One day we'll understand the reason why this movie was made, but not today. I have the feeling that this Hitmen will make Genisys look like a masterpiece of modern cinema xD
Hell they could have given it to Uwe Boll, and I bet the result would have been better (at least he would have spared us Rihanna or whoever killed my ears in the trailer)
I watched it today. With my young relative.
This moive seems to know what the idea is but sadly it does not know what it wants to be itself.
Also the scene-mixing is just so bad. Pace is mismatched half the movie and the action scenes. They try to be badass but in reality we've all seen them before.
5/10 for subtle homages to the game and it's mechanics.
TWIN PEAKS is "something of a miracle."
"...like nothing else on television."
"a phenomenon."
"A tangled tale of sex, violence, power, junk food..."
"Like Nothing On Earth"
Do yourself a favor and don't. I'm not even going to spoiler the upcoming rant, the movie is fucking bad.
My fiancee doesn't know the games' story and she didn't enjoy it either. It fails as a game adaptation, and it fails as an action flick.
Anyway, I actually decided to make some notes during the movie to keep track of all the plotholes/weird stuff.
1. Remember when in Absolution Diana was black? That was weird, right? She's fucking ASIAN this time
2. Agent 47, an elite assassin, casually walks into the metro and instead of closing some distance between him and the target, he starts a shootout in the middle of the subway. He doesn't kill his target either.
3. This supposed extremely powerful female sidekick named Katia apparently not only possesses the power of precognition, but they only started to appear after she sees a bald man on the subway. Then she starts having some sort of visions
4. Katia needs to get out of Berlin at some point. She goes to a fake passport guy. He gives her a shitty passport that she somehow recognizes is shitty, because it's "demagnetized" (HOW THE FUCK CAN SHE TELL THAT IS THE CASE). She wants a better passport, he says he won't give it to her. She then says that she will spread word on the streets that he makes shitty passports SO THEN HE FUCKING GIVES HER A GOOD PASSPORT. WHY?! Why wouldn't he pull a gun on her and say "Oi bitch, GTFO out of my store or I'mma shoot you". WHY WOULD A CRIMINAL BE INTIMIDATED BY SOME RANDOM WOMAN WHO TRIES TO THREATEN HIM.
5. 47 lets himself be arrested in an US embassy at some point for walking in with all of his guns, including his sniper rifle. What does the US embassy security do in the interrogation room? The guy interviewing 47 BRINGS THE SNIPER RIFLE TO THE FUCKING ROOM AND STARTS WAVING IT AROUND. After a while he gets irritated so he LOADS A BULLET IN THE SNIPER RIFLE. Surely this can't end badly.
6. Oh, by the way, remember the shootout in the metro? The guy interviewing 47 says that they scanned his photo and fingerprints and COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING. Are you fucking serious? No cameras or fucking civilians recorded the fucking massacre at the metro? No news station mentioned this? IT LITERALLY HAPPENED 10 MINUTES AGO
7. Anyway, 47 is in the embassy because he's after Katia, who also got arrested. During her arrest she starts HAVING VISIONS OF 47 BREAKING IN. A scene later, when she gets out of the embassy and is in a hotel room with Zachary Quinto and 47 is about to get in? Sorry, no visions there, I guess she only has precognitive powers when it suits the "plot".
7. EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER KNOWS ABOUT THE AGENTS. In Blood Money 47 is considered a legend, some people don't even believe he exists. In the movie? "Agents" are basically some sort of an elite squad and their program was leaked to newspapers and shit. The whole plot revolves around Bad Guy wanting to make more "Agents"
8. 47 tries to train Katia, since apparently they're "siblings" from the Agent program She then proceeds to kick some ass. How did she remember how to do anything? No one knows.
9. After the hotel room scene 47 and Katia need to get out of some factory or whatever the fuck, Katia has the idea to avoid conflict and get out stealthily. What does 47 say? "NO, YOU NEED TO FACE CONFLICT HEAD ON". Then they proceed to leave about 20 or so bodies on their way out.
10. Katia's and 47's "father" has stage III lung cancer. It doesn't stop him from sprinting out of the way of armed mercenaries while getting shot at.
11. The ending. The fucking ending. 47's target all along was Katia and her father, the man behind the Agent program. The father sacrifices himself and blows himself in a helicopter along with the Bad Guy. 47 then contacts Diana to say that the contract is complete. He confirms the father is dead. When Diana asks about Katia, 47 THROWS THE FUCKING CELLPHONE FROM THE SKYSCRAPER AND JUST LEAVES.
YES, the only person that 47 trusted throughout all these years just gets shat on, and 47 seems to leave the agency? Diana then sends Agent 48 after Katia and 47, but they seem to just shoot him in the elevator and the movie ends.
Holy fuck.
As a game adaptation it's a 1/10. Not 0/10 since at least 47 got his silverballers and the code on his neck.
As an action flick it's maybe 4/10, the plot makes no fucking sense, the action scenes are boring as fuck and badly cut. Do not watch.
But then i would watch movies that obviously are B, C or other letter movies and don't take themselves seriously.
And not something like this here, that is indeed bad but still tries to hide it.
Enthoo Evolv ATX TG // Asus Prime x370 // Ryzen 1700 // Gainward GTX 1080 // 16GB DDR4-3200
Watched it today, much better than the previous one. 6/10
Nigga plz, if I were to compare the first and second movie to give you a good overlook, the 2015 one would be 1/10 and the 2007 100000/10 with multiple Oscar nominations.
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