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 Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 13:03 Post subject: Failed a friend |
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Lately feeling shit, a few colleagues which were a nice change of pace from hanging out with 19 year olds to guys being 25 to 27, that I never really spent time before, took notice, started forcing me out of the house and generaly trying to pick me up, and pretty quickly they dubbed me as their really close friend. Well, one of them has a problem with monogamy but he acknowledges it. Yesterday when we hung out after he had a small argument with his girlfriend, he made out with another girl. I promptly grabbed my shit, left, and texted him that I will handle shit he offered to help me with(quite a large shit, actually) alone, and that I despise him, which had something to do with me being on the cheated-side in the past and pretty much hating unfaithful people wholeheartedly. Now I feel like a complete shit because I can't shake the feeling that I failed him, and shit-smeared him, instead of actually doing something and having a talk with him. Pretty much feeling like I just alienated myself from the rest of the people that actually cared about me 
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 13:28 Post subject: |
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Had a lengthy drunk convo with a friend who was regularly cheating on his fiancee that was living 200+ km away. He somehow was under the impression it was ok for men to cheat. I don't know what had ridden me at that time but I asked him how he would've felt if his father was cheating on his mom.
He felt shitty and said he'll stop. To be honest I was just a drunk idiot for interfering with someone else's life choices. I don't know if he stopped it but they got married last year, so I hope they are happy.
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RatKing
Posts: 1212
Location: Nondescript cave in the land of the polar bears, Finland
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 13:37 Post subject: |
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I don't believe there's unfaithful people. There's just people and situations. Given the needed surroundings everyone will cheat eventually. Call me cynical but that's the way I see things based on my experiences. Monogamy is a man-made pipe dream.
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 13:52 Post subject: |
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@sabin: he didn't say that you will cheat, he says that in his opinion, everybody will eventually cheat given the circumstances. You don't have to agree with that 
GOD DAMMIT INZ! Thank god I was not drinking milk, else I would've blasted my screen xD
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 13:54 Post subject: |
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RatKing
Posts: 1212
Location: Nondescript cave in the land of the polar bears, Finland
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 14:12 Post subject: |
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| PumpAction wrote: | | @sabin: he didn't say that you will cheat, he says that in his opinion, everybody will eventually cheat given the circumstances. You don't have to agree with that |
Exactly. 
| sabin1981 wrote: | | I'll never cheat on my wife either. |
I've learned to avoid using absolute expressions like never. For example, you still have over half of your natural life span left. It's quite hard to predict where one is in 30 years.
Just to clarify, I'm not accusing anyone here. |
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 15:20 Post subject: |
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It's all about temptation and weakness, isn't it?
My ex was always very flirty with guys and my gut instinct told me she was a cheater. Of course, being younger and naive, you believe her when she gets angry at you for being jealous but yeah, she cheated TWICE. The first time was hard enough, the second time ... well let's say there was nowhere left to go.
The thing is, during my relationship, I took a class in graphic design and there was a girl there who was very much like me - a bit too much like me actually - and I was the only one in the entire class she'd talk to. She was cute, loved many of the same things and we had a lot of fun talking every day. She flirted with me despite having a boyfriend (who she was constantly complaining about because he was pretty much the average macho guy from the sound of it) and hated not being able to go to game conventions and stuff because her boyfriend thought games were life (mirror universe anyone?)
Long story short, we were both seriously tempted. This happened AFTER my ex had already cheated on me, and that actually made it harder because there's a part of you go that goes "well she did it to me, maybe I should let her feel what it's like" but in the end, it didn't feel right. I couldn't do it and actually took a distance which made the other girl sad and a bit resentful. I think she wanted to break up with her bf and hook up with me and after my ex cheated on me again, I wish I had broken it off ... but silly me and my principles.
Sadly enough, every relationship I've had since then, she ended up cheating. Oh, they all regret it, they all want to come back, etc. but it has become an iron rule: cheat once, by bye. No more exceptions. Seeing how nearly all my friends have been cheated on, I'm starting to see a pattern with Belgian girls 
Heck, an hour ago I went to the hairdresser and the ex of my best friend came in - she talked about her new boyfriend as if he was her pet rabbit or a rabbit. How he gained wait, how she's forcing him to eat his carrots, how she has to tell him off for coming home late, etc. No wonder I'm single with the kind of Flemish women we have here >.<.
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 17:18 Post subject: |
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I don't like cheaters, cheating and anything to do with it.
If you cheat while in relationship it just means that you aren't meant for relationship. There must be something really wrong in your relationship if you cheat. Lack of intimacy, not enough communication... something. And if you cannot resolve these issues and then you go cheat on your so, then you're a colossal douche in my book.
If you have the urge to cheat, then don't be in a relationship. Simple. Or be in an open relationship (I couldn't be in one, but that's me). Go and sleep with whomever you want and whenever you want. But don't cheat.
Especially if the other side has been faithful to you. Those kind of things leave a mark on a person. You can hurt someones self esteem and ability to trust, since that's one of the pillars of relationships. Trust.
If you want to cheat, better to break up with someone than to cheat imo...
"Quantum mechanics is actually, contrary to it's reputation, unbeliveably simple, once you take the physics out."
Scott Aaronson | chiv wrote: | | thats true you know. newton didnt discover gravity. the apple told him about it, and then he killed it. the core was never found. |
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fisk
Posts: 9145
Location: Von Oben
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 17:29 Post subject: |
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Cheating is basically all about lies.
People who treat people close to them so shitty they can't tell them the truth are never friends/loved ones in the first place.
If you love someone else, tell your partner first.
If you can't do that, never give off the illusion that you are relationship material.
I think your friend deserves what you gave him.
Yes, yes I'm back.
Somewhat.
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 22:08 Post subject: |
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Last edited by Yondaime on Mon, 2nd Dec 2024 15:38; edited 1 time in total
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Morphineus
VIP Member
Posts: 24883
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 22:42 Post subject: |
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| red_avatar wrote: | | Seeing how nearly all my friends have been cheated on, I'm starting to see a pattern with Belgian girls |
All depends on the type of girl really, I was very picky when it came to girls. Usually the club/party ones are trouble, had enough 'friends' whom were trying to cheat on their boyfriend because of some silly reason, tho same behaviour from the guys.
Never got cheated in Belgium, but never had that much relationships to begin with. |
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 22:50 Post subject: |
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If I ever feel like I absolutely have to cheat, it's probably time to get a divorce.
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| Posted: Fri, 14th Mar 2014 23:30 Post subject: |
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Maybe it's the girls you attract/meet and/or the places you meet them.
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| Posted: Sat, 15th Mar 2014 00:27 Post subject: |
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I have never been cheated on and I never cheated before. Both are facts, btw, very much information comes back to me from everyone, because I never tell them forward.
You see trust is earned once, and reearned every damn day. Relationships are based on trust, and cheating is the easy way out. Working through problems, that is difficult, but every relationship has problems, and to think, that moving on is always the best option is a fallacy.
I'm dating my current GF for five years now. The last two we had difficulties, because of my work hours mostly. Also due to the many work hours, I am now basically a 1%-er, and that makes you attractive to whole bunch of hot girls eagerly waiting to give you a blowjob for a little attention. Saying no has never been so hard for me. But each time I stay strong, the relationship strengthens as well.
I even cut back on office hours quite a lot to be with my GF, whom we still have some problems with. But that's the nature of things. Respect the things you have, be loyal and always respect the trust others put in you!
After what we've been through, I know I can depend on her. Woul I like a few things to be different about her? Sure. Would I occasionally enjoy some fresh pussy? Sure. But none of those are even close to being so worthy as to give up your best friend and love for.
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Morphineus
VIP Member
Posts: 24883
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Sat, 15th Mar 2014 02:08 Post subject: |
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| red_avatar wrote: |
Most girls here ARE club girls, that's the problem. Not to mention many of them smoke which I hate to put it lightly. Its rather sad but many of my friends are either single or in oppressive relationships where they had to give up their hobbies and friends. I'd rather be single then ... |
I know I know, I'm a Belgian after all But yeah I always preferred being single over having crap girlfriends (or be a crap boyfriend). Which resulted in me having a few long lasting relationships and sometimes a year or 2 being single.
If you can't be yourself in a relationship it's just not worth it. But sadly a lot of people can't deal with being alone. At least the people I knew/friends had a hard time dealing with being single and constantly questioned me during the times I was single why I wasn't bothered with it. |
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spankie
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Posts: 2958
Location: Belgium
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| Posted: Sun, 16th Mar 2014 01:52 Post subject: |
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| red_avatar wrote: | | MORPHINEUS wrote: | | red_avatar wrote: | | Seeing how nearly all my friends have been cheated on, I'm starting to see a pattern with Belgian girls |
All depends on the type of girl really, I was very picky when it came to girls. Usually the club/party ones are trouble, had enough 'friends' whom were trying to cheat on their boyfriend because of some silly reason, tho same behaviour from the guys.
Never got cheated in Belgium, but never had that much relationships to begin with. |
Most girls here ARE club girls, that's the problem. Not to mention many of them smoke which I hate to put it lightly. Its rather sad but many of my friends are either single or in oppressive relationships where they had to give up their hobbies and friends. I'd rather be single then ... |
well, the problem is that most girls in belgium are 1) arrogant snobby bitches with loads of 'pet forcing' behaviour like you described 2) shy or introvert or 3) clubby shitfaced cheating animals
1) is easy to meet, but crappy to keep, does not cheat
2) hard to meet, good to keep
3) easy to meet in clubs, crap to keeo, does cheat
Try hard finding a type 2
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Morphineus
VIP Member
Posts: 24883
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Sun, 16th Mar 2014 02:35 Post subject: |
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That's the ones I usually went for, introvert myself so xD
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| Posted: Sun, 16th Mar 2014 05:39 Post subject: |
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| fisk wrote: | Cheating is basically all about lies.
People who treat people close to them so shitty they can't tell them the truth are never friends/loved ones in the first place.
If you love someone else, tell your partner first.
If you can't do that, never give off the illusion that you are relationship material.
I think your friend deserves what you gave him. |
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| Posted: Sun, 16th Mar 2014 08:58 Post subject: |
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I couldn't care less if any of my friends cheated on their girlfriends. Its not my problem. If asked about advice i'd tell them how i feel about the issue and i ain't be doing much covering up if they wanted me to, but going so far as to despise them is blowing things out of proportion. Talk about taking some imaginary moral highground...
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) by saying "everyone does it"
