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 Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 19:02 Post subject: Octopuses |
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Biology teacher:
- Kids, today I am gonna tell you about octopuses. Octopuses dwell on ocean floor. Move with the help of tentacles. At first very slowly. Crawl over sand, and crawl. Towards the nearest shore. At first slowly, and later a little bit faster. Then they gain speed and run towards the shore at full speed, and across the shore, further, further and further, still gaining speed thru the plains, deserts to the mountains they rush, still gaining speed, and on enormous speed they climb the mountain and from the peak they jump into stratosphere and into the cosmos…
- Maria Ivanovna, I think, you are lying to us ! - says the pupil at first row.
- Girl, what is your surname ?
- Ivanova
- Alright, there is my grades journal ? We will write straight and simple: "IVANOVA IS COMPLETELY FUCKING NUTS" !
Last edited by WhiteBarbarian on Wed, 29th Jun 2011 19:55; edited 1 time in total
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garus
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 19:18 Post subject: |
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snip
Last edited by garus on Tue, 27th Aug 2024 21:55; edited 1 time in total
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Ankh
Posts: 23342
Location: Trelleborg
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 19:19 Post subject: |
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Èhh...what?
shitloads of new stuff in my pc. Cant keep track of it all.
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 19:25 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 19:32 Post subject: |
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In russia joke laughs about you 
=> NFOrce GIF plugin <= - Ryzen 3800X, 16GB DDR4-3200, Sapphire 5700XT Pulse
Last edited by PumpAction on Wed, 29th Jun 2011 19:51; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 19:39 Post subject: |
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| PumpAction wrote: | | In russia joke laughs about you |
Funniest thing of this thread
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 19:50 Post subject: |
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Well, it could be considered a russian stoners black humor, unless it was translated into russian from some other language first. I received it from a friend sometime ago, and stumbled upon it again today and it completely floored me once again, very hilarious, a stoned teacher tells a young girl that she is insane, and instead of writing a bad grade she writes that she thinks. Imagine poor little kid, she would be traumatized for life, stop studying and end up working as a prostitute. Black humor is black humor. 
I tried to translate it as close as possible, keeping the same short sentences and constant abuse of word speed.
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 20:00 Post subject: |
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Hmmmm just put it in Russian maybe i understand then
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 20:14 Post subject: |
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Maybe it's funny only if your ass is frozen cold ?
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TSR69
Banned
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Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 20:19 Post subject: |
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| Lathieza wrote: | | Hmmmm just put it in Russian maybe i understand then |
Here we go
Учительница биологии:
— Дети, сегодня я расскажу Вам об осьминогах. Осьминоги живут на дне океана. Передвигаются при помощи щупалец. Сначала очень медленно. Ползут по песку, ползут. По направлению к берегу. Сначала медленно, потом чуть быстрее. Затем ускоряются, и уже на полной скорости бегут к берегу, выбегают на берег, дальше, дальше, ускоряются, через равнины, пустыни, стремительно несутся к горам, набирают скорость, на громадной скорости вбегают на гору, с вершины — в небо, в стратосферу, затем в космос…
— Мария Ивановна, мне кажется, вы нам неправду рассказываете! — голос с первой парты.
— Девочка, как твоя фамилия?
— Иванова.
— Где у нас журнал? Так и запишем: “Иванова – ебнутая”! |
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HubU
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 20:24 Post subject: |
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| WhiteBarbarian wrote: | | Lathieza wrote: | | Hmmmm just put it in Russian maybe i understand then |
Here we go
Учительница биологии:
— Дети, сегодня я расскажу Вам об осьминогах. Осьминоги живут на дне океана. Передвигаются при помощи щупалец. Сначала очень медленно. Ползут по песку, ползут. По направлению к берегу. Сначала медленно, потом чуть быстрее. Затем ускоряются, и уже на полной скорости бегут к берегу, выбегают на берег, дальше, дальше, ускоряются, через равнины, пустыни, стремительно несутся к горам, набирают скорость, на громадной скорости вбегают на гору, с вершины — в небо, в стратосферу, затем в космос…
— Мария Ивановна, мне кажется, вы нам неправду рассказываете! — голос с первой парты.
— Девочка, как твоя фамилия?
— Иванова.
— Где у нас журнал? Так и запишем: “Иванова – ебнутая”! |
Hmmm nope, still dont get it
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 20:25 Post subject: |
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| WhiteBarbarian wrote: | | Lathieza wrote: | | Hmmmm just put it in Russian maybe i understand then |
Here we go
Учительница биологии:
— Дети, сегодня я расскажу Вам об осьминогах. Осьминоги живут на дне океана. Передвигаются при помощи щупалец. Сначала очень медленно. Ползут по песку, ползут. По направлению к берегу. Сначала медленно, потом чуть быстрее. Затем ускоряются, и уже на полной скорости бегут к берегу, выбегают на берег, дальше, дальше, ускоряются, через равнины, пустыни, стремительно несутся к горам, набирают скорость, на громадной скорости вбегают на гору, с вершины — в небо, в стратосферу, затем в космос…
— Мария Ивановна, мне кажется, вы нам неправду рассказываете! — голос с первой парты.
— Девочка, как твоя фамилия?
— Иванова.
— Где у нас журнал? Так и запишем: “Иванова – ебнутая”! |
Now I get it 
Edit: No wait.... I don't |
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ixigia
[Moderator] Consigliere
Posts: 65084
Location: Italy
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 20:27 Post subject: |
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| iconized wrote: | | I am glad I was not the only one to not get it, but typical example of lost in translation I guess. |
+1 
The Google-translated version doesn't help either |
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 20:37 Post subject: |
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You have to solve the riddle to get the joke 
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ixigia
[Moderator] Consigliere
Posts: 65084
Location: Italy
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 20:43 Post subject: |
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| Lathieza wrote: | | You have to solve the riddle to get the joke |
If we don't solve it before the end of the day..we will all die 
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 21:37 Post subject: |
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Hehehe
Okeeeey… I will try what only a true madman, think of Malkavian talking to a lamp post, would try to do… to try to describe on why I find it hilarious.
At the moment I am not stoned, drunk or even tipsy, though I already went and put English stout into freezer, cause I would definitely want to drink something after finishing this post.
Welcome, to the mad house...
The joke could be dissected into parts
- Teacher describes, octopuses as seen in his stoned dreams, or maybe she not stoned at all and just insane.
This is adding fun into fun pile cause, teachers should be calm and sane, they a not psychiatrists after all
Then I close my eyes and try to imaging octopuses actually trying to do that teacher describes it makes me giggle
- Young girl pupil, tries to tell teacher that she is lying.
Only the excellent student would have the guts to do it, cause she thinks she is already better than everyone in a class and knows everything.
I am image her like this
- Teacher tells in front of all class, that excellent student is not just wrong, but actually completely fucking nuts.
This such a blow for poor girl self-esteem and me imagining her like this
makes me think "Ahaha, take it bitch, this will teach ya not to be a smart ass" and makes me giggle
Well, I am done. And would go and enjoy that stout, would drink for good health for all Humpers and for my pupil girl keywords to not trigger the pedophile alert at google servers
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 21:40 Post subject: |
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TSR69
Banned
Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 21:46 Post subject: |
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So WhiteBarbarian, in Russia to stand out from the crowd is not something positive? Like it is okay to make fun of intellectuals and this is seen as funny?
Formerly known as iconized
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 22:45 Post subject: |
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| iconized wrote: | | So WhiteBarbarian, in Russia to stand out from the crowd is not something positive? Like it is okay to make fun of intellectuals and this is seen as funny? |
Nope, it's ok to stand out, if done in neutral way, with respect to others and not raiding a high horse and being a snob. But in school smart ass kids who show no respect for others are put down and shown their place by teachers otherwise they would grow ignorant. That way teachers are trying to fix that parents failed.
But this is totaly unrelated to the joke I posted. |
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 22:49 Post subject: |
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Please let it die and enjoy your stout
Thx for the effort though, we were pretty much entertained by this thread
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 22:57 Post subject: |
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Oh, thank you Mod Duck, I am actually enjoying it at this same moment 
Missed one bit... 
@iconized: About making fun of intellectuals... Here it's ok to make fun of about everything, you just need to not over do it.
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TSR69
Banned
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Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
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| Posted: Wed, 29th Jun 2011 23:56 Post subject: |
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WhiteBarbarian I have had so many clashes with teachers, starting at age 6 already, I think arrogant and stupid teachers need a romance with a fast moving baseball bat. Sorry for my negativity.
Formerly known as iconized
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| Posted: Thu, 30th Jun 2011 00:05 Post subject: |
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Yes, very entertaining....
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