Yea yea, i finally accept this, i cant connect with people, i just cant care for most people even though i never harm them. I do care for my family and close friends but i never show it. I just protect and help in my own way.
But after that, i cant seem to get interested or care for other people outside that circle. Even in romantic ones i havent found that interest, of course i noticed how bad i am for them romantically and casually and i harmed some with my indifference. We parted ways and ive come to accept im not quite connected to people. I dont see why they or others would choose me romantically, at least as friends im honest and i help, but i dont seek or show affection or interest in going out or stuff like that.
The times i felt a strong interest i think it came from impressions. Hot chick, cant figure her out, seems interesting, im hooked, but thats not healthy and ive learnt. Friends... they can tolerate it, but lately romance and their honest feedback (them knowing how weird i am) has made me think a lot about how i am.
Dont know, just find it too revealing to really understand that i dont give a shit nor can i care for others as they want me to do it. But i love them in my own secret way. And i know im the guy that when they talk about it seeking to understand its "wow wtf, hes up to something, hes an ass" not really but i know it doesnt feel nice how i treat them.
Do you think it's difficult for you to open up to people?
And if so, why? Are you afraid to be judged or labelled, or do you not care at all?
Since you have a circle of friends that, obviously, are out of the family circle, that means you opened up to these guys at some point, even a little.
I kinda feel the same way, but I don't allow myself to "act the part", since it would mean a certain "spiritual death", if you know what I mean.
Walk me through that, if you so please
"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
The vast majority of people aren't worth caring about. You'll find that the less people you have in your life, the less problems you're faced with. A lonely existence, true, but a worthy trade-off given the headaches you save over a lifetime.
I can never be free, because the shackles I wear can't be touched or be seen.
i9-9900k, MSI MPG-Z390 Gaming Pro Carbon, 32GB DDR4 @ 3000, eVGA GTX 1080 DT, Samsung 970 EVO Plus nVME 1TB
Edit: holy fucking shit wtf, i didnt notice how long this went lol.
I just find my current self pretty weird by normal definition. Ill talk about that in the end
Hulu. My close friends are childhood friends. We've lived together ever since i was 10. So yea. No surprise they are close lol. We are a group of 5.
Personally i used to be shy. I didnt want to be in the spotlight. That changed years ago. I easily engage with people. People laugh and i have no bound into what i talk about and everyone shares with me. I do enjoy talking if its about weird or things normally not shared. I love inside peeks at people and whats really up behind the social act.
Now... Since some years ago i dont give a shit what people think of me or what i say. So im open and free when i talk. As i said, i dont do harm i dont create awkward situations. I know how to socialize.
There is where things get bad for me. People get close to me and i find everything outside fun talks to be uninteresting. Or i just dont get it.
Lovers, i like being at home and sharing, but i need days to be alone and play or rest or work on my car. Im selfish. I dont care. I enjoy my life and i know i dont share enough time to lovers, nor do i care, i dont find the urge or desire to do it. And other things... But time and enjoying my alone time is a big big issue, i know they miss me. I know they wsnt to visit. I just want my time... So there goes lover stuff (plus a lot of situations women expected something of me and i didnt even think about it. Things like oh pay her bill, pick her up even though wr were going to the same place..., Sweet stuff like that, wooshhh over my head)
People and family. People. I enjoy the ocasional going out and drinking and sharing stories and talking about things with ym friends or people i find in those nights. But thats it. I dont wanna smile at you. I dont wanna say good morning every fu king day, i dont wan a small talk about.... Stuff.... Random daily stuff...
Family. I love my mom. Ill stop racing and living my life if i must spend all my money in the house. I pay for everything and help. No problems. I just hate small talking. Or hugs. Or talking with her. First shes religious and old school. So any topics i like are just problems. She keeps thr car and i drive to work and she picks me up. I dont want to talk. Music only. Ill say ahh good day ibdeed. Boring day. But i dont wan a small talk morr than that. I wont say i love her, she knows it.
I know if a lover moved in i would be a mix of that and being nice and fun. I think i wont be ideal as far as ive seen.
Im on the phone so i wont type more. I just find that my comfort zone is very selfish, i feel cold when i put myself in their shoes or when they talk to mr about how they feel i feel disappointed at both. Me for being and enjoying my lonely form and them for not understanding or believeing that i dont hate or dislike or thst im being mean or distant....
I gotta think more. I can be social as hell and do everything right to get people happy. But i feel fake. I dont feel the need to be like that.
Lazy. Recent event, my mother, she told me she was thinking of moving out, because she felt i wanted to be alone (i knoe she thought i hated her being there), and i said no. Not it. I just like peace and quiet. A lover cried and told me she felt this that (distanced, unattended) " im like this you knew it" told me to fo an effort. I dont want to. Im happy as i am. All above applied. People feel this from me, a lot. Not my friends, they know im nuts but thry csn count on me.
No girlfriend right now, precisely because of how i am, i did get interested in some people and ended up as lovers for a while. Next girlfriend i get is gonna have to blow my mind .
You're not alone with that feeling man... especially in this I recognized myself:
Lopin18 wrote:
but i need days to be alone and play or rest or work on my car. Im selfish. I dont care. I enjoy my life and i know i dont share enough time to lovers, nor do i care, i dont find the urge or desire to do it. And other things... But time and enjoying my alone time is a big big issue, i know they miss me. I know they wsnt to visit. I just want my time... So there goes lover stuff (plus a lot of situations women expected something of me and i didnt even think about it. Things like oh pay her bill, pick her up even though wr were going to the same place..., Sweet stuff like that, wooshhh over my head)
That's why my last relationship didn't work out and I moved out again. Beautiful nice girl, but she never understood why I just needed 2-3 days/evenings a week for myself. It's not like I am socially awkward, I easily make friends, people generally like me... hell, I even worked in a dive bar for 5 years when I was a student, still meet people randomly from that time when going out, always excited to talk with me and have laugh.
But after 2 or 3 days of being social I just need a day with as little talk as possible. She never got that, took it personal somehow...
I'm pretty sure there are girls for guys like us out there too, with the same "issue". Just harder to find since they also enjoy their time alone Maybe that's also the issue, me going for very noticable, exciting girls and then it turns out they lead a too active livestyle for me.
Yeah, theres someone for everyone i suppose, too many different mentalities. Sadly i have it hard, in this culture being sweet and extremely attentive is a common thing, almost a common life style. Flirting is constant and extreme. So someone like me is really weird to treat.
In romance i understand, i dont pay it no mind, i dont force anyone to be with me. But since this reflects in every situation (like the case with my mother) it does makes me think a lot, but seriously, im happy as i am, is it really that hard to understand why i like being this way, silent most of the times...
Nah man, there is nothing wrong with being the silent type. As long as it doesn't come from a place of arrogance or aloofness most people are fine with it, and if the more quiet guys say something people usually know it's important and listen.
But I can understand that it's more difficult in countries where people usually are more open and lively, don't know how I would deal with that either.
Well locally in this culture this isnt even close to normal. Whats expected is waaaay more social and attentive than i care to give. But oh well everything keeps flowing normally, i just wonder sometimes when people start theorizing and moving away from me. But to be fair it would have happened anyways.
Well locally in this culture this isnt even close to normal. Whats expected is waaaay more social and attentive than i care to give. But oh well everything keeps flowing normally, i just wonder sometimes when people start theorizing and moving away from me. But to be fair it would have happened anyways.
I know it's far fetched, but did you consider to move to another country more akin to your ways? You look healthy (mindside) and somewhat safe in your self. Maybe you just need to be in a society which doesn't value socialness and attentiveness so much? Like an european country.
Im pretty open with people, i just have my clear hard limits. Ill be nice, but ill never sacrifice myself if i dont know you or if i have reasons to doubt you. Ill share tell ask everything, but im veeeery quick to close up and retire. Thats one day, next day maybe i just wanna play and stay home locked up, fuck everyone im playing
Ive always planned to move to Canada, but i find no drive to do it right now. Next year ill apply for SURE. Ever since that thing about not getting promoted really made me think im worth jackshit at work. So yes, ill take the english certification exam required by canada immigration. Ill apply and i hope everything works out. Im nervous, but i think ill feel worse in DR if i keep working where i work. I love my work and what i create, so im very offended after not getting promoted and doing all that work.
You sound perfectly normal to me, maybe you're just a finn at heart. Excellent choice bro, if I may say.
Perhaps it doesn't look like it, but I can relate to the Finnish way of life, I really open up (if you know what I mean ) only to a fairly limited range of people, not too dissimilar from Lopin's experience, with random folks distant from my personal sphere, simple real life acquaintances or even neighbours I'm more of a small-talk-evading grumpy cat.
The exuberant latin movida can be entertaining, there's no denying that, but it's really too stressful since there are high social expectations that can't be met when one has so many hobbies that work well only in complete isolation. It's all about balancing the sacred hermit life with the normal one based on interactions, but it can be hard, dammit! *waves the cane*
It can be exagerated, i remember visiting my grandparents at a rural city, 1am, i was 16-17, walking around the streets, see a hot lady in a house porch, dude you could walk to their home, chat with her and parents would invite you in. It was so bizarre now that i remember it. People are really lovely here, but not quite my style i guess.
@Immunity Intimacy is putting yourself in a position of vulnerability. Dysfunctional relationships are often used to avoid intimacy. When you open the doorway to intimacy, you open the doorway to potential for loss.
Potential doesn't even enter into the equation, it's a guarantee, plain and simple. If disaster doesn't come about with the myriad of ways life can fuck it over, then death most certainly will. I was more referring to the day to day headaches associated with dealing with people, but it stands for the more major categories for me as well. That's all I'll say in regards to that matter, as I don't want to hijack Lopin's thread.
@ixigia
That strip reminded me of the train scene from Eurotrip for some reason!
Spoiler:
I can never be free, because the shackles I wear can't be touched or be seen.
i9-9900k, MSI MPG-Z390 Gaming Pro Carbon, 32GB DDR4 @ 3000, eVGA GTX 1080 DT, Samsung 970 EVO Plus nVME 1TB
You sound perfectly normal to me, maybe you're just a finn at heart. Excellent choice bro, if I may say.
Perhaps it doesn't look like it, but I can relate to the Finnish way of life, I really open up (if you know what I mean ) only to a fairly limited range of people, not too dissimilar from Lopin's experience, with random folks distant from my personal sphere, simple real life acquaintances or even neighbours I'm more of a small-talk-evading grumpy cat.
The exuberant latin movida can be entertaining, there's no denying that, but it's really too stressful since there are high social expectations that can't be met when one has so many hobbies that work well only in complete isolation. It's all about balancing the sacred hermit life with the normal one based on interactions, but it can be hard, dammit! *waves the cane*
Perfect Meet someone you haven't seen in a while, such a conversation is often bound to happen, only to never meet again
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have a closed circle of friends.
) only to a fairly limited range of people, not too dissimilar from Lopin's experience, with random folks distant from my personal sphere, simple real life acquaintances or even neighbours I'm more of a small-talk-evading grumpy cat.
