed to get my mits upon. Keep in mind its very earyl work.... whats your views on it (and also keep in mind its only the first scene, and i would post more but if it where officail and not a friends work it would be under a nda)
| Quote: |
Black Screen White text
A Ghost Story.....
<After 5 Seconds>
For Adults Only........
Prologue
We open with Death sat at a bar in a pub, this is no crappy Death, it is a full on Sat in a black hooded outfit covering his whole body, with a scythe leaning up against the wall behind him, evil Death. He is sat drinking a pint of a locally brewed ale, that has been served to him by a member of the living dead from behind the bar. The bar is a bar of the dead, no living people are anywhere to be seen. Along the bar are various members of heaven and hell, its a place where the two sides can meet and chill. There are Angels and Demons drinking, we are concentrating on death as he pulls a book from his shrouds pocket and opens it, as he opens it the screen fades out and we just hear Death say
Death
Listen.....
Scene 1
EXT – Field
We see a couple in a field of long grass, They are kissing and cuddling each other.
The woman, has her hair up, so it is deceiving as to how much hair she actually has, and is dressed all in black with a long skirt on.
The man is dressed in black and has a beret on his head.
The camera flows backwards to reveal a voyeur as he watches on, he pulls a small camera from his pocket and begins to slowly take photo's.
As there kissing becomes more passionate we stay watching the couple and there voyeur for around 20 seconds, the man grabs hold of the womans skirt pulling it up to reveal sheer black seemed stocking's and a bare backside, as if they had been planning this she was prepared with no underwear. They are kissing pretty much none stop, and talking in between in heated breaths.
As they are kissing we can see them from various angles, but we NEVER see there faces as it is hidden by the kissing, When they stop kissing to talk briefly, they have there back's to the main Camera so again we cant see there face's...
Woman
Are we succeeding?
She runs her hand down front of the man to rest on his groin, she has her back to our voyeur
Man
How could we fail not too?
She smiles (seen in Camera 2)
They go back to kissing and turn around so the man has his back to the voyeur
We can see our voyeur is getting a little frustrated at the view he has, and he holds the camera up from time to time to take blind shots, he is using a digital camera with the shutter noise disabled, and he has no need for a flash, we spend about 10 uncomfortable seconds with our voyeur as he takes a number of shots, a few times he moves a little to try and get a better point of view.
The woman then lowers herself to her knee's in front of the man (who's back is still to us) she is in perfect line with his groin, she unbuttons and drops his trousers to he knee's and pulls him over on top of her, wrapping her seamed stockings around him to hold him there.
they go back to kissing, and our voyeur ventures up onto his knee's to try and get a better shot, he ducking under the grass, to try and keep out of sight.
the man with that leans over as if to start kissing the girl again, and he bites into her face, its hard to tell from camera 1's view, but camera 2 shows it, he rips her lip off and his and her face are now covered with her blood, our voyeur panics and turns to run, but he makes a little to much noise, and we see the man's head change direction... towards where the voyeur was hid (we still don't see his face) the voyeur realising his cover is blown just gets up and starts to run as fast as he can across the field away from what he has just seen.
The Man (killer) takes the beret from his head and gently puts it over the woman's face
Man
Your hat sweetheart
The man looks to see the voyeur running across the field, a long distance from him, he pulls up his trousers with haste and starts to give chase.
Our camera follows behind the killer, but we can see the voyeur in the distance... after 10 seconds or so of chase (with the voyeur turning to see where the killer is) we see the voyeur dive over a gate into the next field... with this the pace slows as the killer slows down to a walking pace, the camera backtracks through the field to the women's body and shows her hand (still not showing her face)
Her hand moves all of a sudden
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| ragnarus wrote: |
I saw things like that in here and in other "woman problems" topics so...... Am I the only one that thinks some authorities needs to be alerted about Saner and him possibly being a rapist and/or kidnapper ? |
Saner is not being serious. Unless its the subject of Santa!
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| Posted: Thu, 12th May 2005 03:13 Post subject: Re: Public opinion |
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| |nSaNe wrote: | this is something I have managed to get my mits upon. Keep in mind its very earyl work.... whats your views on it (and also keep in mind its only the first scene, and i would post more but if it where officail and not a friends work it would be under a nda)
| Quote: |
Black Screen White text
A Ghost Story.....
<After 5 Seconds>
For Adults Only........
Prologue
We open with Death sat at a bar in a pub, this is no crappy Death, it is a full on Sat in a black hooded outfit covering his whole body, with a scythe leaning up against the wall behind him, evil Death. He is sat drinking a pint of a locally brewed ale, that has been served to him by a member of the living dead from behind the bar. The bar is a bar of the dead, no living people are anywhere to be seen. Along the bar are various members of heaven and hell, its a place where the two sides can meet and chill. There are Angels and Demons drinking, we are concentrating on death as he pulls a book from his shrouds pocket and opens it, as he opens it the screen fades out and we just hear Death say
Death
Listen.....
Scene 1
EXT – Field
We see a couple in a field of long grass, They are kissing and cuddling each other.
The woman, has her hair up, so it is deceiving as to how much hair she actually has, and is dressed all in black with a long skirt on.
The man is dressed in black and has a beret on his head.
The camera flows backwards to reveal a voyeur as he watches on, he pulls a small camera from his pocket and begins to slowly take photo's.
As there kissing becomes more passionate we stay watching the couple and there voyeur for around 20 seconds, the man grabs hold of the womans skirt pulling it up to reveal sheer black seemed stocking's and a bare backside, as if they had been planning this she was prepared with no underwear. They are kissing pretty much none stop, and talking in between in heated breaths.
As they are kissing we can see them from various angles, but we NEVER see there faces as it is hidden by the kissing, When they stop kissing to talk briefly, they have there back's to the main Camera so again we cant see there face's...
Woman
Are we succeeding?
She runs her hand down front of the man to rest on his groin, she has her back to our voyeur
Man
How could we fail not too?
She smiles (seen in Camera 2)
They go back to kissing and turn around so the man has his back to the voyeur
We can see our voyeur is getting a little frustrated at the view he has, and he holds the camera up from time to time to take blind shots, he is using a digital camera with the shutter noise disabled, and he has no need for a flash, we spend about 10 uncomfortable seconds with our voyeur as he takes a number of shots, a few times he moves a little to try and get a better point of view.
The woman then lowers herself to her knee's in front of the man (who's back is still to us) she is in perfect line with his groin, she unbuttons and drops his trousers to he knee's and pulls him over on top of her, wrapping her seamed stockings around him to hold him there.
they go back to kissing, and our voyeur ventures up onto his knee's to try and get a better shot, he ducking under the grass, to try and keep out of sight.
the man with that leans over as if to start kissing the girl again, and he bites into her face, its hard to tell from camera 1's view, but camera 2 shows it, he rips her lip off and his and her face are now covered with her blood, our voyeur panics and turns to run, but he makes a little to much noise, and we see the man's head change direction... towards where the voyeur was hid (we still don't see his face) the voyeur realising his cover is blown just gets up and starts to run as fast as he can across the field away from what he has just seen.
The Man (killer) takes the beret from his head and gently puts it over the woman's face
Man
Your hat sweetheart
The man looks to see the voyeur running across the field, a long distance from him, he pulls up his trousers with haste and starts to give chase.
Our camera follows behind the killer, but we can see the voyeur in the distance... after 10 seconds or so of chase (with the voyeur turning to see where the killer is) we see the voyeur dive over a gate into the next field... with this the pace slows as the killer slows down to a walking pace, the camera backtracks through the field to the women's body and shows her hand (still not showing her face)
Her hand moves all of a sudden
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quite good... I'm curious what it is, exactly.
My first guess was a sequel to Grim Fandango, but... rips her lip off? This part sounds more like a VTM game, or Bloodrayne. The awakening of the victim points towards VTM. But neither of those feature a comical "narrator" death, which the title and first part suggest. If you can, please post more... alongside with at least a hint at what it is.
<obligatory>
</obligatory>
You may consider me curious... |
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Griffon
Banned
Posts: 1875
Location: Belarus
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Godlikez*
Banned
Posts: 2722
Location: In Your Illusions
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Saner
Posts: 6877
Location: Uk
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| Posted: Thu, 12th May 2005 09:09 Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | My first guess was a sequel to Grim Fandango, but... rips her lip off? |
Its a script to a short story I wrote a while ago.
a friend needed a script for a project he was working on, and took my story and converted it.
I tweaked the intro as I felt in his draft of it the intro didnt get intresting until the forth or fifth page, so I was ntrested if my re-write of the first scene got people intrested
| ragnarus wrote: |
I saw things like that in here and in other "woman problems" topics so...... Am I the only one that thinks some authorities needs to be alerted about Saner and him possibly being a rapist and/or kidnapper ? |
Saner is not being serious. Unless its the subject of Santa! |
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Saner
Posts: 6877
Location: Uk
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| Posted: Thu, 12th May 2005 09:13 Post subject: |
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the full version is here
http://www.wilson-household.com/Untitled.rar
Ignore the final two / three scenes as they need to be completly re-written they are no where near intense enough.
If I hear people moaning I wil pull it, constructive critisism is cool, but if you liked the intro read the rest, if you didnt like the intro dont bother cause its more of the same.
Openoffice document.
| ragnarus wrote: |
I saw things like that in here and in other "woman problems" topics so...... Am I the only one that thinks some authorities needs to be alerted about Saner and him possibly being a rapist and/or kidnapper ? |
Saner is not being serious. Unless its the subject of Santa!
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