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 Posted: Sun, 6th Jul 2008 11:49 Post subject: Mothers and girlfriends! |
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Okay, this topic is one I am sure many of you will have something to bitch about, just starting this topic cuz today is gonna be the first time my girlfriend is meeting my mother. I already know I am gonna hate my mother after today, its allways the same shit, she allways finds shit wrong with people and starts bitching about it, there can be 1000 good things about my girl, but she will only start bitching about the bad stuff. And today won't be any different:)
What are your experiences, I'd love to hear them:)
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CaptainCox
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Posts: 6823
Location: A Swede in Germany (FaM)
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| Posted: Sun, 6th Jul 2008 12:45 Post subject: |
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Never had that kind of probs. My mom always left me alone when it came to girls, she sometimes had a talk to me when I was down if they broke up or something, but that was only supportive.
Me and the Mrs have a similar attitude towards my son (now 15 years old and deeply in love with his 1st real gfriend) As long as he don't fuke up (the Mrs had a talk with him about that, i am to shy to talk about stuff like that).
He can date whoever he wants, that's his decision. Well so far he has not dragged home some bitch swearing goth punk...so far 
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Phluxed
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Posts: 4911
Location: Oakville, Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Sun, 6th Jul 2008 13:42 Post subject: |
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My first girlfriend (ages 13-17) my mom loved. They'd go get coffee together, shopping and such. My mom was devestated when we split up. They got along great. Lots of things in common and they had fun hanging out.
I had a fuck buddy my mom thought I was in love with from 17-19 and my mom hated her. She would nitpick all the time.
My last girlfriend (fiance) 19-21.5 my mom started off loving. She kept looking for ways to relate to her, and my ex the same. My ex moved in with us and... well... shit hit the fan. My mom despised the both of us and not until she moved out did my mom apologize for the first time and she did a lot of dumb shit.
My mom and I aren't close at all. She tries to be from time to time, but its pretty forced, especially in the female department. That being said, the girl I think I've ACTUALLY been in love with for the last 8 years and constantly denied it (all my girlfriends hated her because of how high up I held her), my mother is all for me moving to be with her or getting her to move here ( she lives across the country kind of deal)...
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| Posted: Sun, 6th Jul 2008 14:05 Post subject: |
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Mmmm seems my mom really is a whiny bitch then cuz not one girlfriend she liked, she disliked my brothers girlfriend, she also keeps whining about my other brothers girlfriend, shit just drives me crazy. You can count your lucky stars you have a nice mother then, its not like she has to live with my girlfriend. Just thought that many mothers were like that, seems I was wrong:(
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_SiN_
Megatron
Posts: 12108
Location: Cybertron
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| Posted: Sun, 6th Jul 2008 14:30 Post subject: |
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Grrrrrrrrr, am I the only one with a crazy mom????
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$en$i
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Posts: 3127
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| Posted: Sun, 6th Jul 2008 14:53 Post subject: |
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| CaptainCox wrote: | | Never had that kind of probs. |
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Sun, 6th Jul 2008 16:09 Post subject: |
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My mother is a very accepting person and very kind hearted. She would help a strangers (well friends of friends) stay with us if they had no place to go. She never was against any of my relationships or any of my siblings.
However the same can't be said about my father. To this day my father still treats my wife like shit. They always end of arguing and screaming at each other over the smallest of fucking things. Its strange because my wife certainly isn't anywhere near that bad and hes never treated any former relationship of mine or my siblings in that manner before.
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 01:43 Post subject: |
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Mmmm my mom met her today, and for the first time she didn't bitch about her, she even said it was like she had known her her entire life? WTF:LOL:
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 01:47 Post subject: |
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| Pfiemelcheese wrote: | | Mmmm my mom met her today, and for the first time she didn't bitch about her, she even said it was like she had known her her entire life? WTF:LOL: |
Thats a hint that your mother wants to see you settle down, marry, and give her grandchildren. I'm not kidding...
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 01:56 Post subject: |
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Could be yes, I am on that particular age, wouldn't mind at all if everything keeps going smooth with her:)
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 02:22 Post subject: |
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If your mother approves then the chances are shes good for you. Your mother knows you better than anyone in the world man.
troll detected by SiN
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 02:33 Post subject: |
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| Pfiemelcheese wrote: | | Could be yes, I am on that particular age, wouldn't mind at all if everything keeps going smooth with her:) |
Thats great to hear.
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 05:03 Post subject: |
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I have a lot of experience in that dept.
There were 2 brothers. She always hated the oldests girllfriends (then finally the wife of the oldest brother) Then he was killed. So she turned on the only youngest son and me. It became, "my son changed when he met you" and "I lost my son to you" . When I said "maybe you gained a daugher" she became very upset.
I used to be the favorite too. But after, the death of her older son she needed some other woman to hate and blame and that person became me after all those years. I did a lot too. My fatherinlaw had a brain turmor the size of a orange removed. We)thought he was going to die but he didn't. When he got better and she felt more secure that he was ok she turned completely on me , she said thanks to her son for his 2 days of 'help'. Big insult, (no thanks for me, even tho she cried in my arms so many times I lost count) Biggest insule of my life.
Oh and she thought I was ugly too. She went on and on about it. Never mind her going through my fridge and cupboards when she came over to find things she thought I should not be buying. She hated my clothes too.
No matters tho because it was the right thing to do.
My advice is just know that is the kind of person your mom is. Don't expect anything in return and just do what is right. It is heartbreaking but it sounds like she will never except your girlfriend no matter how great she is.
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 05:17 Post subject: |
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| pistolshrimp wrote: | I have a lot of experience in that dept.
There were 2 brothers. She always hated the oldests girllfriends (then finally the wife of the oldest brother) Then he was killed. So she turned on the only youngest son and me. It became, "my son changed when he met you" and "I lost my son to you" . When I said "maybe you gained a daugher" she became very upset.
I used to be the favorite too. But after, the death of her older son she needed some other woman to hate and blame and that person became me after all those years. I did a lot too. My fatherinlaw had a brain turmor the size of a orange removed. We)thought he was going to die but he didn't. When he got better and she felt more secure that he was ok she turned completely on me , she said thanks to her son for his 2 days of 'help'. Big insult, (no thanks for me, even tho she cried in my arms so many times I lost count) Biggest insule of my life.
Oh and she thought I was ugly too. She went on and on about it. Never mind her going through my fridge and cupboards when she came over to find things she thought I should not be buying. She hated my clothes too.
No matters tho because it was the right thing to do.
My advice is just know that is the kind of person your mom is. Don't expect anything in return and just do what is right. It is heartbreaking but it sounds like she will never except your girlfriend no matter how great she is. |
You story actually just seems to be a mental breakdown and a developing mental illness. I highly advise you get your motherinlaw some mental help before it gets worse.
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 05:39 Post subject: |
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Nuclear
You can't get help for people that refuse to admit they have a problem. In her mind she is 110% right and I am wrong (so is everybody else for that matter).Her doctor told her she needed some medication but she refused. Doesn't believe in it.
Now that I have distanced myself I see that she has this problem with her friends as well. Her best friend son is getting married and they didn't invite them to their wedding. She was so mad that she has cut off all ties with them and are now selling their holiday home because of it. Really, she was looking for an excuse to sell and that was it.
She isn't going through a breakdown. I think this just happens to people when they get older and into their 70's if they already have a problem. Their personality becomes even stronger to the point where they push everyone away from them.
I try to help, suggest things so lightly but all I get is that I am stupid, I am too young to have the experience. I know nothing. She down talks to me. She doesn't believe in councelors but she watches Dr.Phil, Opera and Dr, Laura (radio show) Because she thinks she is their equal.
I gave up.
On a bigger note:
Pfiemelcheese Take this as an example of how nasty things can get. She may like your girlfriend now but that can change. I wish both of you all the best of luck. My mother-in-law would be saying right now "luck is for suckers"
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 07:25 Post subject: |
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Don't think it will get as bad as you Nuke, you kinda took the cake with your story eheheh, sorry to hear about your hassles BTW. From now on I am just warning my mom that if she steps in too hard that she will probably lose me entirely, cuz my life is my life and the people I meet are the people I want to meet, if I make the wrong choice then its my perogative and responsibility, she can't keep mothering me all the time(eventhough she's done it all her life).
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 07:35 Post subject: |
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| Pfiemelcheese wrote: | | Don't think it will get as bad as you Nuke, you kinda took the cake with your story eheheh, sorry to hear about your hassles BTW. From now on I am just warning my mom that if she steps in too hard that she will probably lose me entirely, cuz my life is my life and the people I meet are the people I want to meet, if I make the wrong choice then its my perogative and responsibility, she can't keep mothering me all the time(eventhough she's done it all her life). |
I think you meant me!!! Pistolshrimp  Not Nuke.
Regardless, I think what you said is the best thing to do. Looking back I wish that was what my husband said , but no fault on him. We were both on 'damage control'. I hope you situation won't ever get as bad as mine did but I am sure it will get tense at times. Just remember that your mom is prob a really good person who is trying to do the best she can, just sometimes her brain isn't in the right place. ....and life goes on.
Last edited by pistolshrimp on Mon, 7th Jul 2008 07:37; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 07:37 Post subject: |
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I have to say it's unacceptable to have any family members treat your spouse poorly. Something should be said, allowing it to happen is extremely disrespectful to the spouse.
Whenever a friend or family disrespects the spouse they are also disrespecting you, that
should never be tolerated.
Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, but to weigh and consider.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
In all your remembering, remember that you have choices
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 07:44 Post subject: |
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| Martian123 wrote: | I have to say it's unacceptable to have any family members treat your spouse poorly. Something should be said, allowing it to happen is extremely disrespectful to the spouse.
Whenever a friend or family disrespects the spouse they are also disrespecting you, that
should never be tolerated. |
In an ideal situation, Yes your family would get along and your motherinlaw would tolerate your wife or girlfriend but that is not often what happens IRL.
For the average person one can not cut out their family everytime they have a new girlfriend or boyfriend if they have a controling parent. Esp when people are young. There are lots of loves and break-ups.
I am prob. immune to respect of the inlaws. by now.
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 07:48 Post subject: |
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| pistolshrimp wrote: | | Martian123 wrote: | I have to say it's unacceptable to have any family members treat your spouse poorly. Something should be said, allowing it to happen is extremely disrespectful to the spouse.
Whenever a friend or family disrespects the spouse they are also disrespecting you, that
should never be tolerated. |
In an ideal situation, Yes your family would get along and your motherinlaw would tolerate your wife or girlfriend but that is not often what happens IRL.
For the average person one can not cut out their family everytime they have a new girlfriend or boyfriend if they have a controling parent. Esp when people are young. There are lots of loves and break-ups.
I am prob. immune to respect of the inlaws. by now. |
I have to say that people should be striving for the ideal situation. I seldomely allow people to disrespect me. If my family did disrespect my spouse they would be disrespecting me. I would tell them straight out that they are not required to like
anyone, but they are required to show them dignity and respect.
Life is not ideal because people just give up. We have the power to make our lives better, sometimes that means cutting people out of your life. Sometimes that means
making different choices. Unacceptable behaviour becomes acceptable when it's tolerated.
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 08:00 Post subject: |
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| pistolshrimp wrote: | | Martian123 wrote: | | pistolshrimp wrote: |
In an ideal situation, Yes your family would get along and your motherinlaw would tolerate your wife or girlfriend but that is not often what happens IRL.
For the average person one can not cut out their family everytime they have a new girlfriend or boyfriend if they have a controling parent. Esp when people are young. There are lots of loves and break-ups
I am prob. immune to respect of the inlaws. by now. |
How many of them can walk away from their families.
I have to say that people should be striving for the ideal situation. I seldomely allow people to disrespect me. If my family did disrespect my spouse they would be disrespecting me. I would tell them straight out that they are not required to like
anyone, but they are required to show them dignity and respect.
Life is not ideal because people just give up. We have the power to make our lives better, sometimes that means cutting people out of your life. Sometimes that means
making different choices. Unacceptable behaviour becomes acceptable when it's tolerated. |
Is that what you tell your clients? 
How many of them can walk away from their families, never mind the abused ones. I don't mean to sound like a bitch. |
I actually do, just not quite like that.
If someone is being abused in any way I do tell them to get into a better situation.
People have difficult choices to make, the real issue isn't actually that people can't walk away from families, the real issue is familiarity! At least where they are now they know what to expect, good or bad they know it for a fact. Making the descision to get out means the unknown, you can't say what will happen anymore, will it be better? Will it be worse? Scary stuff for someone who's confidence is broken.
You don't sound like a bitch.
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nouseforaname
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Location: Toronto, Canada
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Phluxed
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Posts: 4911
Location: Oakville, Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 12:45 Post subject: |
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| Martian123 wrote: | I have to say it's unacceptable to have any family members treat your spouse poorly. Something should be said, allowing it to happen is extremely disrespectful to the spouse.
Whenever a friend or family disrespects the spouse they are also disrespecting you, that
should never be tolerated. |
I completely agree. I always gave my mother shit whenever she gave my ex's shit. I completely agree with you there.
I don't ever remember doing it for the wrong reasons either, at least to me. If I had of done it so that my partner didn't give ME shit, I think it would've been wrong. I did it because I had made the decision to be with that person, and my mother should trust my judgment. Predisposed actions that my mother would have towards partners after my first were just awful and so trite; Could she have been more cliche? |
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 13:27 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Jul 2008 22:03 Post subject: Re: Mothers and girlfriends! |
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| Pfiemelcheese wrote: | Okay, this topic is one I am sure many of you will have something to bitch about, just starting this topic cuz today is gonna be the first time my girlfriend is meeting my mother. I already know I am gonna hate my mother after today, its allways the same shit, she allways finds shit wrong with people and starts bitching about it, there can be 1000 good things about my girl, but she will only start bitching about the bad stuff. And today won't be any different:)
What are your experiences, I'd love to hear them:) |
Just be thankfull to complain about such things... and love both for those moments...
Some... like i did... lost their mother on low age and would give a lot to have a "hate your mother because she did this and this " moment.
For the rest ... on ear in .. other ear out... guess mothers will allways want to make sure that you will get the best of the best.
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I always had a protective mother. But when my parents split up I didnt see my mum for a long time, and when I split with my GF and she found out about it she was pleased. Although I was too, it was annoying she didnt tell me her true thoughts whilst we where together. She said *good riddance she was a barbie and a bunny boiler* so there you go.
