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| Should I take my TV? |
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headshot
VIP Member
Posts: 35936
Location: UK
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 Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 08:07 Post subject: Splitting From the Ex - TV Dilemma |
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So me and the gf have mutually agreed to separate after 9 years, 7 of which we lived together. She is lazy and untidy and among many other reasons from my perspective but we have decided things are not working out between us. She is also seeing someone else, possibly before we decided to split, Im not sure but this week I am moving out.
We have a young daughter between us and have come to an agreement where I will pay money every month for child maintenance and I will see my daughter every week at some point when Im off work.
Im fine with all that. It's a fresh start for me and to be honest, I think long term it will be good for us both.
The one thing bugging me before I leave is the TV.
My Dad gave me some money about 10 months ago and I decided to spend it on a new TV, primarily for my gaming needs. I also use it a lot to play TV shows and movies via external USB drives. I chose to do this without telling her because if I suggested a new TV she would have probably said no and opted to spend the money on something else. When she got back from work one day 10 months ago to find a new TV had been delivered, she was just as impressed as I was with it. Compared to our old one it was like a cinema screen with its huge screen and nice thin bezel.
Im pretty sure I recall telling her that my Dad bought the TV for us which is not true as I bought it with the money my Dad gave me.
So as the TV is actually mine and I am leaving, I want to take it. At first I thought it would be wrong of me to leave her without a TV so I accepted the fact that I would leave it behind as there was no way I would do that. Pretty much straight away I decided I would have to spend a similar amount of money again on a new TV.
I did mention it to her that I thought about taking the TV with me and she was not happy with the idea for two reasons, one my Dad bought the TV for us both and the other, our daughter wouldnt be happy as she watches Netflix as it's a smart TV and Netflix is built in.
Here is the TV.
http://www.currys.co.uk/gbuk/tv-and-home-entertainment/televisions/televisions/samsung-ue48h6400-smart-3d-48-led-tv-22074703-pdt.html
However recently she has told me her nan is not well and is now in hospital permanently due to her age. My ex gf said I can have her nan's old 40" Samsung HD TV, which Im prertty sure is this one, or something very similar.
http://data4tv.com/en/Samsung/LE40A430T1/
So its 8 inches smaller than mine, isn't a smart TV and doesn't have USB ports so I won't be able to watch my TV and movies which is a major thing to me.
So my plan is to take my smart TV without telling her whilst she's at work when I move out this week and to set her nans TV up for her in its place. I have also purchased a Amazon Firestick which will connect to a HDMI port and basically transforms older TVs into smart TVs including Netflix for my daughter to watch.
What is the best way of dealing with this situation? I need some good advice.
Do I...
A.
Take the TV without telling her.
Setup her nans TV with the Firestick for Netflix.
Risk letting her rage when she returns from work.
Wait for her to contact me when she realises what has happened.
Deal with the consequences of my actions whatever they may be?
Do I...
B.
Tell her the truth that my Dad did not buy us the TV.
Tell her I'm taking the TV.
Tell her I've bought a Firestick so our daughter can watch Netflix.
Deal with the consequences of my actions whatever they may be?
Do I...
C.
Tell her the truth that my Dad did not buy us the TV.
Ask her if I can take the TV.
Offer to setup the Firestick for Netflix.
Hope there is no argument.
Do I...
D.
Be grateful she is giving me her nans TV and take that, despite the lack of external USB connectivity?
Use the Firestick myself so I can watch Netflix.
Do I...
E.
None of the above.
Opt for an alternative mentioned by one of you.
Sorry for the long post but I wanted to relay all of the information. All advice or suggestions would be gratefully appreciated.
May the NFOrce be with you always.
Last edited by headshot on Mon, 28th Sep 2015 18:15; edited 2 times in total
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 08:12 Post subject: |
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Last edited by Interinactive on Tue, 5th Oct 2021 00:31; edited 1 time in total
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TSR69
Banned
Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 08:37 Post subject: |
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Sorry to hear that headshot, but if it is for the better.
Tell her the truth that your dad gave the money and you decided to buy that tv.
And that you want to keep it and that your daughter can still watch Netflix with the old one and the firestick.
Unless that doesn't work out of course, anyway lies will haunt you.
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 08:46 Post subject: |
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Take the tv but tell her and set something else up in the meantime. There are plenty of options to get netflix to work on another tv and you said you used it for gaming and i guess you gonna spent some more time doing that now.
You already have to find a new place to live etc etc. I guess the most changes are for you so you can have at least something where you feel good about.
Also you mentioned she might be seeing someone else? Fuck that shit, no hair on my head would leave the tv standing there just for her and the new guy to enjoy that shit the moment you are gone.
Your daughter wouldn't care as long as she can watch netflix, besides, if she comes over to you she at least has something familiar and can enjoy it at those times.
GL to you for the coming weeks. Breakups are tough 
Empty again
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 10:36 Post subject: |
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"I have also purchased a Amazon Firestick which will connect to a HDMI port and basically transforms older TVs into smart TVs including Netflix for my daughter to watch. "
why don't you do that for yourself though? I think you are just attached to that beautiful 48" tv a bit much maybe 
You need to show that the money was given to you to purchase things with from your father first really. Would it not be simple to just ask your father what the situation was when he gave you that money just for a recap he would just fill you in right?
But I pretty much bet that if it was other way around she wouldn't hesitate to take the tv lol. This is mainly now about your daughter and not the ex, forget the ex sounds like she is below average for the living with type of person, if the removal of that big tv will affect your child then think about it carefullly but she will get over it, kids do!
edit:
I see the D option now, still though why would you feel bad for moving out and taking an item? are you taking anything else out the household? fridge freezer, cooker etc? I would say you are entitled to that tv then at least on the basis you been paying into live there as well over the time together.
She will bitch at you later either way anyhow at some point, just get it over with now and take the tv.
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garus
VIP Member
Posts: 34200
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 13:11 Post subject: |
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snip
Last edited by garus on Tue, 27th Aug 2024 21:38; edited 1 time in total
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headshot
VIP Member
Posts: 35936
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 18:12 Post subject: |
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Thanks for the replies you guys. She definitely uses our daughter against me. Im pretty sure thats normal for women to weaponize the kids in this way to get their own way. She said to me today that she will give me her nan's key so I can go and look at the TV to see if I think its ok. I already feel guilty just thinking about it. Must be because Im too nice. I need to stop this and look out for myself and have guilt free thoughts. I will take her nans key, go and look at the TV, confirm the actual model and research it. Might even take my external USB drive to confirm which media it will play, if any. Im pretty sure it has at least one USB port but Im not certain and without seeing it, Im assuming it has none which fuels my intentions to take my own TV. I spent a short while putting together a communication that I will send to her after I have taken the TV but before she gets back from work and realises what Ive done.
Here is said communication thus far.
| Quote: | Rather than not say anything, I thought I'd let you know before you get home that I have taken the TV.
My TV.
Not your nans TV.
The TV my Dad didn't buy us.
The TV I bought using the money he gave me, not us.
The TV I bought which was solely my decision.
The TV I bought primarily for gaming of which I have somewhat an addiction as you know.
The TV I don't have to justify my actions for but will.
The TV I have the email for to prove I paid for it.
And my Dad will back me up if you need further clarification and even said himself that you should have your nans TV. I've debated this for a for a while and up until yesterday, I was going to be grateful that you were letting me have your nans TV and take that but made my decision has been swayed and which has now became a no-brainer based on the fact that your nans TV does not support my external USB hard drives for my downloaded TV shows and movies, of which I have a ridiculous amount as you probably know. So the other option for me is to buy a new smart TV but why should I when I already have one? Plus there's no way I'm spending or can afford to spend hundreds of pounds on a new TV. So I've setup your nans TV in your living room and even spent £35 on an Amazon Firestick which is setup to convert your nans TV into a smart TV, primarily for our daughter to make use of Netflix. I didnt have to do that either so you should also be grateful. I know you're probably not happy any if this but I'm not sure what you can do about it that would even bother me. Plus you don't know my new address. And I would imagine that if you were me you would have done the same thing. I did after all pay a combined hundreds of pounds towards the recent sofa and not so recent fridge freezer neither of which I could take or cut in half so think about that. So you now have a slightly smaller HD TV which is also now a smart TV thanks to me. If you want to complain, bring on the fallout, I'm ready for the consequences but don't expect me to come back with my TV. I may be overreacting and you may not care as much as I think you will about any of this which will be great as I may feel a tiny bit less guilty than the the tiny bit of guilt I already have. All of this probably sounds quite malicious but I can assure you it isn't. And I know this isn't a good way to start an ex-relationship but it is what it is as I know you wouldnt have agreed to it anyway and was not prepared to risk not getting what I want. I anxiously await your response and look forward to replying to it. |
Is this too much?
Also Ive added a 3 day poll 
May the NFOrce be with you always.
Last edited by headshot on Mon, 28th Sep 2015 18:16; edited 2 times in total
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Epsilon
Dr. Strangelove
Posts: 9240
Location: War Room
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 18:31 Post subject: |
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Yep take the tv. No need to explain anything. It's yours. Not hers.
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 18:43 Post subject: |
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| headshot wrote: | Is this too much?
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Yes it is. Your own guilt is seeping through - no other reason you'd write half a book about it. Keep it short and tidy and leave no room for her to whine because the longer you make it, the more you make it known to her that she can wriggle her way in there.
Just say "I want that TV, you won't use it to its full potential, I will, for what you need it for, your nan's TV is just fine and I bought it with money I was given so it was never of the both of us." Nothing more needed.
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 18:51 Post subject: |
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| bloodian wrote: | that's exactly why I told my girlfriend I want to sign a prenup when we get married. She was mad mad at me, because I assumed the worst of her, but it doesn't work like that. People when getting divorced probably believe their justifications "I'm entitled to it because... our daughter watches it.. I cleaned it... bla bla" so it might be hard to convince her that she doesn't deserve it, as it's not hers  I'll never understand it - I would never take anything from anyone, I would be ashamed to be fighting for something I didn't buy. |
A while ago, there was an interesting study that showed that in general in divorces, women got about 60% of everything (on average) because men were quicker to let things go - both out of the need to make a clean break but also because they were tired of fighting while women were more eager to fight over such things. I can't speak for all women but in my family, each time there was a divorce, the wife took everything and only the big items (car and house usually) were evenly divided. Only exception was an aunt who left my uncle and she wanted nothing of his.
Most painful thing was when the wife of my uncle left him and pretty much cleaned his house. I remember being 4 years old and my mother visiting him the day after and we had to sit on folding chairs. No furniture, no plates to eat from, nothing. The poor guy had a failing flower business and was already in debt and my grand parents basically had to buy everything back from him. I later heard that she took everything because he got to keep the car (a little van) which officially was part of his company anyway so she wouldn't have been able to lay claim to it anyway. On the plus side, word got round and she was hated by the entire town for pulling that crap so she had to move quite far away 
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 19:57 Post subject: |
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| red_avatar wrote: | | bloodian wrote: | | that's exactly why I told my girlfriend I want to sign a prenup when we get married. She was mad mad at me, because I assumed the worst of her, but it doesn't work like that. People when getting divorced probably believe their justifications "I'm entitled to it because... our daughter watches it.. I cleaned it... bla bla" so it might be hard to convince her that she doesn't deserve it, as it's not hers I'll never understand it - I would never take anything from anyone, I would be ashamed to be fighting for something I didn't buy. |
A while ago, there was an interesting study that showed that in general in divorces, women got about 60% of everything (on average) because men were quicker to let things go - both out of the need to make a clean break but also because they were tired of fighting while women were more eager to fight over such things. I can't speak for all women but in my family, each time there was a divorce, the wife took everything and only the big items (car and house usually) were evenly divided. Only exception was an aunt who left my uncle and she wanted nothing of his.
Most painful thing was when the wife of my uncle left him and pretty much cleaned his house. I remember being 4 years old and my mother visiting him the day after and we had to sit on folding chairs. No furniture, no plates to eat from, nothing. The poor guy had a failing flower business and was already in debt and my grand parents basically had to buy everything back from him. I later heard that she took everything because he got to keep the car (a little van) which officially was part of his company anyway so she wouldn't have been able to lay claim to it anyway. On the plus side, word got round and she was hated by the entire town for pulling that crap so she had to move quite far away |
On the other hand, what's the alternative ? You split the cost of children ? One of you buys the house and the other one saves in case if he stays without a home ? I just don't see it working.
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headshot
VIP Member
Posts: 35936
Location: UK
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Kaltern
Posts: 5859
Location: Lockerbie, Scotland
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 21:14 Post subject: |
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I have the exact same TV, and there is no way my partner would be keeping it if she started shagging someone else.
So take it, let her new sucker buy here a 55"
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| Posted: Mon, 28th Sep 2015 21:50 Post subject: |
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| bloodian wrote: |
On the other hand, what's the alternative ? You split the cost of children ? One of you buys the house and the other one saves in case if he stays without a home ? I just don't see it working. |
I think the alternative is being fair and evenly dividing things. I'm like you - I would be more than fair in dividing the stuff but you know the saying "give someone an inch ...". I think it's partially because society believes a woman has to be taken care of and men have to look after themselves - and when you split up, it may mean that the man has to get back on his feet by himself with less help.
In reality, you look at the US and see that a big chunk of homeless people became homeless shortly after their divorce (often linked to depression and losing their job as well) ... funny how you don't see many homeless women eh?
I think as long as people are crying for equality while ignoring this kind of crap, feminism is never going to be taken seriously. It's like with the refugee nonsense - you can't take those in favour seriously when they're ignoring all the negative effects that will come with them.
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headshot
VIP Member
Posts: 35936
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue, 29th Sep 2015 04:21 Post subject: |
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No judgement on what you decide to do.
She probably does want the tv for the kid. Do you think your daughter needs the TV? The net flicks is built in...... Shit gets messy when you have kids.
When I left I left the TV. It was a few years old but it was a flat screen 50inch. He was so happy, he thought I was giving him a good deal, which I was..... It made the division is assets easier for me. I left a lot of good stuff, but my place I was moving g into was small so I though why bother?
Anyway I did have alter motives. I wanted a bigger, 3D smart tv. And that is exactly what I bought. He came over after I got it and was kinda,.... Blown away I spent the money. I was alway way more into technology then he was. I have the perfect set up that works for me.
Wishing you all the luck. I haven't clicked on the poll yet. My vote is unaccounted for...
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| Posted: Tue, 29th Sep 2015 04:28 Post subject: |
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I'd take the TV, "dad bought it for me, I'll help you install nans pos TV".. If she's gonna make things more difficult.. I'd just go buy a better TV and pay it off interest free over 2 years, paying $700 whatever to not have to need / talk to her for something is a reward unto itself.
Lol also 'nans dying in hospital > I can score the better tv' wtf
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headshot
VIP Member
Posts: 35936
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue, 29th Sep 2015 07:20 Post subject: |
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| pistolshrimp wrote: | No judgement on what you decide to do.
She probably does want the tv for the kid. Do you think your daughter needs the TV? The net flicks is built in...... Shit gets messy when you have kids.
When I left I left the TV. It was a few years old but it was a flat screen 50inch. He was so happy, he thought I was giving him a good deal, which I was..... It made the division is assets easier for me. I left a lot of good stuff, but my place I was moving g into was small so I though why bother?
Anyway I did have alter motives. I wanted a bigger, 3D smart tv. And that is exactly what I bought. He came over after I got it and was kinda,.... Blown away I spent the money. I was alway way more into technology then he was. I have the perfect set up that works for me.
Wishing you all the luck. I haven't clicked on the poll yet. My vote is unaccounted for... |
Even if the TV is intended for my daughter, Ive bought them an Amazon Firestick which includes Netflix for older TVs. So she can still watch Netflix. Literally the only difference for her is its slightly smaller, oh and with a much thicker bezel/frame its kinda uglier too. I did think about getting another new TV, 4K or something but they're not cheap and my TV is less than a year old. Its also 3D as well a smart TV but I'm not bothered about 3D.
| AmpegV4 wrote: | I'd take the TV, "dad bought it for me, I'll help you install nans pos TV".. If she's gonna make things more difficult.. I'd just go buy a better TV and pay it off interest free over 2 years, paying $700 whatever to not have to need / talk to her for something is a reward unto itself.
Lol also 'nans dying in hospital > I can score the better tv' wtf |
I dunno how she will make things more difficult or can make things more difficult. She will always be in contact with me so even if I bought a new TV she would still be communicating. I wish I could pay her to not talk to me but as the mother of my child that's highly unlikely. She'll just be a bit pissed for a short time lol. Its her nan whose in hospital not mine. And its her mum's decision to let me have her nan's TV. She aint never coming back out anyway. She is old, like mid 80s old and needs full time care.
May the NFOrce be with you always.
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TSR69
Banned
Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
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| Posted: Tue, 29th Sep 2015 11:44 Post subject: |
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| headshot wrote: | | Also I would like to know who the people were who said 'no' in the poll and what their reasons were lol. |
I said no.
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| Posted: Tue, 29th Sep 2015 12:51 Post subject: |
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Last edited by Interinactive on Tue, 5th Oct 2021 00:31; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Tue, 29th Sep 2015 19:17 Post subject: |
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It's a fucking TV, not a person! Get real and man up...FFS. Take the fucking TV, it's not as if the kid will suffer. You youngsters are far too wound up in poxy goods.
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Invasor
Moderator
Posts: 7638
Location: On the road
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| Posted: Tue, 29th Sep 2015 20:07 Post subject: |
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I understand you want the TV, and you can probably take it, but for fuck sakes be smooth and nice about it. It's not worth fighthing over a TV, especially when you two have a kid together and will be in each others lifes for a long time.
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