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 Posted: Thu, 1st Oct 2015 23:42 Post subject: money and women |
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I have a girlfriend and she has almost no money. Her parents just give her money for rent which isn't even 50%.
I pay for everything, electricity, tv, food, trips,, restaurants, vacation, medicine, gas, car - everything we use together and I have no problem with that. Never had, because I know she's a student, she's been my girlfriend when I was shit poor and I asked her for money for bus tickets (I earn quite a lot now) so I'm just helping her that way as she has no one who could do that for her. She works part time, but in this fucking country you earn 6/7 ZŁ an hour which you could compare to slavery really.
I only get furious when she asks me for money - any money, any amount. Like today, she's going out with a friend and I gave her 10 zł which is barely two beers and she wanted more - I got angry and she just gave it back to me and left without a word.
I really think she's the one and everything but I'm just like that about money - I'm very generous, but I don't liked to be asked for it.
On one hand I think she stopped noticing that I spend so much money on things we share, because it's normal to her so that's bad, but on the other hand I feel like a cheap bastard for not giving her some change for a couple of beers.
There's no discussion about sharing right now, because she has no income, but what if we're 5-8 years together and she earns 2 000, I earn 15 000 ? Just an example.
Where does this end ? What if I ALWAYS earn 10x more than her, how does it work ? How do you do it guys ? Do you share your money with your girlfriends/wifes ?
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| Posted: Thu, 1st Oct 2015 23:44 Post subject: |
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Everybody must be independent in one way or another, dude. If you're giving her money like you're her pimp, than it's an unhealthy relationship.
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| Posted: Thu, 1st Oct 2015 23:48 Post subject: |
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But what about marriage ? Isn't it about sharing 50/50 in most countries ? Even legally ?
Besides, I don't think it's that simple. I have to share that life with someone and I want that to be her. I'm not going to go a restaurant or vacation alone, because she can't afford it - hence I have to pay for her.
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| Posted: Thu, 1st Oct 2015 23:57 Post subject: |
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marriage means that your money is her money as well, and vice versa (if there's any) imo
also you dont know what the future holds and stuff, if you want this woman then 10zl wont break you two.
 Spoiler: | also i'm the last person who should give advice  |
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 00:00 Post subject: |
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| bloodian wrote: | But what about marriage ? Isn't it about sharing 50/50 in most countries ? Even legally ?
Besides, I don't think it's that simple. I have to share that life with someone and I want that to be her. I'm not going to go a restaurant or vacation alone, because she can't afford it - hence I have to pay for her. |
If you pay for her living expenses then any luxury costs should be her own responsibility. You are not an ATM and any inequality on this point will only lead to frustration on both sides. Did you ask her for beer-money when she was the larger earner? If not then do not allow your relationship to devolve this way.
One of the most important things to a long and stable relationship is a certain level equality and independence.
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 00:00 Post subject: |
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| bloodian wrote: | But what about marriage ? Isn't it about sharing 50/50 in most countries ? Even legally ?
Besides, I don't think it's that simple. I have to share that life with someone and I want that to be her. I'm not going to go a restaurant or vacation alone, because she can't afford it - hence I have to pay for her. |
Are you crazy? Forget about marriage for the time being.
How much time will it take for her to build a life for herself do you think? Doesn't she have plans? You are not siamese twins.
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Morphineus
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Posts: 24883
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 00:30 Post subject: |
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If it's just about her asking it...
Than you can solve it by giving her an allowance. That way she doesn't have to ask, but still has some extra to do whatever she likes.
Ofcourse the best thing would be is if she would earn more or at least have a plan to earn more than what she does now (but I'm assuming she does seeing she's a student).
Last edited by Morphineus on Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 00:52; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 00:37 Post subject: |
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Last edited by Interinactive on Tue, 5th Oct 2021 00:31; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 01:43 Post subject: |
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| Interinactive wrote: | | Quote: | | I'm very generous, but I don't liked to be asked for it. |
Poor woman. How is she supposed to get any from you then? If you were 'very' generous, wouldn't you offer it to her as soon as you heard she was going out, when you know how little she earns?
I don't manage the money at all, my wife does it all. I don't care, so long as I can buy some shit I don't need when I feel like it. It's out of pure laziness. I can't be bothered sorting bills or anything so she can do what she likes. It's been working for around 10 years so far  |
It's a good system you get left alone |
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 01:50 Post subject: |
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what is the meaning of money to you?
are you short on money? can you afford to give pennies for beer?
if not, you're right to question it
but if you're reliably paying bills and always have extra and you're not specifically saving for something?
then you're not earning to survive any more and you should have a think what money means to you
and how does she feel about asking for money?
if she isn't even a slight bit ashamed or awkward to ask for money, that's way to dependent and presumptuous
i wouldn't want anything to do with a person like that leeching off me
don't get taken advantage of
but if she sees it as a temporary situation she hopes to fix soon and be self sustaining, and you can afford it, then why not?
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zibztrollingme
Posts: 1526
Location: RAR - Racist Against Russia. Apparently.
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sanchin
Posts: 764
Location: Poland
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 08:36 Post subject: |
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bloodian --> There's always "marriage contract" or intercyza in Polish. Or regime of separate property which, to my knowledge, makes an attempt to solve the problem of varying incomes and wealth taken into marriage.
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 09:41 Post subject: |
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Uhm we have just one bank account and all money goes in there and out of there and nobody asks anybody when they need money out of it. When one of us sees that there isn't much left we just notify each other to be more careful.
And then I wonder why I'm cheap ass broke
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Nalo
nothing
Posts: 13522
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 09:57 Post subject: |
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Last edited by Nalo on Wed, 3rd Jul 2024 06:07; edited 2 times in total
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TSR69
Banned
Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 10:13 Post subject: |
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I have plenty in the bank but no woman.
I wonder what sucks more.
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Danyutz
Posts: 4418
Location: Redplanet
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 13:23 Post subject: |
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In our family money goes together, but, my income variate from month to month so that gives me the option to save some, which eventually gets spent on various things she likes and can't afford.
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mtj
Posts: 2315
Location: Austria / Finland
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 15:45 Post subject: |
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We keep our money separate, but neither of us have really bad vices -> Money keeps piling
We split the static fees, and I handle all day to day stuff, such as food etc. While if we go on holiday my gf usually buys the tickets.
Though for us it's also about convenience We have 2 credit cards, and mine has a low 500€ limit while her is limitless -> can't do much with 500€ card holiday wise (got a nice deal back when I was studying, CC without any fees, but if I would now change the limit and such , I would also have to agree on some fees as they don't offer this CC deal anymore)
Intel Core I-9 9900K @ stock, ASUS Z 390A MoBo, 32GB 3.6GHz, Zotac 3090 | BeQuiet 1000W PSU, Be Quiet Dark Base Pro 900 case, 49" Samsung G9
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 15:57 Post subject: |
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It's a problem with many facets, isn't it ... .
Look at it this way: does she work as hard as you do at her job? You said yourself it's like slavery and she deserves to get paid more. You can bet she feels the same way. You can look at it in two different ways:
- you make her feel valued for her hard work and you give her an allowance or involve her more in anything you spend for the both of us. Generosity does NOT count if you make the decisions and you pick what to buy. That just makes her feel like she's not in control. She's not 8 years old and works so should have involvement even if she doesn't get paid as much.
- the other path is a very tricky and unstable one: perhaps she feels that she doesn't need to look for a better job because she figures you can support the both of you. I don't know her, so this may not be so. If it IS so, perhaps making it hard for her to get money from you will be an incentive for her to get a better paying job but you can bet this will come at a cost.
OR you can have a good long money talk with her and come up with a combination of the two. See if a better job is possible, give her more of an involvement in finances but refrain from giving her too much money on the side so she gets urged into finding a new job.
In the end, I wouldn't want to be in her shoes either. Feeling like you don't have much control over your life despite working 3-4 hours a day really is emotionally draining. You denying her may just have caused these frustrations to rise up because you rubbed her face in her current situation.
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 16:08 Post subject: |
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well, my wife still looking for a job, so yes, i also give all my money to her, and it is called partnership. well she dont use my mone to get out with friends, im her best friend, and she is my best friend, she understand that we have to keep it low spending.
| Sin317 wrote: | | while you can't "turn gay", you can cut off your balls. believe me, you'll never think of women again. |
| zmed wrote: | | Or just a defense mechanism. If you fart, you'll most definitely smell it so your brain tells you it ain't bad as strangerfarts. |
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Il_Padrino
Posts: 7570
Location: Greece by the North Sea
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 16:24 Post subject: |
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The way we do it, is transferring a fair share of our incomes to a bank account we can both access. In our current situation, that means I give about 2/3rd of my income, she 1/3rd.
The account is used for all living costs (food, electricity, internet, loan of appartment, ...).
The part of our wages we keep for ourselves is 'play money', and we use it however we want (saving for later, or buying shit). With our arrangement, this is roughly the same amount for us both.
We've never had any (major) discussions about money.
One thing I would never, ever, ever do is having my wage deposited directly on a shared account. It's a matter of principle
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konkol84
Posts: 3679
Location: Po(o)land
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 19:04 Post subject: |
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Kaltern
Posts: 5859
Location: Lockerbie, Scotland
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Oct 2015 19:46 Post subject: |
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Odd, I always thought a relationship was 50/50 in everything, regardless who earns it - if you want to keep it to yourself, don't get into a relationship.
If you get angry because someone you supposedly love asked you for some money, then you should probably be alone - you are out of date in these modern times.
Does she cook? Clean? Iron? Does she support you in emotional things?
Money is a means to an end, not a way of keeping score.
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HubU
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| Posted: Sat, 3rd Oct 2015 14:43 Post subject: |
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The Corinthians 3:15
"Bitches ain't shit, but hoes and tricks"
"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
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Nalo
nothing
Posts: 13522
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| Posted: Sat, 3rd Oct 2015 15:32 Post subject: |
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Last edited by Nalo on Wed, 3rd Jul 2024 06:07; edited 2 times in total
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TSR69
Banned
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Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
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| Posted: Sat, 3rd Oct 2015 17:39 Post subject: |
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Fear and hope on her face
Ugh i just want a new fuck body
Can't let her know, I need to hide my ways
Kay let's give her some zloty.
You have pretty face
Oh and I love your body
U lie down, while I fuck you hottie.
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That's what I want to avoid. I'll work my ass off just to go to a store to buy PS7 and it turns out that I have no money because the missus has bought a carpet.
