Tales from the Ozarks
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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Mon, 14th Aug 2017 07:59    Post subject: Tales from the Ozarks
I met two guys named "Mud" and "Hillbilly". Hillbilly has a tattoo on his neck...it says "Hillbilly". They renovated my kitchen, sold me some weed and recommended getting a hunting license to kill invaders on my land.

I have no weapons aside from a nail gun. I don't think I need a license to use it. What these invaders are remains to be seen.
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HubU
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PostPosted: Mon, 14th Aug 2017 09:29    Post subject:
I see you already made good use of the weed though Very Happy


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Mon, 14th Aug 2017 09:50    Post subject:
HubU wrote:
I see you already made good use of the weed though Very Happy


Yes sir Very Happy
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TSR69
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Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
PostPosted: Mon, 14th Aug 2017 13:55    Post subject:
Did Mud have any tattoos?


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HubU
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PostPosted: Mon, 14th Aug 2017 14:04    Post subject:
TSR69 wrote:
Did Mud have any tattoos?


His asscheeks read (T S R)*( 6 9 )


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
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TSR69
Banned



Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
PostPosted: Mon, 14th Aug 2017 14:20    Post subject:
Nah you must be mistaken, it must be something like: (Hu)*(bU)

(I am not particular funny or original here)


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HubU
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PostPosted: Mon, 14th Aug 2017 16:41    Post subject:


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
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TSR69
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Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
PostPosted: Mon, 14th Aug 2017 19:00    Post subject:
Dear Mr. Stalin,

I would like to express my gratitude of you writing in you diary instead of murdering millions of innocent people.

Regards, TSR69

eh


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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Tue, 15th Aug 2017 00:34    Post subject:
I rescued a pupper from the shelter to help guard these 5 acres from invaders and whatever is making the disturbing noises in the surrounding forest at night. He is some kind of Anatolian Shepherd mix and I named him Farley. He appears to be afraid of grasshoppers and only tried to escape 6 times today. A more fierce and loyal companion has never existed.
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scaramonga




Posts: 9800

PostPosted: Tue, 15th Aug 2017 00:42    Post subject:
OK.
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ixigia
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Posts: 65043
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Tue, 15th Aug 2017 01:03    Post subject:
It all starts so quietly, then in a couple of weeks you'll be the proud owner of the Blue Cat Lodge and the Lickety Splitz Mobster with a Fag Very Happy
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HubU
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Posts: 11314

PostPosted: Tue, 15th Aug 2017 01:15    Post subject:
Rynath wrote:
I rescued a pupper from the shelter to help guard these 5 acres from invaders and whatever is making the disturbing noises in the surrounding forest at night. He is some kind of Anatolian Shepherd mix and I named him Farley. He appears to be afraid of grasshoppers and only tried to escape 6 times today. A more fierce and loyal companion has never existed.


I do not know who you are, but know that there is someone in Europe that loves you.


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Tue, 15th Aug 2017 05:09    Post subject:
ixigia wrote:
It all starts so quietly, then in a couple of weeks you'll be the proud owner of the Blue Cat Lodge and the Lickety Splitz Mobster with a Fag Very Happy


I'm curious where they filmed it or if those places have different names. That being said, I threw back a few beers at "Big Dick's Halfway Inn" tonight. Razz Gotta love the names around here.
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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Tue, 15th Aug 2017 05:10    Post subject:
HubU wrote:
Rynath wrote:
I rescued a pupper from the shelter to help guard these 5 acres from invaders and whatever is making the disturbing noises in the surrounding forest at night. He is some kind of Anatolian Shepherd mix and I named him Farley. He appears to be afraid of grasshoppers and only tried to escape 6 times today. A more fierce and loyal companion has never existed.


I do not know who you are, but know that there is someone in Europe that loves you.


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HubU
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Posts: 11314

PostPosted: Tue, 15th Aug 2017 09:31    Post subject:
Do you got one of these pimp-ass hovercrafts?
Please, do me a solid, I want a picture of someone sporting an OUTRAGEOUS mulet.
Don't get shot in the process Very Happy

Also, Mud and Hill Billy were right, you got some creepy surroundings


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Tue, 15th Aug 2017 09:53    Post subject:
HubU wrote:
Do you got one of these pimp-ass hovercrafts?
Please, do me a solid, I want a picture of someone sporting an OUTRAGEOUS mulet.
Don't get shot in the process Very Happy

Also, Mud and Hill Billy were right, you got some creepy surroundings


No watercraft but I'm on the lookout for a canoe. It's black out here at night. I killed all external lights around the house so my eyes can adjust better. If there is no moon I can see very little. The strange noises persisted tonight. I took Farley out but I can only see a few feet into the forest. He sees a whole lot more than I do. The ticks and mosquitoes are so thick...there's no way I'm going in there.

The sounds...like snapping branches, large branches, wood knocks and the clacking of rocks together. I've seen plenty of wildlife but nothing that would create these sounds. At times I wonder if there are humans running around out there. Who would be doing that at 2 AM in pitch black is beyond me.

Farley was growling and it freaked me out so I headed back inside. To be continued.
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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Wed, 16th Aug 2017 03:49    Post subject:
Woke up this morning and my bird feeder went missing. It was hanging on a shepherd's crook, chained and latched. I searched the acreage but found no sign of it. Maybe a raccoon unlatched it and hauled it away. During the search I found an intact coyote skull...teeth and all. I left it out front temporarily and the garbage man took it. Why?!? It was perfect. I wanted to keep it.

While putzing around in the workshop some guy used my gravel driveway to turn around...in the process he backed over the mailbox and fled the scene while I was staring at him in disbelief. Half hour later he returned. He offered to pay expenses or help to fix it. I gave him a beer, thanked him for returning and he left relieved. Maybe feeding the unskilled driver alcohol wasn't the best idea. It's just a mailbox...no biggie.

Hillbilly and Mud are returning tomorrow night to put finishing touches on the kitchen. I'm having a bonfire and feeding them steaks and booze. I want them to hang around late to see if these sounds return from the forest. They are locals, carry weapons and hopefully will witness the activity.
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tainted4ever
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PostPosted: Wed, 16th Aug 2017 20:20    Post subject:
Dude I gotta visit you one day. With lots of weed and firearms.


Sense Amid Madness, Wit Amidst Folly
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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Thu, 17th Aug 2017 06:42    Post subject:
My two friends...who I now call "Mudbilly" finished up the kitchen. Our bonfire plans fell through because we've had monsoon type rains all day. It's still coming down right now. The roof in the garage sprung a leak. They may help me fix it in the future. I fed them as planned before sending them on their way.

Afterwards I'm out having a smoke on the porch and I see this kid riding a bike on the main road. This road...it's right out of the movie Pet Sematary. I've come to find out from Mudbilly that it was awarded the most dangerous road in America a few years back. I've already crushed a raccoon and armadillo on it with my truck. You have to go 30 miles in one direction to reach a town and 10 in the other. By town...I mean they have gas stations.

This kid, he just stops out front of my driveway. It's raining sheets, thunder and lightning crashing. This can't be right.

I yell for him to come in. He agrees. I notice he has a cut on his head and is bleeding. He says he got hit in the head with a falling branch from the winds.

I give him medical attention in the form of beer, throw his bike in the back of my truck and drive him to his destination...his home which is another 15 miles away. Was he really biking this entire stretch? I'll have to find out more later.

Mudbilly and my new young friend are now coming over this weekend for the postponed bonfire, weather permitting.
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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Sun, 27th Aug 2017 09:16    Post subject:
...and so came the bonfire. Days earlier I relocated the fire pit from the front of the property to the back. It was a more private location, away from Pet Semetary road and closer to the backside forest. Mud, Hillbilly and The Kid were my guests. I will be referring to "The Kid" as such to protect his identity. He is all of 16 years old and I've already grown fond of him.

Grilled meats, booze and blunts were on the menu that night.

After downing a few of everything, The Kid opened up about his adventure in the storm. Turns out he was biking 20 miles, both ways to see his girl. That would be a 40 mile bike ride to get laid in the dead of night during a thunderstorm. The Kid...the legend.

Music played from a shitty boom box into the early hours. We were feeling no pain. All was calm. A clear, starry night to compliment the fire...excellence all around.

We were about to call it a night and silence fell over the wild. No frog song, no insects, no nothing. It just stopped. Everyone took notice. Everyone stood up. Farley took a pointing posture back towards Pet Semetary road. I killed the boom box.

We see these lights across the road about 50 yards into the forest. Wide beams of light shining into the sky. They were like spotlights, only different...six of them in a circle pattern. Weird. Really weird. Wide beams of light clearing the treetops. No sounds, no engines, no machinery, no voices...nothing. We watched the spectacle for 20 seconds. At the time it seemed like an eternity. Then they vanished...gone in an instant.

After a lot of speculation, my company left for the evening.

Farley was unsettled the following morning and wouldn't leave my side. Now he whines when I leash him out front. When I leash him out back he stays close to the house. I feel like Farley is in the know. I'm paying close attention to his behavior.

My friends are returning for another bonfire next weekend. They are intrigued by the strangeness. Between now and then...I hope The Kid gets laid.
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Morphineus
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PostPosted: Sun, 27th Aug 2017 15:37    Post subject:
Is this some hillbilly trailer trash x-files short story you are writing or? Are You Serious


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The_Zeel




Posts: 14922

PostPosted: Sun, 27th Aug 2017 15:44    Post subject:
Jesus...

whether this is real or you are fucking with us, I do want you to keep posting it, as of now this is the Hump's best thread Laughing
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WhiteBarbarian




Posts: 6008
Location: Russia
PostPosted: Sun, 27th Aug 2017 16:05    Post subject:
The_Zeel wrote:
Jesus...

whether this is real or you are fucking with us, I do want you to keep posting it, as of now this is the Hump's best thread Laughing


+1

Very Happy


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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Wed, 30th Aug 2017 08:58    Post subject:
A little background on my situation for those that are curious.

I moved here from the Twin Cities this season. Purpose being I grew tired of city life and yearned for seclusion, privacy and nature.

The prior owner of this property ran an abused horse sanctuary. The house sits on five acres, littered with trees and is accompanied by a massive workshop. Next to the workshop is a gated horse pen. Out front is a gravel driveway leading to Pet Semetary road. Beyond the road is untouched wilderness. The boundary of the acres out back is the same...pristine forest.

I thought I'd start a thread about my life out here. What you read is what I am living. The only part I wish was fabricated is the leaking garage roof. I'm now dealing with an onset of black mold. It will cost me.

Believe it or not, these are my experiences in The Ozarks.
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HubU
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Posts: 11314

PostPosted: Wed, 30th Aug 2017 09:06    Post subject:
Then I figured it out:
You are haunted by the vengeful spirits of all the horses a german man called "Bob" savaged and milked for their precious, precious semen.
You have to find their bones and perform The Ritual. Then and ONLY THEN will they be at peace.


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Mon, 11th Sep 2017 08:42    Post subject:
For once the bonfire came and went without any strangeness. A pleasant night full of whiskey, weed and friends. The Kid brought his girl. I now understand why he was biking all those miles in the rain. She's a gem and she's into him. I'm happy for The Kid. It made me wish I was that young again. Everyone was at home. Everyone was at ease.

The following week brought more oddities.

Tuesday night, a night like any other. 10 pm rolls around and I'm on the deck destroying my lungs. I hear what I think are coyotes sounding off across Pet Sematary road. I hear them often after a kill. They sound close, right on the border of the forest. The sounds make me second guess myself. These are not coyotes. They sound like children laughing, mixed with a language I can't decipher. They sound like young kids. I hear laughing and something running on the fringe of the forest. It's on two feet. I can hear it clearly...two feet. At this moment the hair stood up on my neck and goosebumps covered my skin. I haven't been this freaked out in a long time. Not wanting to relinquish my man-card...I went inside to grab Farley and a flashlight. When I returned the sounds were gone. These were not coyotes.

The next morning I went out back to the garden. It's a 15 x 30 patch of mulch full of goodies. All eight of my cantaloupe were gone. They were the size of cannonballs. No skins, no leftovers, no tracks. They were just gone. I mowed the property that day and saw no sign of them. Come to think of it...I'm still looking for my bird feeder.

Thursday night. I'm on the deck puffing my worries away. It's a windless night and I hear the gate to the horse pen open. Chicken skin again. I muster the courage with the help of Farley and head straight out. I find the gate open but no signs of anything. Farley stopped to smell the area around the gate for a good minute. I see nothing out of the ordinary. I'm about to leave when I notice one of Farley's toys has gone missing. This is his play area. He has two rope toys and three orange tennis balls. One of the balls is gone.

Friday morning. I head to the pen to play with Prince Farls. I see the missing ball has been returned but in a different place than I left it. Farley wants nothing to do with this ball now.

Saturday. I've decided to join the local citizen's patrol. It's this county's idea of a neighborhood watch. They hold a meeting once a month. The upcoming one will be my first. Maybe I can find out if anyone else has noticed anything strange...without sounding like a crazy person. Maybe I'll hit them with everything I've experienced. I'm not sure yet.

Sunday. There is roadkill at the end of the driveway and I have chigger bites all over my legs. Business as usual.
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HubU
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PostPosted: Mon, 11th Sep 2017 14:54    Post subject:
Invest in some thermal cameras and spotlights. Try to capture that shit on tape!


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
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Rynath




Posts: 383
Location: Ozarks
PostPosted: Tue, 12th Sep 2017 07:05    Post subject:
HubU wrote:
Invest in some thermal cameras and spotlights. Try to capture that shit on tape!


My first thoughts were the same. Unfortunately, I'm pouring money into the garage at the moment among other things to keep this place going. Funds are tight. My end goal is a self sustaining homestead with little outside influence. I'm hoping the Citizen's Patrol meeting will shed some light on the situation, or at the very least offer some ideas. They may have equipment. People around here live for the outdoors.

As for now...the night is dark, creepy and strange. I've gone from intentional blackouts at night to plugging in every outside light I can find. It's a work in progress. I may upload some photos in the future to paint a better picture of the property.
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The_Zeel




Posts: 14922

PostPosted: Tue, 12th Sep 2017 09:55    Post subject:
I can imagine that the local village has some dark secret like an old cult or someting.
I guess you will find out more in the meeting, keep us posted and don't get sacrificed to Baal.
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HubU
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PostPosted: Tue, 12th Sep 2017 11:55    Post subject:
The_Zeel wrote:
and don't get sacrificed to Baal.


Laughing


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
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