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 Posted: Wed, 9th Jul 2014 18:31 Post subject: Broke up with my girlfriend - we've dated for 5 years |
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Time to start bitchin', I guess 
We've been together for 5 years, and we still love eachother, the sex is still good, loyalty was there all the time (no cheating happened), we were best friends - yet after five years we have just separated.
Why? Because life is a cruel bitch, that's why.
The relationship had no future, we just had very different visions for our future: where we want to live, how we should work, when to marry, when to have kids ... etc. I have brought over my company to Hungary couple years back, you might remember, and it's going excellent (considering I had like 5 bucks to my name like 5 years ago), but my girlfriend just couldn't integrate to life here. She's more a smaller city type of person.
Long story short, she decided to go back to her hometown, where her parents have need of her, whilst I stayed. It was as such a necessity to break up. I want to marry and have kids soon, and perhaps do that in an even more western country, she doesn't want kids soon, and moving further west is out of the question for her.
We made a rational choice, it's rationally better for both of us (we are not wasting eachothers time)... but the fucking pain is like nothing I have known before.
We have such strong trust and loyalty, I can't imagine trusting another person, like I did her. We lived together for 4 years, and now I come home to an empty house every day. Fuck man, it just hurts.
I'm like not even interested in dating for at least 6 months, just don't have the energy for it. I don't even feel like going out there and fucking hot chicks, I'm just disillusioned right now.
You think love and trust is enough for marriage, then life comes along, and teaches you a lesson. When you marry someone, it's for life, and you best make damn sure your lives have compatible goals, otherwise it just can't work.
Had to get it off my chest.
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couleur
[Moderator] Janitor
Posts: 14361
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| Posted: Wed, 9th Jul 2014 18:34 Post subject: |
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You probably wont believe this right away, but at some point in the future you will meet a girl with whome you will feel just as good as with this one. And there is a good chance it will be even better since you will certainly chose someone with similar goals. Having the same goals is just great!
The pain will go away. Courage!
"Enlightenment is man's emergence from his self-imposed nonage. Nonage is the inability to use one's own understanding without another's guidance. This nonage is self-imposed if its cause lies not in lack of understanding but in indecision and lack of courage to use one's own mind without another's guidance. Dare to know! (Sapere aude.) "Have the courage to use your own understanding," is therefore the motto of the enlightenment."
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tw1st
Posts: 6112
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Wed, 9th Jul 2014 18:38 Post subject: |
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it certainly seems like it was a mutual breakup then for the greater benefit of both parties.
At least you were both clearly able to see that you had different life goals, and ended the relationship before it got to a point where it would be much more difficult.
Props.... still breakups always kind of suck :/
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| Posted: Wed, 9th Jul 2014 20:02 Post subject: |
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just to play advocates devil, she sacrificed 4 years of her life to move for your convenience and work. and now when she wants a change, you could not bend your path chosen , while she took a huge u turn for u , dunno sounds a bit unfair ?
but yes talking about the future and being honest with each other can prevent family dramas for sure
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Waargh
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Morphineus
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| Posted: Wed, 9th Jul 2014 20:49 Post subject: |
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If neither of you couldn't budge for a future together than yes you're not meant to be.
I have to agree somewhat with pickupartist, seems she gave it a real chance and following you, but it didn't work out for her and you're letting her go that easily.
That is of course with the assumption you didn't really think of a compromise first, which I can't be sure of with so little information anyway.
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Invasor
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| Posted: Wed, 9th Jul 2014 21:15 Post subject: |
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| PickupArtist wrote: | just to play advocates devil, she sacrificed 4 years of her life to move for your convenience and work. and now when she wants a change, you could not bend your path chosen , while she took a huge u turn for u , dunno sounds a bit unfair ?
but yes talking about the future and being honest with each other can prevent family dramas for sure |
says the pickup artist?...
She didn't sacrifice, she made a choice (that didn't work out, or wasn't working anymore). From what he said, they had a good time, and it ended because they have different plans. C'est la vie.
@Radicalus I suppose you know time heals. Just stay strong, focus on what's good and in yourself.
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| Posted: Wed, 9th Jul 2014 21:35 Post subject: |
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| PickupArtist wrote: | just to play advocates devil, she sacrificed 4 years of her life to move for your convenience and work. and now when she wants a change, you could not bend your path chosen , while she took a huge u turn for u , dunno sounds a bit unfair ?
but yes talking about the future and being honest with each other can prevent family dramas for sure |
She moved here a little over a year ago, and we had long distance relationship for around 1.5 years before that. She wanted to come here, I advised against that timing. She wanted to come and continue her university here, because this is a stronger one in this city, but that also didn't go well for her. Not because of lack of talent, she just gave up midway through. Back then, I advised for her to finish where she was, because she should focus on finishing up her studies.
But in these parts of the world, it's important to have a livelyhood, we had that here, my company (IT consulting, programming, developing) just wouldn't have a market in the city she wanted to live in. It's hard to have a good life here. I budge more easily, because I pick up my roots alongside me, she's doesn't.
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| Posted: Wed, 9th Jul 2014 21:45 Post subject: |
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man thats brutal.... I am dating my girl for 6 years now and It would be brutal if we broke
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Waargh
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Neon
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Waargh
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| Posted: Wed, 9th Jul 2014 22:54 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Wed, 9th Jul 2014 23:29 Post subject: |
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Last edited by Interinactive on Tue, 5th Oct 2021 01:58; edited 1 time in total
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fisk
Posts: 9145
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 01:32 Post subject: |
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GF was 18, I was 20 when we met, we're 36 and 34 now. Waargh is clueless, again.
Yes, yes I'm back.
Somewhat.
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Waargh
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fisk
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Waargh
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 10:13 Post subject: |
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fisk
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 10:34 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 10:49 Post subject: |
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Stupid discussion IMO. I bet everyone has a pro or contra couple to prove his point and this just fits the divorce rate of nearly 50% of marriages, at least here in Germany (if I recall a resent radio news correctly).
I for one know a couple that married after ~12 years of dating and another one just broke up after 13 years. I still don't know what to say about something like this. I guess the next relationship will be much more straight forward in terms of goals for the future.
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 11:01 Post subject: |
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Started dating her when I was 22 and she 17 (shy 2 weeks of 18, :nopedo:)... That was 9 years ago and we are happily married 
Your break-up sounds harsh but from what I can recall of your personality (purely based on your posts here), you are determined enough to get over this. I'll hope for both of you that you won't regret your decisions in the future and will be happy after all
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Waargh
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 11:06 Post subject: |
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One important moment you also forget is that a lot of people can't be honest and brave enough admit the fact that their relationship has failed and continue living in it. They even get old and die like that.
As I already mentioned, some are bound by religious requirements. Some do it 'for the kids'.
The place you live plays a big role - in a small town people seem to stay in the relationship longer, because they know they will still have to live in the same community and have awkward situations with your ex at the grocery shop (just one of the reasons lol). In big cities with a large choice of new partners the situation is different.
Today I didn't even need to use my AK. I gotta say it was a good day. (c) - Ice Cube
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 11:14 Post subject: |
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Long distance relationship (~2500km), no religious requirement, no kids. Some people are just very lucky and know what they want in life early on and find the right person with a similar mindset.
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Waargh
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 11:16 Post subject: |
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| PumpAction wrote: | | Some people are just very lucky and know what they want in life early on and find the right person with a similar mindset. |
Yes, that's a lot of luck, totally agree.
Today I didn't even need to use my AK. I gotta say it was a good day. (c) - Ice Cube
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 14:08 Post subject: |
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| PumpAction wrote: | Started dating her when I was 22 and she 17 (shy 2 weeks of 18, :nopedo:)... That was 9 years ago and we are happily married
Your break-up sounds harsh but from what I can recall of your personality (purely based on your posts here), you are determined enough to get over this. I'll hope for both of you that you won't regret your decisions in the future and will be happy after all |
Thanks for the comforting words.
Strangest thing of all though ... it interests me a lot, what happens to her. I really, really wish for her to be happy. She deserves it. I also want her to succeed in things she starts, but she will have to change a bit for that.
I am fairly certain, that when the hurting is gone, I will still have friendship with her - which of course might mean a problem with the next GF, but we'll deal with it, when we get there >D
Thinking back of all the nice memories at times. Such a strange mix of feelings: happiness and sadness together.
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 14:11 Post subject: |
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| Waargh wrote: | One important moment you also forget is that a lot of people can't be honest and brave enough admit the fact that their relationship has failed and continue living in it. They even get old and die like that.
As I already mentioned, some are bound by religious requirements. Some do it 'for the kids'.
The place you live plays a big role - in a small town people seem to stay in the relationship longer, because they know they will still have to live in the same community and have awkward situations with your ex at the grocery shop (just one of the reasons lol). In big cities with a large choice of new partners the situation is different. |
I'm completely on the opinion of sticking with it.
We have had our problems, tough situations, unlucky strings of events. We stuck by each other. When I was down, when she was down. We always stuck it out, because for a time we felt we were going in the same direction.
I am not a fan of moving on to the next relationship as a way of solving problems. We simply arrived at not a problem, but a very important strategic difference.
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Waargh
Posts: 6997
Location: hell on earth
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 14:41 Post subject: |
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| Radicalus wrote: | | Waargh wrote: | One important moment you also forget is that a lot of people can't be honest and brave enough admit the fact that their relationship has failed and continue living in it. They even get old and die like that.
As I already mentioned, some are bound by religious requirements. Some do it 'for the kids'.
The place you live plays a big role - in a small town people seem to stay in the relationship longer, because they know they will still have to live in the same community and have awkward situations with your ex at the grocery shop (just one of the reasons lol). In big cities with a large choice of new partners the situation is different. |
I'm completely on the opinion of sticking with it.
We have had our problems, tough situations, unlucky strings of events. We stuck by each other. When I was down, when she was down. We always stuck it out, because for a time we felt we were going in the same direction.
I am not a fan of moving on to the next relationship as a way of solving problems. We simply arrived at not a problem, but a very important strategic difference. |
Dude, I was talking about KC only. You have a totally different story, I respect it as much as I respect your GF who stuck with you long enough.
And I think this story can't be over just like that - because she had to help her parents. Be inventive - if your company does well and you have money then waste it on visiting her often, taking her places. Or perhaps moving all her family closer to yourself if you can afford it. But at least be a Man - be crazy, drop by with some flowers, surprise her for fucks sakes.
Today I didn't even need to use my AK. I gotta say it was a good day. (c) - Ice Cube
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 14:44 Post subject: |
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| StrEagle wrote: | Sooo.. did you at least FHITB?
 Spoiler: | sorry about your loss mate, don't loose hope, you will find a better one, there always is  |
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Tried, but failed. Things above a certain size just don't belong in small spaces.
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Jul 2014 14:46 Post subject: |
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| Waargh wrote: | | Radicalus wrote: | | Waargh wrote: | One important moment you also forget is that a lot of people can't be honest and brave enough admit the fact that their relationship has failed and continue living in it. They even get old and die like that.
As I already mentioned, some are bound by religious requirements. Some do it 'for the kids'.
The place you live plays a big role - in a small town people seem to stay in the relationship longer, because they know they will still have to live in the same community and have awkward situations with your ex at the grocery shop (just one of the reasons lol). In big cities with a large choice of new partners the situation is different. |
I'm completely on the opinion of sticking with it.
We have had our problems, tough situations, unlucky strings of events. We stuck by each other. When I was down, when she was down. We always stuck it out, because for a time we felt we were going in the same direction.
I am not a fan of moving on to the next relationship as a way of solving problems. We simply arrived at not a problem, but a very important strategic difference. |
Dude, I was talking about KC only. You have a totally different story, I respect it as much as I respect your GF who stuck with you long enough.
And I think this story can't be over just like that - because she had to help her parents. Be inventive - if your company does well and you have money then waste it on visiting her often, taking her places. Or perhaps moving all her family closer to yourself if you can afford it. But at least be a Man - be crazy, drop by with some flowers, surprise her for fucks sakes. |
That 1.5 years at a distance, was like that. I was visiting her every weekend (some exceptions). Family wouldn't budge though, tried - but in the end, this is just one facet of a more complex situation.
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