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 Posted: Fri, 21st Apr 2006 20:32 Post subject: |
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| nouseforaname wrote: | | Quote: | Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!" |
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deelix
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Esel_Gesi
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| Posted: Fri, 21st Apr 2006 22:28 Post subject: |
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thats a damn good one nouse.
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| Posted: Fri, 21st Apr 2006 23:06 Post subject: |
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Some nice jokes in here,too bad they're a bit too "vulgar", don't think teacher is going to like it 
But I had a good laugh! nouse, yours is really great , had me rolling on the floor.
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nouseforaname
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Posts: 21306
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sat, 22nd Apr 2006 04:11 Post subject: |
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hehehe nice ones Injurious and nouseforaname
"There are no innocent victims. If you're born on this planet, you are guilty, fuck you, end of report, next case, NEXT FUCKING CASE! Your birth certificate is proof of guilt!" - George Carlin
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 04:02 Post subject: |
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So which one did you use?
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 15:58 Post subject: |
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It was moved from today to next week  .
So I haven't really decided yet.
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sTo0z
[Moderator] Babysitter
Posts: 7449
Location: USA
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 16:41 Post subject: |
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Q. Why don't you see any Mexicans on Star Trek?
A. They don't work in the future either.
Q. What's the difference between a Jewish person and a canoe?
A. A canoe will eventually tip.
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Bigperm
Posts: 1908
Location: Alberta,Canada
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 20:14 Post subject: |
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What do you do with a dog with no arms or legs?
Take it for a drag.
What do you call a dog with no back legs and steel balls?
Sparky.
A penguin takes his car to the mechanic. While is being fixed the penguin decides to get some ice cream becasue its so hot out. He Quickly eats the icecream, so fast that he gets it all over his face.
Then runs back to the mechanic.
Mechanics says "Hey, it looks like you blew a seal"
Penguin "What?....no no no..its ice cream"
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 20:23 Post subject: |
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Those dog jokes are not funny at all, they are cruel. You should be beaten for saying things like that.
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Mutantius
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 20:54 Post subject: |
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Yes, a minority can stab your ass. A dog cant.
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Mutantius
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Bigperm
Posts: 1908
Location: Alberta,Canada
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fraich3
Posts: 2907
Location: Not from my mouth!
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 22:12 Post subject: |
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Mutantius
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Location: In Elektro looking for beans
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nouseforaname
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 22:23 Post subject: |
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Kirkblitz, most whites are murdered by whites so fuck off...
remember?
| Quote: | | According to a 1997 Department of Justice report, 94 percent of black murder victims, as well as 85 percent of white murder victims, were slain by members of their own race. |
asus z170-A || core i5-6600K || geforce gtx 970 4gb || 16gb ddr4 ram || win10 || 1080p led samsung 27"
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sTo0z
[Moderator] Babysitter
Posts: 7449
Location: USA
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 22:44 Post subject: |
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Hey, we're having fun in this thread, remember?
It's funny. Laugh.
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nouseforaname
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nouseforaname
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Posts: 21306
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 22:46 Post subject: |
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# How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
# Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
# Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
# How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
# How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
# Why do men pass gas more than women do?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
# If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
# All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
# I married Miss Right....
I just didn't know what her first name was
# I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
# What do you call a woman who has lost 97.5% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
# Scientists have discovered a food to diminish a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It is Wedding Cake.
# Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering.
# Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
# In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
# My wife and I are inseparable.
In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.
# Why do men die before their wives?
'Coz they want to.
# What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.
# A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said "God, I wish I had your will-power."
# Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two Mothers-in-law.
# Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
# A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
# A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wishes, provided that his mother-in-law gets double.
The man thinks for a minute and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and then beat me half to death."
# The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
# Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a baldhead and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful .
asus z170-A || core i5-6600K || geforce gtx 970 4gb || 16gb ddr4 ram || win10 || 1080p led samsung 27"
Last edited by nouseforaname on Mon, 24th Apr 2006 22:48; edited 1 time in total
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fraich3
Posts: 2907
Location: Not from my mouth!
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 22:47 Post subject: |
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| sTo0z wrote: | Hey, we're having fun in this thread, remember?
It's funny. Laugh. |
How do you keep a nigger from going out?
Pour more gas on him!
"Zipfero is the biggest fucking golddigger ever" - Mutantius
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 22:52 Post subject: |
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| kirkblitz wrote: | | Those dog jokes are not funny at all, they are cruel. You should be beaten for saying things like that. |
You should be neutered for all the racist shit that comes out of your mouth, so whats your point here?
"Techniclly speaking, Beta-Manboi didnt inject Burberry_Massi with Benz, he injected him with liquid that had air bubbles in it, which caused benz." - House M.D
"Faith without logic is the same as knowledge without understanding; meaningless"
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| Posted: Mon, 24th Apr 2006 23:13 Post subject: |
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I heard this one today in class.
There is this pedophile. He takes a girl out for a walk into the forest in the middle of the night. The girl is terrified. She clenches the pedophiles hand, looks at him and says, "I'm very scared" The pedophile looks at her and says, "You're telling me, I have to walk back alone"
It’s along those lines. It was funny.
Edit a nice racist one...
Why are niggers so tall?
Because their knee grows.
It's not THAT funny. You have to hear it.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.
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deelix
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Bigperm
Posts: 1908
Location: Alberta,Canada
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| Posted: Tue, 25th Apr 2006 00:24 Post subject: |
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http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/race.htm
This link proves NOTHING. Just that someone fucked up the 2002 stats. Look at the historical stats.
And a true test would be to analize the income levels vs homicides, not the race.
Now for some offensive jokes.
A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."
There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
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