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Sin317
Banned
Posts: 24322
Location: Geneva
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 Posted: Mon, 16th Jan 2012 18:46 Post subject: Working on a script |
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since i am very bored and really have nothing better to do, i thought i give writing a script/plot a try lol.
I'll add more over time, feel free to discuss/criticise if you want 
| Code: |
PLOT:
About a man (Danny) who kills himself, making it look like murder, in order to get revenge on his ex best friend (Thomas) for cheating on him with his wife (Liz).
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Danny and Thomas are best friends since childhood. Same schools, same careers, same life more or less.
Danny is married to their highschool sweetheart, with whom both had a relation, but Danny isnt aware that Thomas had one too.
Thomas and Liz never ceased to have a romantic affair, despite Danny being married to her. This goes on for years and years.
Liz becomes pregnant, Danny of course assumes its his child, Thomas thinks it may be his.
Liz secretly takes a DNA test and discovers Thomas is indeed the father.
Danny, who has become increasingly suspicious about Liz maybe cheating on her (but no idea with whom of course) also takes a dna test and discovers he is not the father.
Danny, his suspicions now confirmed, starts surveilling Liz. He eventually figures/finds out, that she is having an affair with Thomas.
Meanwhile, Liz is thinking about leaving Danny for Thomas, divorcing him.
Danny, having become extremely bitter and frustrated, slacks off more and more at work, until one day he explodes and gets fired.
The next day, Liz confesses to him about the child and that she wants a divorce.
Danny plays along, but is now filled with rage and lust for revenge.
Starts to plan out his scheme, of making his suicide look like murder, so both of them get convicted.
Danny looking for a way to kill himself, so it looks like murder.
Mixing some sort of poison into his medicine, making it look like someone tampered with it.
Danny now has to link Liz and Thomas to the "Crime".
tbc
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chiv
Posts: 27530
Location: Behind You...
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| Posted: Mon, 16th Jan 2012 19:09 Post subject: |
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i think theres gotta be something more to it, if you're going to stretch this out into a movie-length story
like perhaps the wife also believes that hes done it, so hes trying to prove to her that hes innocent? so thomas is trying to win her back while trying to prove he didnt do it?
or if this is a revenge story, perhaps even better - change the story so that thomas actually still IS dannys friend, and feels really bad about whats happened between then, and his ex wife still kinda loves him, and then create a scenario where danny kills himself then makes it look like either one of the two could have done it, so that thomas and liz suspect each other and try to prove the other did it? the revenge in this case isnt that one goes to prison for the murder, but instead that the two realise how much danny meant to them and actually turn on each other thinking the other person killed danny?
its your story, just throwing around some ideas for you to work with?
the thing i dont like about the story - and this is just personal preference - is that danny is dead, and the two remaining people are both assholes that i cant really root for or care about... and theres no crime they are guilty of, for some 'hero' cop character to solve... thats juss me though.
or am i misunderstanding, and the bulk of the story is actually the set-up for the death?
Last edited by chiv on Mon, 16th Jan 2012 19:12; edited 1 time in total
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Sin317
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Location: Geneva
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chiv
Posts: 27530
Location: Behind You...
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| Posted: Mon, 16th Jan 2012 19:13 Post subject: |
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its cool, im not pissing on it, just throwing around some ideas for you, and some things to maybe think about 
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| Posted: Mon, 16th Jan 2012 20:20 Post subject: |
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how many zombies will this have
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Hierofan
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Location: Internets
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| Posted: Mon, 16th Jan 2012 21:30 Post subject: |
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Weak plot. Better write it like a drama with some nice character or else you are doomed.
I started writing a book a few years back about a homeless dude that was really lonely with intertwining flashbacks to the main narrative to attach the present to some objects he got in the past, i also was telling the story how he got there. There was also something about people who may act demented ( i wrote about a character that the rest of bums know as the professor and how everybody had their own story about him , while he acted like a loon most of the times, when he interacts with the main character he is very polite and calculated) Tried not to give anyone any names in the book. That was kind of a bitch.
Wrote 30 pages then gave up . Could finish it...alas i suck at writing.
Also wrote a short synopsis for something about being manipulated and what is freedom of choice really? Think the game and the most dangerous game wrapped in a multiple character driven plot. Each character had it's own kind of narrative. Depending how they perceived an event. Faith - Manipulation - Paranoia
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Doh!
Posts: 1361
Location: Wellhigh DK
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 00:26 Post subject: |
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Make some twists or something? Will the viewer know he is setting them up from the start? If the viewer is sitting there quessing what really happend, it could be fun.
You could shyamaladingdong it with a surprise ending where the protagonist is commiting suicide only to finally grasp that she was never unfaithfull and then die of course.
I like my movies as I like my coffee.
There are two kinds of people I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 00:36 Post subject: |
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With a rat a the bottom of your cup. You know, surprise and all 
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 03:46 Post subject: |
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i worked on a couple scripts 
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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Doh!
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Location: Wellhigh DK
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chiv
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 05:59 Post subject: |
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oh hey heres an idea. what if the guy is planning on setting up thomas, and as hes finished his plan, liz ACTUALLY kills him... so its kinda like the cops are trying to catch tom, while tom is trying to find out who actually did it.
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tonizito
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Location: Portugal, the shithole of Europe.
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 09:55 Post subject: |
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I tried keeping up a diary when I was a kid... failed miserably.
| boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote: | | i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then |
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garus
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 10:16 Post subject: |
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snip
Last edited by garus on Tue, 27th Aug 2024 21:25; edited 1 time in total
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Sin317
Banned
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Location: Geneva
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 13:17 Post subject: |
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| garus wrote: | | Also transforming robots. Don't forget about transforming robots. |
oh dont worry, 95% of my movie will be CGI, explosions, robots.
obviously ^^
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chiv
Posts: 27530
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 13:30 Post subject: |
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can thomas also be a secret agent?
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Saner
Posts: 6877
Location: Uk
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 13:35 Post subject: |
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Think small, and see how it goes.
Work out the basic idea's for your story, heck go with the poison in some med's to start with, you will end up churning out a few drafts anyway, so you can revise it and play with the idea later on.
If you turn out a 30page story or a 300 page epic, don't worry its going to get larger as you play with it and tweak dialogue, it may end up being crap but remember to write for yourself, not what others want.
It could end up going the other way, where you think its a pile of shite but others love it!
I find it easier to spend a set amount of time a day, and when you get the dreaded writers block (as you will do) change the project and work on something else. DONT GIVE UP!, you may just be writing crap on the second idea, but dont stop.
Just remember to revise, revise and then revise again. You can usually see progress in each and every draft.
I have read and written some crap over the years, and I can not stress enough how important it is to keep on revising the script (story) until a point where you are happy with it, if something feels off to you then anyone else reading it is going to notice it straight away. Especially if you are doing something complex. Imagine if you get confused by your own story, how somebody if going to feel when they have no idea what you are aiming for!
Anyway, some stuff here you may find interesting - http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/
The software here is free and superb - http://celtx.com/index.html
Anyway, some advice you can take or disregard from an aspiring writer, take it as you see fit.
| ragnarus wrote: |
I saw things like that in here and in other "woman problems" topics so...... Am I the only one that thinks some authorities needs to be alerted about Saner and him possibly being a rapist and/or kidnapper ? |
Saner is not being serious. Unless its the subject of Santa!
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chiv
Posts: 27530
Location: Behind You...
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 13:54 Post subject: |
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i didnt actually read what he said, but i agree completely with saner. story definately needs zombies.
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Saner
Posts: 6877
Location: Uk
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 13:55 Post subject: |
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and boobies.
| ragnarus wrote: |
I saw things like that in here and in other "woman problems" topics so...... Am I the only one that thinks some authorities needs to be alerted about Saner and him possibly being a rapist and/or kidnapper ? |
Saner is not being serious. Unless its the subject of Santa!
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zipfero
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Sin317
Banned
Posts: 24322
Location: Geneva
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 22:32 Post subject: |
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thanks everyone for the pointers ^^.
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chiv
Posts: 27530
Location: Behind You...
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 23:19 Post subject: |
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isnt it sexual harassment to call boobies 'pointers'?
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chiv
Posts: 27530
Location: Behind You...
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 23:27 Post subject: |
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but seriously - just now actually read your edit at the top about how you want the movie to unfold, and the difficulty being in how youll write the setup.
perhaps you could have danny doing research on how to kill himself, looking at poisons, or 'how to kill yourself' sites on the internet, and there could be something in there where he almost gets caught.. he researches how to cover his tracks (deleting all his searched shit off his computer, wearing protective gear, removing fingerprints from surfaces, etc) and then another part of the story can be how he collects evidence to plant, from liz and thomas... almost getting caught, perhaps he forgets to remove some evidence that he was in their house and has to sneak in...
heres an idea... have you thought about turning this into a comedy or black comedy? it could actually work really well..
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LeoNatan
☢ NFOHump Despot ☢
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Location: Ramat HaSharon, Israel 🇮🇱
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 23:31 Post subject: |
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 23:57 Post subject: |
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@Nhiumewyn that sounds pretty fucking gay imo... worse than twilight.
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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tonizito
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Location: Portugal, the shithole of Europe.
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| Posted: Tue, 17th Jan 2012 23:59 Post subject: |
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| Nhiumewyn wrote: | | What about this idea I've been having, the story of an indestructible ring that can control the will of another 19 slave rings and their owners, and the quest of a innocent person that has been dealt the task of taking this ring into the only place it can be destroyed, while being corrupted by it's evil and losing his innocence in the process. |
Losing his innocence... and there's a "ring"( ) that's somehow involved with that... 
| boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote: | | i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then |
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| Posted: Wed, 18th Jan 2012 00:02 Post subject: |
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| WaldoJ wrote: | | @Nhiumewyn that sounds pretty fucking gay imo... worse than twilight. |
Nothing can be worse than Twilight.
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chiv
Posts: 27530
Location: Behind You...
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| Posted: Wed, 18th Jan 2012 00:03 Post subject: |
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yeah a cockring. and a guy named BIG AL is after it. and him.
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| Posted: Wed, 18th Jan 2012 00:13 Post subject: |
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just put in alot of CGI action scenes to make up for the plot holes.
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