|
|
| Page 1 of 2 |
|
|
 Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 00:12 Post subject: Strange... |
|
 |
I just split with my girl, we were together for 2 year's, have a child together, i guess you could say we grew apart, the strange thing is, we have been getting along much better now then we did when we were together,
It was a mutual seperation, as we both felt unhappy, we have also come to an agreement, that i get to have my daughter 3 night's a week, we still live under the same roof, as she is looking for a place to move, but it's just rather strange, it's almost completely opposite to how it was when we were a couple, i hate shouting, confruntational atmosphere's, so when she did shout, i just walked away,(went to another room)which is how it was, but now, it's actually a hell of alot less stressful environment.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 00:19 Post subject: |
|
|
you shouldn't have a child if you weren't serious in your relationship
now she'll grow up in a broken home , after you get tired and leave it all behind and she grows up with a step father
if it wasn't for your own happiness do it for the child and stay together who knows you were happy once why not again
see this is the problem of the western civilisations, they give birth without thinking about the child
she does have the right for a normal home with both parents in it
you both are selfish
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
TiHKAL
Posts: 2350
Location: The Pub
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 00:30 Post subject: |
|
|
Sorry to hear that VH - Although it sounds like things might be on the up and up.
PC: i7-4790k @ 4.4, 32GB @ 2400, Nvidia 1080TI FE, 2 TB Crucial MX500 SSD
Nintendo Switch SX OS Pro / PS4 Pro 5.05 Hen/Mira / PS3 Modded / Wii Modded / 360 Pre-Wave4 mod
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Phluxed
VIP Member
Posts: 4911
Location: Oakville, Ontario, Canada
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 00:38 Post subject: |
|
|
| FireMaster wrote: | she does have the right for a normal home with both parents in it
|
She doesn't have any such 'right'.
Though it does suck the child will grow up in a 'broken home'. I haven't seen my father in 10 years and I turned out alright. It's not going to destroy her as long as someone is there to nurture her.
Anyhow, seperation for couples seems to often be a remedy. Perhaps this is the medicine your relationship needs. Perhaps itll gradually grow back together? Maybe it'll allow you to have a civil break up for the sake of your child? Either way, I'm sorry you're dealing with the relationship drama, but as stated, seems like positives are on their way. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 00:50 Post subject: |
|
|
Firemaster...our daughter is our number one priority over everything else, she's just turned a year old, i can appreciate your opinion, but to say were both selfish, that is a little harsh, from what you have said, it sound's like couple's should stay together, when they have children.
But what you may not understand is, that sometime's when couple's don't get along as well as they did, it create's an atmosphere that the child can easily pick up, causing distress in a family, i would rather my daughter grow up in a happier, loving environment, with both of there parent's regardless of the relationship status, instead of both parent's tearing each other apart, to prevent a "broken home", sometime's seperation's work out best for a family, rather than creating a stressful atmosphere.
i apologise if i have offended you with this post.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ChinUp
Posts: 5503
Location: 51.7° N ' 1.1° W
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 00:53 Post subject: |
|
|
| Phluxed wrote: | | She doesn't have any such 'right'. |
That sux
| Phluxed wrote: | | I haven't seen my father in 10 years and I turned out alright. |
Who has the heart to admit they suffered as a result of coming from a broken home. Its so much easier to pretend its all good no matter what a sh!tty hand you were dealt by the people who brought you to life..
Still its worse for a child to grow up in a home where its parents don't love each other. The children have to carry the baggage the parents don't account for in the beginnings. Be really careful when, with who & if you have kids. FFS have a care.
Glad to hear you had the courage to end it rather than beat a dead horse, with any luck your kid will learn to have the same fortitude & not stick with somebody they really don't dig. Life is too short.
"Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in & out of favor." ~ Frost
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 01:01 Post subject: |
|
|
| FireMaster wrote: | you shouldn't have a child if you weren't serious in your relationship
We were very serious, very loving even though we are not together i still tell her i love her.
now she'll grow up in a broken home ,
after you get tired and leave it all behind and she grows up with a step father
I find that slightly offensive, do you have kid's?, it's the best feeling in the world, i'm extremely pround to be a father, an i love my daughter with every inch of my heart
if it wasn't for your own happiness do it for the child and stay together who knows you were happy once why not again
Because this can cause a further stressful environment, an unhappy atmosphere, but we have already talked about the chance's of a possible re-try an it's very possible, but at the moment time an space is needed from eachother.
see this is the problem of the western civilisations, they give birth without thinking about the child
my child is the very first person i think about when i wake up every morning.
she does have the right for a normal home with both parents in it
you both are selfish
ouch... |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Phluxed
VIP Member
Posts: 4911
Location: Oakville, Ontario, Canada
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 01:07 Post subject: |
|
|
| ChinUp wrote: | | Phluxed wrote: | | I haven't seen my father in 10 years and I turned out alright. |
Who has the heart to admit they suffered as a result of coming from a broken home. Its so much easier to pretend its all good no matter what a sh!tty hand you were dealt by the people who brought you to life..
|
I don't want to take this too far off topic, but honestly, I was like every other kid. I would like to think I wear my heart on my sleeve and I've never really had issues with no father.
I never was really rebellious, minus my drug habits, but, well, I blame that on suburbia 
I think people create problems and find reasons to blame them on 'broken' homes. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 02:20 Post subject: |
|
|
I come from a "broken" home. Although the home functionned better when my mother left anyway. I have seen her a total of 5 times since she left.
My father is the best father anyone could wish for. He went to work the day after they split, they where married for some 20 years, and still managed to keep his head high and work to put food on our table whilst my mother was off fucking some guy she ran away with from work.. She took all of his money and cards and got him into debt paying her new guy's bills. Fucking whore.. My own mother...
The world is a treacherous place and it is hard to trust anyone.. I will say that much. I find it hard to look a person in the eye and trust them. Van.Helsing.. Give your child your entire support ; she needs you now more than ever. Relationships with girls break down; but relationships with children only grow stronger.
I finnished with my ex of 2 years also, last november. She wanted kids, I didnt because I don't like them. I am not the father type, too much of a tie down..
Besides that, I did not agree with her ancient ideas of child upbringing. It seemed she would wrap her kids into a caccoon when they should have a balance of the outside world, a taste of freedom to develop their own sense of self; with parental guidance. Children need to make mistakes ; it is how they learn.
If you wrap your daughter up you will only cramp her abillity to be independent later in life. Remember that.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 02:48 Post subject: |
|
|
My daughter is my absolute priority, i will give her all my love an support, an so will her mother, even though her mother an i's relationship didn't go the way we wanted it to, we still both want to raise her in a loving family environment, and we both want our daughter to have that caring, loving family atmosphere, both myself an her mother still have alot of respect for eachother, an maybe we will reconcile, but only time will tell, at the moment we both want the best for our daughter's upbringing and to raise her properly.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 03:27 Post subject: |
|
|
Well to be honest I wish I was brought up in a 'broken home' It was never worth to me as a kid having these fake parents who went off to their little parties and played the game of the so called 'those that had it" people, which they weren't in my eyes. Everything was for show, including their kids. Everybody knew but very few actually did anything. Only one person let me know I wasn't crazy, that it wasn't me and that was my dads lawyer. He took me away with his family on a trip. I thought he spoiled his daughers because he treated them so well. More than once he was really nice to me as a kid.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 03:36 Post subject: |
|
|
My father skipped out on our family when i was just born, an i've never seen him in my entire life, i'm 24, an he's never made an effort to find me, but my mom raised me very well, with manner's an respect, my mom did alot for all three of us(i have two brother's) we also have a sister but nor me, or my brother's have ever met her, an even though my mom remarried after many year's of being alone, we still never had that father figure in our life,
I want my daughter to have everything and more, an i will give her the best and most fullfilling and loving life that i'm physically capable of.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 03:44 Post subject: |
|
|
Van.Helsing
Your daughter sounds really lucky. Even if her parents aren't together. You have her best intersts at heart.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ChinUp
Posts: 5503
Location: 51.7° N ' 1.1° W
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
deelix
PDIP Member
Posts: 32062
Location: Norway
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 08:57 Post subject: |
|
|
| FireMaster wrote: | you shouldn't have a child if you weren't serious in your relationship
|
I think its easier said than done im afraid. People grow apart :\
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ChinUp
Posts: 5503
Location: 51.7° N ' 1.1° W
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 13:14 Post subject: |
|
|
| deelix wrote: | | FireMaster wrote: | you shouldn't have a child if you weren't serious in your relationship
|
I think its easier said than done im afraid. People grow apart :\ |
That isnt love imo. True love and the partners grow alongside one another. If it doesnt feel right, leave it be in my book. I wasted 2 years of my life on that one, never again.
I have something special with my current GF. Its reaching the 4 month mark, I do love her, but still I dont want kids in the future etc so we will see how it goes.
I prefer life to be a feather in the wind, anyway.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 13:22 Post subject: |
|
|
I did not mean to be offensive don't get me wrong but I think ChinUp have said it
since you love your child and you don't want to leave her that is great to have both her parents for her
but most of them also in the beginning think they're happy with it and it's what they wanted untill they grow tired of it and get on with their lives and leave everything behind and this happens in "most" cases hopefuly you're an exception.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 15:28 Post subject: |
|
|
It was 4:02am i couldn't sleep, an i knew why, so i went into the other room, an told her that i love her, an that i didn't want to be with anyone but her, she told me, we need time apart, some space, so i have told her how i feel, i said when she's ready, i'll be right here waiting.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
helvete
Posts: 2727
Location: Sweden
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 16:57 Post subject: |
|
|
sorry to hear that man. things like this are hard to get through. gimme a shout if you need to talk to someone
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Wed, 30th Jul 2008 21:21 Post subject: |
|
|
| FireMaster wrote: | you shouldn't have a child if you weren't serious in your relationship
now she'll grow up in a broken home , after you get tired and leave it all behind and she grows up with a step father
if it wasn't for your own happiness do it for the child and stay together who knows you were happy once why not again
see this is the problem of the western civilisations, they give birth without thinking about the child
she does have the right for a normal home with both parents in it
you both are selfish |
QFT
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
nouseforaname
Über-VIP Member
Posts: 21306
Location: Toronto, Canada
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ChinUp
Posts: 5503
Location: 51.7° N ' 1.1° W
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
nouseforaname
Über-VIP Member
Posts: 21306
Location: Toronto, Canada
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ChinUp
Posts: 5503
Location: 51.7° N ' 1.1° W
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Thu, 31st Jul 2008 00:17 Post subject: |
|
|
At this point i kind of regret posting this, as, some of you, instead of showing me support, have literally called me a dumbfuck for having children in a mid-lengh relationship, you know something, we were very strong an loving, thing's can change between a couple you know, and just because we have seperated, doesn't mean our daughter will suffer or have a challenging life, but to call me a dumbfuck, is somewhat harsh, and a little disrespectful, instead of giving some good advice, you threw insult's, instead of any sort of wisdom, you became hostile, to me, that's not helpful,
It's harmful....
Like i said, i regret posting this in a community that i thought would be supportive, not hostile.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
| Posted: Thu, 31st Jul 2008 00:41 Post subject: |
|
|
| kaeye wrote: | dude.. dont take notice of the trolls 
Having children isnt about age. Its about how you feel at the time. If you felt like you wanted a kid back then, you did nothing wrong. How does it make you a dumbfuck lol? People are only saying that in here right now because they have nothing better to do than start a flame war. |
Bro, i've wanted a family/children from a very early age, an i've alway's had the capability an intelligence to raise a child properply, i guess my situation is of course different like every other seperation, an some people don't understand that even though children are involved that seperation can be the best course of action, to stabalize the parent's as a family, to get along in a much more civil an respectful an a less chaotic life-style. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
|
| Posted: Thu, 31st Jul 2008 00:45 Post subject: |
|
|
children can be raised better from broken homes, theres less conflict + they have a lot more pressure to become independant. I trust your clever and will raise her right, so take it easy.
I dont think you should get back with your girl. If it doesnt work the first time around, it will never work again.
troll detected by SiN
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Page 1 of 2 |
All times are GMT + 1 Hour |
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
Powered by phpBB 2.0.8 © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group
|
|
 |
|
