something I wrote
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Acer




Posts: 3156

PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 20:14    Post subject: something I wrote
I was headed for an unknown path when I found myself lost inside a deep forest.
The trees stretched high into the air, their crowns hiding the sun, the stars and the moon.
As I walked, with nothing to guide me I suddenly saw you.
As a beam of light you came into my life, a star, you pointed me toward the road.
What I didnt realize was that you too were lost, and in me you had found your star to guide you.
The path could only be found once we had found each other.


Dont mess with God, he can impregnate your girlfriend/wife without taking his pants off!


Last edited by Acer on Sat, 9th Mar 2013 22:08; edited 1 time in total
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Ankh




Posts: 23350
Location: Trelleborg
PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 20:19    Post subject:
..and then you fhita!


shitloads of new stuff in my pc. Cant keep track of it all.
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WaldoJ
VIP Member



Posts: 32678

PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 20:44    Post subject:
and here's an e-mail i wrote asking for a job

 Spoiler:
 


Sin317 wrote:
I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself.
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RMFX




Posts: 2111

PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 21:32    Post subject:
WaldoJ wrote:
and here's an e-mail i wrote asking for a job

 Spoiler:
 


Let me guess. No response Razz
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Acer




Posts: 3156

PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 22:07    Post subject:
Ankh wrote:
..and then you fhita!



Laughing what?


Dont mess with God, he can impregnate your girlfriend/wife without taking his pants off!
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TSR69
Banned



Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 22:12    Post subject:
b=a Very Happy


Formerly known as iconized
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Acer




Posts: 3156

PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 22:18    Post subject:
TSR69 wrote:
b=a Very Happy



Oh ok, Ankh is swedish so thought he meant something close but way different Smile

But opinions guys, if you were a chick would you go for my words?


Dont mess with God, he can impregnate your girlfriend/wife without taking his pants off!
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ixigia
[Moderator] Consigliere



Posts: 65092
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 22:27    Post subject:
If an exotic sexy guy wrote me those lines, I would instantly spread my legs Pffchh
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Ankh




Posts: 23350
Location: Trelleborg
PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 23:14    Post subject:
ixigia wrote:
If an exotic sexy guy wrote me those lines, I would instantly spread my legs Pffchh


...then again, you do that if they wave half a bottle of whiskey infront of you too!


shitloads of new stuff in my pc. Cant keep track of it all.
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ixigia
[Moderator] Consigliere



Posts: 65092
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 23:20    Post subject:
Ankh wrote:
ixigia wrote:
If an exotic sexy guy wrote me those lines, I would instantly spread my legs Pffchh


...then again, you do that if they wave half a bottle of whiskey infront of you too!

Ah! You know me well Ankhy..


Very Happy
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TSR69
Banned



Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
PostPosted: Sat, 9th Mar 2013 23:44    Post subject: Re: something I wrote
Acer wrote:
I was headed for an unknown path when I found myself lost inside a deep forest.
The trees stretched high into the air, their crowns hiding the sun, the stars and the moon.
As I walked, with nothing to guide me I suddenly saw you.
As a beam of light you came into my life, a star, you pointed me toward the road.
What I didnt realize was that you too were lost, and in me you had found your star to guide you.
The path could only be found once we had found each other.


Acer wrote:
But opinions guys, if you were a chick would you go for my words?

The muse is not with me today, but I think it needs some improvements.
"I was headed for an unknown path" I guess it needs to point out that you were wandering without purpose. Something like this:

An unknown path led me inside a thick forest
Lost and without purpose I looked around
Tree trunks stretched up high in the sky
Their crowns hid the sun, the moon and the stars

The last sentence "The path could only be found once we had found each other", you should tell that after meeting her, a path becomes visible. It doesn't need further explanation. Hope it helps a bit. Smile

Edit: I have edited this post a couple of times btw, but it is not visible. Still poetry requires that you put something on paper, take a step back and figure out how to improve it. Every word in the whole construct should have a meaning.
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