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anarxist
Banned
Posts: 4377
Location: Israel,born in the USSR
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 Posted: Tue, 24th Jul 2007 14:46 Post subject: Pentagon Leaks Canadian Invasion Plans |
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ARLINGTON, VA - The Daily Redundancy, in an unprecedented exclusive, has received copies of a top-secret plan to invade Canada. The unnamed source, who gave us the plans on the condition of anonymity, is a highly placed military intelligence officer named Vincent Mongerwhisp. Mr. Mongerwhisp has refused to comment on anything other than the Canadian invasion plans.
Invasion of Canada"Tactically speaking, it's a brilliant plan." said Mongerwhisp, an avid military historian, West Point graduate, and breeder of champion shitzus. "It really had the element of surprise. They never would have seen it coming."
As part of the exclusive rights to this story, The Daily Redundancy has agreed not to disclose the details of the plan - which was to infiltrate the country with soldiers dressed like Minnesotans (who are almost indistinguishable from Canadians) during the Stanley Cup finals and take control of the television stations.
"They really like their hockey." said Mongerwhisp. "We think most of them would have given up pretty easily as long as they could finish watching the game. The only real worry we had were the French-Canadians in Quebec. Those are some tough ***tards - we could have avoided two world wars if France hadn't let those guys get away."
Pentagon officials downplayed the existence of the plans. "We have plans to invade everyone stashed somewhere in this building." said Army Secretary Milton C. Ironcrotch. "That doesn't mean we plan to use them, necessarily."
Canadian officials were understandably outraged. "We knew it!" exclaimed Jean-Paul O'Hirlehey, Canadian Ambassador. "They've had us surrounded since that Alaska deal with Russia. That whole Cold War thing must have been a ruse."
Everyday Canadians seem to take the notion in stride. "It was bound to happen." says Walt Beaverskin, a Saskatoon resident. "But they don't need to invade us. Just make us states - at least we'd finally get some representation down there."
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http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1020.html
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nouseforaname
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Posts: 21306
Location: Toronto, Canada
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