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Raccoon
Posts: 3160
Location: Poland
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 Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 20:52 Post subject: Feelin' horrible |
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Recently I feel like shit. It all started at Easter when my dad, who has moderate drinking problem, went wild for 3 days in a row. And that was only one week after his previous 3-day drinking marathon.
I thought like: My God, how much a shit my life actually is. I do absolutely nothing with it - no direction, no traction, no job, no school, hardly any contacts with people. My entire childhood was basically "North Korea", where one and only survival rule was not to stand out, ie. engage in any conflict / fight for yourself.
So I've learnt how to adapt. Quite effectively. The problem is - adaptation skills derived from such childhood are of no use in adult life, when people suddenly require you to go out there, to the outside world, and cope.
Trying to always put another person's perspective before mine and caring too much about what they may think of me unfortunately resulted in depression, social anxiety, suicide attempts. I tried to kill myself 5 times. (Pills. Razor blade.) Unsuccessfully. Nowadays, I'm not sure whether were those genuine, or maybe just crying for help.
Mood swings I've come to live with have stabilized recently. Sad thing is they stabilized at rather negative axis. I'm thinking of a suicide again. Don't know what to do with all those things. I live like a parasite - doing nothing all days, existing at the cost of my parents who I'm still harbouring a grudge against.
The worst thing I have such a strong belief that people are generally evil and should be stayed away from that I have horrendous time trying to reach out for help. I just don't trust anyone.
I feel angry, sad, depressed, betrayed, overwhelmed. Left alone.
And I have no idea where to go. 
"Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world there is a duck watching you."
Fuck Polish government for oppressing women!
"People are such awful conversationalists that they’ll interrupt you when you’re answering a question they asked."
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Sin317
Banned
Posts: 24322
Location: Geneva
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 20:58 Post subject: |
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first of all, stop with the suicide talk/attempts. It's a pathetic way out, nothing else. Are you pathetic ? Didn't think so.
Now to your problem. You need to find something that you like/can identify with it.
A good way is finding a/your "scene", like music, sports etc. Something that you can go to/ do and naturally be with people. Go to a disco/nightclub/etc. , join a club (sport etc, or something that you're interested in) etc etc. It's really easy to connect with like-minded people. Most important : Don't fake it. Don't put up a mask and pretend to be someone/something you aren't. Friends who like your fake "me" aren't worth having, so don't waste your time with that. Be honest, be yourself and accept anyone to be themselves as well.
Good luck.
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 21:15 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 21:36 Post subject: |
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Bitch please, i was in the deepest hole i could be (father went away when i was 16, mom had no stable job) at 18 i was the support of the house, exgf of many years gave me one of the biggest dissapointments of my life, eternal struggle until today to hold my house.
Still i didnt give up, i started meeting people and learning from them or running away when needed (so many worthless people), started fiddling with cars, racing, airsoft, paintball, learning stuff, having fun, getting cool friends etc etc setting goals to work etc.
Dont give it up, find what you like and pursuit it, work for it, suicide only ends it and thats it, meanwhile working around hardships can give you roads to improve, enjoy and have fun in life, hard to explain but im working and im stuck without pretty and deep words 
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 21:39 Post subject: |
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you're polish you have no reason to be depressed kurwa eat kielbasa
cockcockcockcockcockcockcockcockcockcockcockcock
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deelix
PDIP Member
Posts: 32062
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 22:00 Post subject: |
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Isn't this how most people feel in eastern europe?
And stop talking about suicide, even tho you might not financially be able to... try to just get away and get things into perspective.
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 22:41 Post subject: |
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Don't You have gf Raccoon ?
3080 | ps5 pro
Sin317-"im 31 years old and still surprised at how much shit comes out of my ass actually ..."
SteamDRM-"Call of Duty is the symbol of the true perfection in every aspect. Call of Duty games are like Mozart's/Beethoven's symphonies"
deadpoetic-"are you new to the cyberspace?"
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matta666
Posts: 1061
Location: Manchester
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 22:57 Post subject: |
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Small steps instead of a grand plan to sort your shit out dude. I've a healthy drink problem, and dabbled with depression myself, you're not on your own; Good luck.
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Raccoon
Posts: 3160
Location: Poland
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Invasor
Moderator
Posts: 7638
Location: On the road
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 23:18 Post subject: |
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Sometimes life just sucks. Like now. In times like these you can either kill yourself, wait for a change, or be the change. Since your life is all you've got, and as far as we know it is the only one, the first option seems stupid.
You could probably try and do something you've never done before, do the unexpected, like voluntary work (find an animal shelter?), go travel by yourself (it really can be done with very little money), go jog in the park, I don't know, change.
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Raccoon
Posts: 3160
Location: Poland
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 23:26 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 23:45 Post subject: |
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I'd start small. Try some kind of outdoors activity, jogging, cycling, anything to get you out of the rut. Breaking the evil routine that is making you miserable is the key 
Then you can look for some kind of a job. Doesn't have to be anything fancy, but it will get you out of the house, and you'll earn some money.
Then you'll see life change.
When I get super depressed, I tell myself: if I kill myself, I'll miss all those cool pew pew movies to see, and I'd really like to see them. It sounds stupid, but it actually works 
"Quantum mechanics is actually, contrary to it's reputation, unbeliveably simple, once you take the physics out."
Scott Aaronson | chiv wrote: | | thats true you know. newton didnt discover gravity. the apple told him about it, and then he killed it. the core was never found. |
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matta666
Posts: 1061
Location: Manchester
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Raccoon
Posts: 3160
Location: Poland
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matta666
Posts: 1061
Location: Manchester
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2014 23:54 Post subject: |
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Raccoon
Posts: 3160
Location: Poland
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| Posted: Wed, 7th May 2014 00:22 Post subject: |
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| Invasor wrote: | | Sometimes life just sucks. Like now. In times like these you can either kill yourself, wait for a change, or be the change. Since your life is all you've got, and as far as we know it is the only one, the first option seems stupid. |
Catastrophizing is one of my really though problems. I felt like shit plenty of times already and I usually managed to make my way out of it. For better or for worse. Nonetheless, the state of "life sucks and it can never get any better" seems so permanent right now. I don't know why it's like that. I've been worse, I've seen worse; it eventually got better. Always.
Yet every time I fall into the pit of misery, there seems to be no way out. Like now. I just don't believe in any future.
The other of my problems is rationalization - I generally have a hard time talking about feelings. Sometimes even experiencing them. But at the same I can devour insane amount of psychology material to understand what is happening to me. Make sense out of it. Feel better ("intellectual superiority" - "I'm better than this primitive emotional shit!") for a short period of time. And eventually still do nothing to change my life. Hmmmm...
"Life is all you've got" is a tricky one. When thinking about suicide such notion seems rather cheering. "I'm horribly unhappy about it. I want to get rid of it. Thank whatever-there-is-or-isnt I won't be having to deal with it anymore."
I appreciate the positive intentions though.  (Despite the fact I may seem a little bit dickish right now.)
| Quote: | | You could probably try and do something you've never done before, do the unexpected, like voluntary work (find an animal shelter?), go travel by yourself (it really can be done with very little money), go jog in the park, I don't know, change. |
Yeah... Breaking out of my comfort-zone. Here's where the problems really lie. It's so fucking difficult. To actually start doing something. Get out there.
However, no one will ever live a happy life without breaking out of their safe-spot. Comfort-zone. I don't know how I'm i supposed to do that... So much anxiety...
I guess one has to jump out of their nest to finally learn how to fly.
Learn how to fly or die trying.
"Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world there is a duck watching you."
Fuck Polish government for oppressing women!
"People are such awful conversationalists that they’ll interrupt you when you’re answering a question they asked."
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| Posted: Wed, 7th May 2014 00:32 Post subject: |
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I have the cure
Raccoon needs the pussy.
It's poland full of hot girls, start getting educated on how to hustle pussy right now and watch your entire being change.
I can offer lessons.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th May 2014 01:02 Post subject: |
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| matta666 wrote: | When you reach 30 apathy kicks in and washes all the emotion away, in my experience.
Lol, not that that's a fucking good thing, but it makes life more comfortable |
And when you reach 50, you don't really give a fuck about anything, so hey, you have that to look forward to Also, when you reach that age, you will look back and wonder, then say to yourself "why the fuck did I post that nonsense in the first place?, on any board?"
Believe me.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th May 2014 06:33 Post subject: |
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Well i had a really bad patch, i mean really, money tight, all things on me, broken heart, frustrated, socially deficient. So i kept playing, i loved playing games, so that kept me going as i enjoy seeing new stuff.
Then i found out that working i could manage some money to put aside and enjoy, i found eating around kinda fun, with close friends etc, sharing my problems, hearing, giving my own advice or insight on things, i learned from them, them from me. (No alcohol abuse, its just ridiculous)
Then i bought my car and since im mechanically inclined i fell into it, ending up today with wide knowledge of cars, engines, racing, drifting, etc. Generally you must have a hobby you like, be it RC helicopters, airsoft, cars, bikes, skates, hiking, something. Something that can be done, as in money wise, skills wise, availability wise. That thing you like, learn more of it, get skills in it (personally i love thinkering with stuff so i found more fun there)
Must most importantly, apart from taking a hobby, one thing, if you are working/studying/looking for progress or better things, they arrive somehow, at their own pace. That has given me a lot to look forward. Indeed life is horrible, many bad things are shown to us, but we must be able to enjoy the nice people and things.
Meeting people, sharing, being nicer to everyone (not sacrificing myself though) that brought me to many people worth keeping around, even if we split for months i keep going back and having fun. That gave me a wide road that i liked trying out, people can be great, share with them, be more sociable, eventually the bad friends pass along and good friends arrive.
You must understand that every bad patch passes, you have to be realistic since a lot of things affect us temporary (and wont kill us or limit us) and then they just get burried or forgotten.
Right now? after all my rough times, my work is paying me decently, probably getting a raise soon, ive learned to live with the bad things that happen around me, but i form part of the good deeds and smiles of others by helping and being around. My hobby i love it, i got a great girl finally (nothing is perfect  ), i look forward to graduation, moving to canada if i can, im proud of giving my family a better situation than before, their happyness at my expense is actually ok, and i know im going to be free soon to do a lot of things.
In the end i found my way out of the holes, even if things were worse, i still wouldnt have killed myself, i would be closing the book without letting the pages pass, i let them pass and i found that i could start writing after some time, now things are good, and i hope for better things and to try more stuff out.
And yes, take risks when socializing, many times i failed but i learned a lot and i had a ton of fun.
Hell, just look at us here, if we were all neighborns i think we would have a shit load of fun together, but we are in the internet, so fuck it, but imagine finding close friends like many of the ones who roam the hump, thats part of what i look forward to.
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zipfero
Posts: 8938
Location: White Shaft
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| Posted: Wed, 7th May 2014 09:06 Post subject: |
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Invasor
Moderator
Posts: 7638
Location: On the road
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| Posted: Wed, 7th May 2014 19:10 Post subject: |
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| Raccoon wrote: | | Yeah... Breaking out of my comfort-zone. Here's where the problems really lie. It's so fucking difficult. To actually start doing something. Get out there. |
As soon as you start doing something, you'll see it wasn't that hard. All it takes is one day of effort: the day you go out and start something.
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whited
Posts: 347
Location: Close to New Center of Evil
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| Posted: Wed, 7th May 2014 21:28 Post subject: |
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do some fucking sports at least 2 hours everyday, and in week or two you will not have any bad thoughts/mood, i promise
do whatever, run, cycle, play ball, but do it so you put all your emotions in it and get physically tired
really fuck all shrinks etc, 95% of nowadays mental problems come from fucking couch potatoes lifestyles.... from other hand if you see green hobbit in corner of the room, then better go see some shrink
A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.
Bob Dylan
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zipfero
Posts: 8938
Location: White Shaft
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| Posted: Thu, 8th May 2014 12:33 Post subject: |
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| whited wrote: | do some fucking sports at least 2 hours everyday, and in week or two you will not have any bad thoughts/mood, i promise
do whatever, run, cycle, play ball, but do it so you put all your emotions in it and get physically tired
really fuck all shrinks etc, 95% of nowadays mental problems come from fucking couch potatoes lifestyles.... from other hand if you see green hobbit in corner of the room, then better go see some shrink |
'You are being unnecessarily obnoxious, but yes exercise can often be very good to help with depression. Start small and slow, the biggest immediate effect is accomplishment. Can you get a routine working with a little exercise in a routine you can gradually upgrade and so on. It can really help for many people but to say that it is the cure is asinine.
8 out of 10 dentists prefer zipfero to competing brands(fraich3 and Mutantius)!
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| Posted: Thu, 8th May 2014 18:16 Post subject: |
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| Invasor wrote: | | Raccoon wrote: | | Yeah... Breaking out of my comfort-zone. Here's where the problems really lie. It's so fucking difficult. To actually start doing something. Get out there. |
As soon as you start doing something, you'll see it wasn't that hard. All it takes is one day of effort: the day you go out and start something. |
the beginnigs are most difficult.
start slow, go jogging, make a few push ups
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| Posted: Thu, 8th May 2014 19:00 Post subject: |
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A big problem i have found, is that i get more depressed the longer i isolate myself from the things that are out of my routine.
Everytime i have free time and i hide in my room playing games, or doing routine stuff at work i get really down, so im convinced that i have extinguished my routine.
Going out to talk about life with friends, meeting THEIR friends, working on my car, eating out, hanging around, etc, makes my feel refreshed. And i find new things i want to do or try out.
Enjoy all those things you have kept out of your reach, work can be really fun if its something you like and dedicate yourself to, and it makes new paths to explore (experience-wise and money-wise)
I find that socializing has been the best thing ive done, ive learned so much, opened so much and life has been better. Now i just need more money 
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cobALT
Posts: 2340
Location: In a world created by fascist and used by cowards to manipulate
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| Posted: Thu, 8th May 2014 22:19 Post subject: |
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I've been in a similar spot a few years back, and since I've started working, things had improved a lot. Changed a few workplaces and meet quite a lot of people, witch kept things new and interesting, and having a financial stability helped a lot.
I have a friend in a similar position right now and the best advice I can give his is "try finding a job" it's the next best thing in character building after school/uni.
So for starters, (this might sound harsh but it's how I slapped myself when I was in a similar spot) start doing and stop thinking about what to do. Start doing for yourself and try looking for a job. It might take some time until you find something that suits you/you enjoy.
Best of luck and remember that as long as you don't give up and you act for yourself, you can get through this!
| Lopin18 wrote: | A big problem i have found, is that i get more depressed the longer i isolate myself from the things that are out of my routine.
Everytime i have free time and i hide in my room playing games, or doing routine stuff at work i get really down, so im convinced that i have extinguished my routine.
Going out to talk about life with friends, meeting THEIR friends, working on my car, eating out, hanging around, etc, makes my feel refreshed. And i find new things i want to do or try out.
Enjoy all those things you have kept out of your reach, work can be really fun if its something you like and dedicate yourself to, and it makes new paths to explore (experience-wise and money-wise)
I find that socializing has been the best thing ive done, ive learned so much, opened so much and life has been better. Now i just need more money |
This!
[img:91f1fb12c3 ]http://i.imgur.com/fTzqMvq.gif[/img]
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Raccoon
Posts: 3160
Location: Poland
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Frankly speaking I had kielbasa for a dinner today; didn't help for the mood though. I must be doing something wrong I guess. 
jestem czarnuchu
