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 Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 18:50 Post subject: Am I a bad person? |
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So I suppose half of you are just gonna say "yes" on principle and the other half is gonna throw in some random memes and or a mentioning of King's Bounty.
But I don't care, so meh to that.
Anyway.
Why I'm asking:
It's been nearly four years since my ex-gf dumped me. Out of the blue without any signs or anything whatsoever. Really hit me hard back then - hard as in 'I need to see a psychiatrist because I'm depressed' hard - but I got over it and we're pretty good friends by now (which my current gf has no problems with, thank god).
Now in the time after our break up she had three or four boyfriends. None of these relationships lasted longer than 4 months.
And now here's the point. Everytime she tells me one of her relationships failed a little evil, creepy smile sneaks upon my face.
I don't (consciously that is) blame her or still despise her for how she kicked me in the nuts with a steel toe cap boot.
But apparently unconsciously I still have some issues.
I don't like this hidden feeling of schadenfreude (why the english decided to take THIS word from the german language I'll never understand) but I can't say I feel bad because it's there.
Ok, on to the actual question.
Does this recurring unconscious feeling of malicious joy regarding her failed relationships make me a bad person?
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TSR69
Banned
Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 18:53 Post subject: |
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Since you are aware of it and feel bad about it I would say no, but couldn't hurt to try to get rid of the negative feelings you still have for her.
Formerly known as iconized
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tonizito
VIP Member
Posts: 51402
Location: Portugal, the shithole of Europe.
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 18:55 Post subject: |
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Nope.
| boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote: | | i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then |
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 19:01 Post subject: |
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ixigia
[Moderator] Consigliere
Posts: 65079
Location: Italy
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 19:03 Post subject: |
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It's a completely natural reaction, I really don't see anything bad or evil in that 
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zipfero
Posts: 8938
Location: White Shaft
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 19:17 Post subject: |
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Fuck her in the butt.
... and no, you're not a bad person. It's completely natural and you are, being the jilted party, allowed a sense of smug satisfaction each time her new boyfriends kick her ass to the curb.
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 19:45 Post subject: |
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You're probably the anti-christ.
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arw
Posts: 1281
Location: Barry - Wales - (UK)
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 19:54 Post subject: |
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Nope
As all great minds have already said: fhitb
"Quantum mechanics is actually, contrary to it's reputation, unbeliveably simple, once you take the physics out."
Scott Aaronson | chiv wrote: | | thats true you know. newton didnt discover gravity. the apple told him about it, and then he killed it. the core was never found. |
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 20:03 Post subject: |
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Nope but why do you have any feelings at all? You just sound a little butthurt 
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Werelds
Special Little Man
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 21:06 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 21:10 Post subject: |
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sausje
Banned
Posts: 17716
Location: Limboland, Netherlands
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 21:19 Post subject: |
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Dude that doesn't make you a bad person, that's what makes you a man!
Anyway, my personal opinion about this: Fuck her, by hearing from this shes not worthy of you.
She dumped you and had 4 others in the meanwhile, this clearly means that she doesn't give a fuck about you anymore and only uses you for moments that she wants.
That is the sole reason why she would tell you even about those relationships, to keep you at bay, as a reserve.
For now make use of that, but be active on the lookout for another girl. See her as an "extra thing" you have going and not as gf or ex-gf anymore.
Proud member of Frustrated Association of International Losers Failing Against the Gifted and Superior (F.A.I.L.F.A.G.S)
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Lutzifer
Modzilla
Posts: 12740
Location: ____________________ **** vegan zombie **** GRRAAIIINNSS _______
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 21:31 Post subject: |
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answer to first question: No, it makes you a person who still harbours feelings for your ex-gf and someone who still has unhealed wounds / vulnerabilities. Makes you perfectly normal, i d say.
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Bigperm
Posts: 1908
Location: Alberta,Canada
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 21:48 Post subject: |
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| ixigia wrote: | | It's a completely natural reaction, I really don't see anything bad or evil in that |
+1
| Jenni wrote: | | I drunk. I don't fucking care! |
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Hierofan
Banned
Posts: 3807
Location: Internets
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 22:07 Post subject: |
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Oh you're going to hell boy ..
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| Posted: Fri, 24th Jun 2011 22:21 Post subject: |
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No. It makes you honest for admitting it and makes you a decent person for actually looking at where those true feeling are coming from. You are aware of it and it doesn't sound like you are acting on those mild evil feeling. I would say you are better then normal.
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Frant
King's Bounty
Posts: 24636
Location: Your Mom
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| Posted: Sat, 25th Jun 2011 01:51 Post subject: |
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No. She hurt the bejeezus out of you, and emotional scars can stick with you for a long time (many years) even if you have no problem with the person itself.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!
"The sky was the color of a TV tuned to a dead station" - Neuromancer
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| Posted: Sat, 25th Jun 2011 09:09 Post subject: |
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You guys are making such a big deal outta being dumped with the emotional scaring and questioning her morality. So much drama...
Dumped is dumped for whatever reason. Not like he is married and she ran off with other guy and cleaned out the bank account.... That is something really bad.
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garus
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| Posted: Sat, 25th Jun 2011 13:18 Post subject: |
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snip
Last edited by garus on Tue, 27th Aug 2024 21:56; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Sat, 25th Jun 2011 17:32 Post subject: |
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just asking yourself the question, means your prety much like the rest of us, neither good or bad, just trying to struggle through and make sense of it all.
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| Posted: Sat, 25th Jun 2011 18:04 Post subject: |
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Conversations and observations throughout my life, then of course there's the ratio of responses in this very thread; Every male = understanding the pain of being dumped. The solitary female response = Stating it's not a big deal and understating the emotional impact.
=)
Also please don't take this as a disparagement against Pistol. I happen to think very highly of her, I just thought her post was indicative of the general response and attitude I've seen/experienced in my life when it comes to dumper/dumpee.
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| Posted: Sat, 25th Jun 2011 23:14 Post subject: |
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I would wager that it is just as painful for men AND women alike. In a relationship the person who is dumped always feels like shit. I have seen many women devastated by breakups. Not just men, it is BOTH. I have relationships with assholes, some major mental abuse there. Been dumped by men when I thought the relationship was going perfect. I taken a good look over the years at myself and at the thinking (expectations and beliefs) that got me into problems. I had/have a huge fear of rejection and that is my shit to deal with, no anyone elses. I don't personalize it as a failure anymore. Try to learn and move on, not make the same mistakes and not hold on to resentments.
You know where I think the real pain in relationships that go south are? It is when it involves 2 people who have built their lives together over time and the breakup impacts families. Extended and immediate. When there are kids involved.
Anyway this is where my 'get over it' attitude comes from concerning a boygirl/girlfriend relationship, where there is no formal commitment, or children. In the scheme of things there is a far worse hurt out there, although at the time when the breakup is fresh it is very hard to see.
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| Posted: Sat, 25th Jun 2011 23:19 Post subject: |
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With me it's the exact opposite, for the most part. I've seen far more of my male friends, and family, absolutely devastated when their partner dumps them - only to run out jump into the arms of another guy within days/weeks. I wasn't being deliberately sexist, so I apologise if I came off that way, I was just speaking from my own perspective and experience.
I do agree that the worst situations involve children, absolutely.
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around when she gets dumped.
